Posts tagged as: balls

trademarks

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

 

‘Jealous wife’ charged in fatal genitals fire

‘An Australian woman accused of setting her husband’s genitals on fire because she thought he was having an affair has been charged with murder.

Prosecutors said 44-year-old Rajini Narayan confessed to neighbors that she set her husband on fire on Dec. 8, 2008, after she saw him hug another woman.

She was initially charged with endangering life and arson but the charges were upgraded to murder after her 47-year-old husband, Satish Narayan, died from his injuries last week. [..]

Boord quoted Narayan allegedly saying: “I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else. … I didn’t mean this to happen.”‘


faq

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

 

Chocolate Salty Balls

Say everybody have you seen my balls? They’re big and salty and brown.

(9meg Flash video)

see it here »


report

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

 

Sorry that I kicked you in balls

‘Brandon! Brandon! Brandon, come here!

Thats what I heard for five minutes while we were in the Quicky Mart. Your 3 year old was running all over and knocking stuff down while you and your Whiskey Tango (white trash) wife were getting your post methadone clinic Big Gulps. You would just just yell every 30 seconds “Brandon come here” like an hillbilly fog horn. I wanted to yell “turn your fat jowls and watch your crotch fruit, yelling Brandon every thirty seconds does not make up for your lack of parenting “. I chose not to as I just wanted out of there.’


Saturday, June 28, 2008

 

Man dressed as penis disrupts graduation

‘A 19-year-old man dressed as a penis was arrested for disturbing a high school graduation today at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center.

Calvin Morett of 337 Pyramid Pine Estates allegedly interrupted the Saratoga Springs High School graduation by marching across SPAC’s stage in an inflatable 6-foot penis costume while diplomas were being given out, Saratoga Springs Police Sgt. Sean Briscoe said.

Morett purchased the full-body costume and sprayed parts of the 5,000 people in the crowd with Silly String, Briscoe said.

His motive? “He thought it would be funny,” Briscoe said. [..]

“Once I stopped laughing, he was pretty easy to catch because he was tripping on the lower portion of the costume,” said Briscoe, who made the arrest.’


tools

Monday, June 16, 2008

 

i need to find a bigger brand of condoms

‘even the magnums are too small for me, is there anywhere you can order bigger ones on line? they fit great on the shaft but it is way too tight around my ball sack and it squeezes my balls which is very uncomfortable.’


careers

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

 

The Killer Koala

‘I do not like koalas. They are nasty, cross, stupid creatures without a friendly bone in their bodies. Their social habits are appalling – the males are always beating their fellows up and stealing their females. They have disgusting defensive mechanisms. Lice infest their fur. They snore. Their resemblance to cuddly toys is a base deceit. There is nothing to commend them.

On top of all that, a koala once tried to do me a very nasty mischief.’


Friday, March 7, 2008

 

How To Give Yourself A Playground Nutshot

‘You know you don’t have to do this, right?’

(1.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


terms

Monday, March 3, 2008

 

Kick her in the taco, Paco

My random image site has been doing quite nicely lately. Well fucken surprised am I. :) There’s a fair few images on it now. I should be passing 10,000 in the near future. I like arbitrary milestones and your mother will confirm that.

I’ve had more than 2.5 million people visit the image site since I started it last year. Well more than 10 million page loads.

Also, I have a cunning plan to show my testicles to tens of thousands of people, and then claim they aren’t mine. Or maybe I will put someone else’s testicles up there and claim they are mine. You never know. :) Never! [Anyone out there want their nuts on the web? Labia are fine too.] The point is, I would laugh heartily because I have a juvenile sense of humour.

In any case, this is the spot where I don’t love you anymore.


Thursday, February 7, 2008

 

The vasectomy you can switch on and off at the push of a button

‘Vasectomies could be a thing of the past thanks to a remotecontrolled implant that can stop the flow of sperm.

The valve-like device can be opened and shut at the press of a button, using the same technology that locks a car using a key fob.

Scientists who invented the implant say it could be used as a form of male contraception.

Men who change their minds about having children would then simply point the remote handset at their testicles and press a button to open up the valve. [..]

Once the handset is pressed, it sends a coded radio signal through the skin to the implant, which contains a tiny antenna. The antenna picks up the signal and converts it into sound waves that “ripple” through the valve.

Since the valve itself is soft and flexible, the sound waves make it flap open – allowing sperm to pass through. As with cars, each device would have its own unique code so it could not be opened by anyone else.’


