Posts tagged as: funny

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

 

Vicar accused of threatening herself

‘British authorities say a vicar stands accused of allegedly sending herself a dead hedgehog and dog feces to prove herself a crime victim.

The Rev. Janet Magee, 62, a Methodist minister, also claimed she was the victim of threatening phone calls and hate mail, which police determined she allegedly made and sent herself, the Daily Mail reported Monday.

Police reached their conclusions after secretly installing a closed circuit television camera in her home, the Mail reported, noting Magee is in on trial in Grimsby Crown Court for making false claims to police.

Magee, who allegedly tried to portray the hedgehog, dog feces, phone calls and hate mail as the work of people in her church, has been suspended as minister in charge of seven parishes on the Brigg and Barton-upon-Humbler Methodist Circuit, the Mail reported, noting Magee has pleaded innocent.’


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Sunday, October 12, 2008

 

My adventures in a White Castle bathroom

‘This happened in 1985 when I was about 12 years old. I apologize for the length.

I had just got done with a little league baseball game and was heading home. My parents were driving myself and a couple of friends home, when they decided to pull into the local White Castle and feed us all. Went through the drive thru, got our food, and decided to park in the parking lot to sit and eat.

I finished my meal (I think it was 3 double cheeseburgers, or sliders as most know them by), when my stomach started to rumble really, really bad. God I had to use the restroom. Anyone who has ever had white castles knows what I’m talking about I’m sure. I told everyone I would be back and ran inside to use the bathroom. ‘


Town’s water turns to wine

‘Families thought they were witnessing a miracle when wine flowed from their taps during a grape festival.

But it wasn’t down to divine intervention – just very bad plumbing.

Sparkling, chilled white wine should have been flowing into a marble fountain in the town square during the annual Marino grape festival on Sunday.

Instead it gushed out of kitchen taps in dozens of homes, to the delight of residents in the Italian hilltop town. The mayor, Adriano Palozzi, a priest and locals had all gathered round the fountain to give a prayer of thanks to the Virgin Mary. Everyone had a plastic beaker at the ready to drink a free glass or two of Marino DOC.

But they were left disappointed as, instead of fresh wine, out poured the usual water.’


Australian man ‘Rickrolls’ MTV

‘HE HASN’T bothered the charts in 20 years, so you might call ’80s pop star Rick Astley a surprise inclusion on the list of nominees for MTV Europe’s Best Act Ever to be announced next month.

Astley, the baby-faced crooner who sang the cheesy 1987 hit Never Gonna Give You Up, is up against U2, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Green Day and Tokio Hotel.

At last count, Astley had an astonishing 99.98% of the 20 million votes cast on MTV’s online poll — but the washed-up warbler’s nomination is no bizarre error: MTV has simply been “Rickrolled”.

Astley’s sudden popularity is the result of an internet prank campaign that began as a geeky joke 18 months ago and has grown into a web craze of monster proportions. To be “Rickrolled” is to be unwittingly redirected to a video clip of Never Gonna Give You Up — a prank that has no apparent point other than to illicit a giggle from the unsuspecting viewer.’


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Saturday, October 11, 2008

 

Two banned from Bathurst after sex toy incident

‘One man has attacked a police officer with a dildo at the Bathurst 1000 motor racing event while another man has been caught wheeling around a television set showing porn.

And both have been thrown out of the the major annual racing event, police say.

A 22-year-old Moss Vale man was arrested shortly after 10pm (AEDT) yesterday after launching himself at a male police officer sitting inside a police car, hitting him on the head with a sex toy.

The officer was not hurt, but the man has been charged with assaulting police.’

We’re a classy bunch of people. 🙂


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Friday, October 10, 2008

 

Broke Trek

It was a five year mission to seek out new life and civilisations..

see it here »


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

 

Benny Lava

see it here »


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Monday, September 29, 2008

 

Charlie Bit Me

..and that really hurt.

see it here »


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Sunday, September 28, 2008

 

Wash’s Sweater

‘Wash’s Sweater (aka Big Damn Sweater and The Washburne) is a project of Big Damn Knitters, the Ravelry group for fans of the TV series Firefly and the spin-off movie Serenity.

The goal was to recreate a sweater worn by the character Wash in two of the series episodes — “Out of Gas” and “The Message.”