Thursday, January 31, 2008

 

Skateboarder Cruises Into Metal Pole

He seems to be going at a decent pace. :)

(1.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


marketing

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

 

28lb Weight for Distance

The distance may be fine, the aim is maybe not so good. :)

(1.8meg Flash video)

see it here »


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

 

Chlamydia reduces male fertility by ravaging sperm

‘Chlamydia – the most common sexually transmitted disease in the US and UK – causes dramatic genetic damage in sperm leading to male infertility, a new study suggests.

Men with chlamydia have more than three times the normal level of DNA fragmentation in their sperm, report researchers. However, results from the study also indicate that appropriate antibiotic treatment can help restore the genetic integrity of these men’s sperm as well as their fertility.

Until recently, doctors believed that chlamydia threatened women’s fertility only. The bacteria responsible for the disease, Chlamydia trachomatis can cause a woman’s fallopian tubes to become blocked or scarred, making it difficult or impossible to conceive a child.’


trademarks

Thursday, September 27, 2007

 

Old Man Drops Big Dude For Smoking

‘Some little old man gets frustrated with some guy smoking next to him so he gets up to walk away and as he passes the big guy he lands a hard nut shot with his cane dropping the dude to the ground.’

(1.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


faq

Ball Boy Hits Soccer Player In The Nuts

‘This ball boy is getting a little frustrated that his home team is losing the game so when one of the opposing teams players comes looking for the ball he tosses it a bit low.’

(2.1meg Flash video)

see it here »


report

Monday, September 24, 2007

 

Slide Divider vs. Nuts

‘On his 18th birthday this poor guy tries to take out his friend by sliding down the slide into his legs. Unfortunately he acted too quickly and did not see the slide divider.’

(1.1meg Flash video)

see it here »


Saturday, September 15, 2007

 

Rapist agrees to castration punishment for sexual battery

‘A confessed rapist has agreed to be castrated in a plea deal that could save him from a life prison sentence.

Bobby James Allen pleaded guilty Monday to three counts of armed sexual battery and various other charges involving attacks that happened in 1998 and 1999. Allen filed a motion requesting castration in exchange for a reduced sentence.

Circuit Judge Michael Overstreet agreed to sentence Allen to 25 years’ prison on Sept. 20 if has the procedure in the next eight days. If Allen does not go through with the operation, he faces up to life in prison.

“You understand that this procedure is the removal of your testicles?” Overstreet asked Allen.

Allen said he wanted to be castrated.’


tools

Thursday, September 13, 2007

 

Local lawyer suspected in drunken Labor Day shooting

‘It sounds like a bad Jeff Foxworthy joke. A drunk, middle-aged man unloads his handgun in his backyard, hitting a passing truck, and then tries to punch a cop in the balls after the law comes knocking. Only the suspect in this case isn’t your typical redneck. He’s Martin LeNoir, one of the top defense attorneys in Dallas.

On Labor Day at around 4:40 p.m., Bob Kennedy was driving his truck on Sperry Street in Lakewood when his driver’s side window shattered. The glass fell on his lap. He heard a gunshot and feared someone was shooting at him. [..]

When they were let into the backyard, the officers immediately saw evidence that incriminated the suspect. (The police report doesn’t specify what it was they found.) According to the report, the “suspect,” whom police won’t name because they say he hasn’t yet been charged, became belligerent and attempted to punch an officer in the groin.’


careers

Drunk schoolgirl kicks man where it hurts

‘A drunken schoolgirl kicked a New Zealand man in the testicles for pronouncing her name wrong, a court was told today.

Megan Jane Conroy from Sandstone Point north of Brisbane, sobbed in the dock in the Brisbane District Court today as she pleaded guilty to assault.

The court was told she arrived home early on May 13 last year to find the complainant and a group of her mother’s friends celebrating a birthday.

Conroy, then aged 17, asked the 40-year-man if he was “a Kiwi”, and told him to “get fucked” when he said yes.

She was then offended when he pronounced her name “Maegan” instead of “Megan” and kneed him in the groin and demanded he say it correctly.’


Tuesday, September 4, 2007

 

Ball Smacking Special

Here’s a few videos that involve testicular pain [and often skateboards].

Followup to Skater Has A Rough Landing.

see it here »


terms

Sunday, September 2, 2007

 

Freak fall traps boy’s testicles

‘Malaysian doctors performed a 30-minute operation to free a nine-year-old boy’s testicles stuck in a metal pipe after he slipped while bathing, a newspaper said today.

In response to a call from his brother in an adjacent room, the boy climbed up a partition in the bathroom, but slipped and fell on an uncovered metal pipe, trapping his testicles in the narrow tube, the New Straits Times said.

Medical staff answering the emergency call at the boy’s home on the northern island of Penang were unable to remove the L-shaped pipe and had to call in firemen.

They used a hydraulic cutter to open both ends of the pipe before the child could be taken to hospital, shrieking in agony.