Variations of the cable pattern were created by Laura Wilson-Martos and Margaret (Maggs) Kailhofer. Maggs’ pattern in particular provided the basis for this pattern.’


Sunday, September 21, 2008

 

Bulgarian Idol – Ken Lee

Ken Lee.. tulibu dibu douchoo..

(2.9meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Friday, September 19, 2008

 

Really Offensive Jokes

Funny tho. 🙂

see it here »


Thursday, September 18, 2008

 

bodily fluids disaster story

‘I originally wrote this story as a reply in one of those “funny drinking stories” threads a couple of months ago. It is a very embarrassing story about me when I was a stupid teenager, not that much different from a lot of people’s drinking stories, but with a twist of lemon. Lots of people seemed to like it, so I thought I would illustrate and narrate the story in its own thread for maximum hilarity.

This all happened when I was 18 years old. I had dropped out of highschool twice by this point, ditched a lot of my friends because I was a selfish idiot and generally didn’t give a gently caress about anything. I hardly ever ate anything and was skinny as gently caress, showered maybe once every three days, took a poo poo load of drugs and smoked like a chimney. I didn’t have any prospects for the future. I just followed every impulse I had. I stole hundreds of dollars of stuff from the gas station I worked at. I stole poo poo from my parents. I shop lifted. I’m sure lots of people have been through a phase like this and I feel very sorry for all of you.’


terms

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

 

Triacetone Triperoxide (TATP)

‘Left to its own devices, TATP can decompose to oxygen or ozone and acetone. However, TATP is so unstable that it can spontaneously explode in an unpredictable and catastrophic manner.

TATP is especially dangerous because it is constrained in a ring like structure, the carbon and methane groups which are shown in gray and white in the images below do not allow for the elimination of the unstable extra oxygen atoms and the retention of the ring like structure at the same time. When the rings of TATP fall apart the rearrangement is necessarily wholesale and dramatic.

The mixing solvents like acetone and peroxides like hydrogen peroxide happens mistakenly on occasion in laboratories. On this occasional basis the inherent and dangerous instability of TATP is rediscovered inadvertently and explosively in a refluxing vessel or a when a precipitate is being dried in an oven. If you work in a laboratory, be very careful when working with peroxides.’


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Friday, September 12, 2008

 

Giant ice penis – is climate change to blame?

‘If there was any doubt about the terrible threat that global warming poses to humanity, then it can now be dismissed – as this shocking photograph proves that climate change is turning icebergs into giant penises.

The cockberg was photographed by Andy Rouse* in the Bransfield Strait near Antarctica.

Experts now believe** that it is only a matter of time before an armada of penis-shaped chunks begin to break off the Antarctic ice floes, and then roam the oceans wreaking havoc and luring sailors to their doom.’


Thursday, September 11, 2008

 

I’m starting a gang. If you’d like to join, and live in my area, email

‘I’m making a gang. It’s going to be called the “Regulators.” It’s a popular name but I don’t know of any with that name in my area so I’m going to use it. You must live in downtown DC. You must be at least 5’8. You can be smaller but you have to prove yourself to join. You don’t have to get beat up to get initiated into the gank. You should have to be down for the cause. If you’re not loyal though, I will cock glock and lay you out. That’s real talk. [..]’


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

 

Heroes guest starring Kirk Johnson

Mildly amusing sorta thing. 🙂


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Sunday, September 7, 2008

 

Police chase horses and carts

(1.6meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Monday, September 1, 2008

 

Binocular Soccer

(5.3meg Flash video)

see it here »


Charles ‘Scat Man’ Manson

(6.1meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Friday, August 29, 2008

 

Clifton Police arrest Ninjas

‘Two “modern day Ninjas” calling themselves Shinobi Warriors on a quest to rid the area of drug users and drug dealers have been put out of business by police.

On Wednesday at 2:35 a.m. police officers approached a car parked in the left lane of Route 46 east and found two Clifton men dressed in black claiming to be Ninjas. The men were wearing tactical vests and armed with knives in sheaths at their waists along with Ninja throwing knives, Chinese throwing stars, four-pointed tacks, swords, bows and arrows and nunchucks, said detective Capt. Robert Rowan.