He was discharged after doctors performed a half-hour operation.’


Skater Has A Rough Landing

It’s a pity he isn’t just a little bit taller. :)

(410kB Flash video)

see it here »


Friday, August 31, 2007

 

Church Deacon, OU Fan Tears Scrotum Of UT Fan In Bar Fight

‘Aggravated assault charges have been filed against a church deacon and University of Oklahoma Sooners fan after officials say he grabbed a University of Texas fan between the legs during a scuffle in an Oklahoma bar.

A couple of months before the annual Red River Shootout between the Sooners and Longhorns, words were exchanged at Henry Hudson’s Pub between Allen Beckett, 53, and Brian Thomas. Witnesses said it was because Thomas was wearing a UT T-shirt.

Neither Thomas or Beckett chose to comment, but the police report described what happened to the victim, including graphic details about his injuries that included a torn scrotal sack with partially exposed testicles.

Beckett’s attorney, Billy Bock, said his client’s actions were in self-defense.’


marketing

Livid woman torches ex-hubby’s wedding tackle

‘A Moscow man who ill-advisedly decided to sit watching telly in the nude in the flat he shared with his ex-missus earned himself a wedding-tackle-torching for his trouble, the Evening Standard reports.

The unnamed man’s former wife evidently took exception to his vodka-swilling TV viewing, and duly set fire to his penis. A police spokeswoman admitted it was “difficult to predict” if the human candle would make a full recovery from the ordeal which he described as “monstrously painful”.

He added: “I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

In case you’re wondering, the couple divorced three years back, but continued to cohabit, an arrangement “common in Russia where property costs are very high”.’


Saturday, August 11, 2007

 

Builder loses nuts and bolts

‘Building boss Howard Shelley carried out the ultimate DIY conversion — by castrating himself so he could become a woman.

The 42-year-old dad of two decided on the drastic move after being told he would have to wait at least two years for a sex change on the NHS.

He found a website which gave a step-by-step guide to the eye-watering home surgery, then waited till wife Janet went out before setting to work with a kitchen knife in the loo. [..]

“In the end, I turned to the Net — it’s amazing what you can find. [..]

“The worst bit was steeling myself for the first cut. The whole thing took six minutes. It was agony, but I knew I couldn’t stop.”‘


trademarks

Thursday, August 9, 2007

 

Police seek ‘professionals’ who removed St. Paul man’s testicles

‘A St. Paul man, complaining of chronic pain, wanted to have his testicles removed. When conventional medical staff refused to do the job, he hired other “professionals” to take off his testicles, according to a search warrant affidavit filed Monday in Ramsey County District Court.

Two or three people operated on the man, Russell Daniel Angus, 62, a couple weeks ago at his home in St. Paul. He was unconscious during the surgery, and when he woke up, his testicles had been removed.

And the “professionals” were gone.

His groin area was bleeding heavily, so he called his daughter. She called for help. When police arrived, they found a makeshift operating room set up in the upper level of the house. There were bright lights, an apparent operating table, medical supplies and equipment, and a camera. Angus was still bleeding, and there was blood in the living room, hall and bathroom, the affidavit said. He was taken to Regions Hospital.’


faq

Sunday, August 5, 2007

 

Man attacked with power drill

‘A rural Basehor man reported to authorities that he’d been injured in the groin by a drill during a fight with another man, according to a report from the Leavenworth County Sheriff’s Office.

The incident was reported to the sheriff’s office Wednesday, but is said to have happened July 21, at 15458 Meyer Road.

A Leavenworth man, who was said to be in his 20s, was at the victim’s house working on a car owned by the victim’s sister. The Leavenworth man and the 41-year-old victim became involved in an argument, according to the report.

The altercation became physical and the Leavenworth man allegedly grabbed a drill and pushed it to the victim’s groin area.’


report

Sibling Flip Nut Shot

(2.0meg Flash video)

see it here »


Sunday, July 29, 2007

 

Itchy Nuts DUI

‘People dont realize that being in handcuffs greatly reduces your ability to scratch an itch. While that isn’t a major problem for a lot of people, it is for this guy.’

(1.9meg Flash video)

see it here »


tools

Friday, July 20, 2007

 

Hanging By The Balls

see it here »


careers

Saturday, July 7, 2007

 

I kicked burning terrorist so hard in the balls that I tore a tendon

‘A hero cabbie who took on the Glasgow Airport terror suspects told yesterday how he booted one of them in the privates.

Alex McIlveen, 45, kicked the man, whose body was in flames, so hard that he tore a tendon in his foot.

But he said last night: “He didn’t even flinch. I couldn’t believe he didn’t go down.’