The two men, Jesse Trojaniak, 19, and Tadieusz Tertkiewicz, 20, told police they were “modern day Ninjas” also called Shinobi Warriors on their way to deliver warning letters to known drug dealers and drug users to stop their “impure” activities. They told police they planned to leave the letters on the front doors of these individuals they had singled out.

Their weapons, Rowan said, were to be a precaution in case they were confronted by the drug dealers.

The officers located five envelopes decorated with red Chinese designs containing the letters to be delivered. Reports show the two men had already delivered one such letter to Tertkiewicz’ 16-year-old ex-girlfriend in Clifton. Police contacted the teen and her mother and alerted them to the situation. Tertkiewicz was charged with harassment, both were charged with weapons possession.’


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Sunday, August 24, 2008

 

Cat survives high-speed ambulance ride

‘A cat taking a nap on the roof of an ambulance woke to find itself going along on an emergency callout at speeds of up to 100km/h.

Chloe’s snooze ended in a hair-raising 13km trip from Port Douglas to Oak Beach in north Queensland with lights flashing and siren blaring all the way, The Cairns Post reported today.

Chloe’s owner and paramedic Myles White got a huge shock when an extremely distressed meow alerted him to a “goggle-eyed” cat sitting on the roof. [..]

“When I took her down, she was all fluffed up and her eyes were a bit blown out and she did a big ‘Help, get me off’ meow.”‘


to the perv who groped me on my way home

‘Me: caucasian, white yoga capris and tan tank top
you: Latino, 5’8, in your twenties, sports jersey, short hair, mole on your face.

You might have been following me for a while, Mr. Perv, I don’t know – I was on the phone with my mother, venting about my roommate situation (we had to find a new one) and my job search (like, I need a job), when you snuck up behind me, and gently squeezed my ass. Not just the top of my ass, but kinda low, kinda close to my you-know-what, if you know what I mean.

You know, even my boyfriend needs permission to get that close, so having a perfect stranger attempt access so suddenly, so completely out of the blue, triggered my fight-or-flight response. And I *fight*. [..]’


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Sunday, August 17, 2008

 

Peter Russell-Clarke

(4.8 and 3.0meg Flash videos)

see it here »


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

 

consbreastution – Google Search

Hooray for automatic profanity filters. 🙂


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UK Police Accidentally Send Citizens to Hardcore Gay Porn Site

‘We’ve all done it. Someone asks for your phone number and you gladly give it, only to later realize you gave them one number out of order or something and they’re calling some random stranger now.

A UK police department did much the same thing, except instead of a phone number it was a website and instead of reaching some random guy they saw several random guys do some very adult oriented things to each other.

The police department in Sussex, a county in the South of England, was attempting to promote Operation Beat Sweep, a massive program aimed at helping end crime by tackling anti-social behaviour in the community.

To help promote the initiative they passed out leaflets on Operation Beat Sweep. The leaflets encouraged anybody who had further questions to visit the police website at www.sussexpolice.co.uk. There’s just one problem, the actual URL for Sussex Police is www.sussex.police.uk. The first URL, and the one the leaflet encouraged citizens to visit, is actually a hardcore gay porn site.’


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Monday, August 11, 2008

 

my gf shits standing up…

‘the bathroom door was half-open, so i thought no one was using it, and i catch my gf standing legs spread on either side of the toilet — DROPPING TURDS! wtf!? right as she’s squeezing off a real long and heavy one, she says: “INCOMING!” and makes bomb-dropping noises. “captain! we’re under attack! we’ve been hit! fire in the hole!”

then she looks up at me, sort of sheepish and blushes and quickly assumes the “normal” position. “just a little game i sometimes play when i’m bored,” she says as she starts to wipe herself.

my jaw is still on the floor and i’m speechless. “whatever…..” i mumble as i head for the door. [..]’


Saturday, August 9, 2008

 

Jackie Moon – Love Me Sexy

Take off your shoes and suck me sexy..

(2.9meg Flash video)

see it here »


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

 

Releasing Balloons For Charity

I assume they’re trying to raise money for retarded aeroplane pilots or something. 🙂

(2.6meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Mike Makes Love

‘This is something I put together myself..’

(3.6meg Flash video)

see it here »


copyright

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

 

Chickity China Da Chinese Chicken

Have a drumstick and your brain starts clickin’..

(1.4meg Flash video)

see it here »