Posts tagged as: penis

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Saturday, October 24, 2009

 

Man arrested for making coffee in own home while naked

‘Eric Williamson, from Springfield, Virginia, was brewing coffee in his kitchen when a woman and a seven-year-old boy walked past the window and saw him.

The woman complained to police who arrested Williamson shortly after the incident on Monday morning.

Williamson, 29, insisted he did nothing wrong and that any exposure of his private parts were accidental.

“Yes I wasn’t wearing any clothes but I was alone, in my own home and just got out of bed. It was dark and I had no idea anyone was outside looking in at me,” he said. [..]

A spokesman for Fairfax county police, Mary Ann Jennings, said Williamson was arrested because officers believed he wanted to be seen naked by the public.

The 29-year-old faces up to a year in jail and a $2,000 fine if he is convicted. He is fighting the charge and seeking damages from police.’


faq

Saturday, June 20, 2009

 

Russian woman on trial for raping 10 men

‘A young Russian woman, a devoted collector of horror films and spiders, is on trial for sedating and raping ten men. [..]

She gave them drinks with clonidine, which almost immediately sent them to sleep for almost 24 hours.

After that, she undressed her victims and raped them, tightening a rope on their male organs to kep them erect. [..]

At present, the police know about ten of Valeria’s victims, although one of them refused to file a complaint against her.

“It was great,” the unnamed man said.

“I like hot women. I only wish she hadn’t use the clonidine on me.”’


Monday, January 26, 2009

 

An explanation to the unfortunate waitress who had my table.

‘I entered your fine eatery alone today. You greeted me with a great big smile and I was smitten immediately. You are gorgeous and exactly my type, down to the perfume you so delicately shared with me as you passed by. I’m really a normal guy and I’d like to explain myself. Perhaps we can put today’s unfortunate events aside and start over in a few weeks, should I be lucky enough you read this.

Men are pigs. This is a simple fact of life. I’ll be the first to admit it. That said, I was admiring you work for a while and was becoming more and more attracted to you. The more I watched, not all stalker like mind you, the more I was sure you were in fact as beautiful as I had first observed. When you came back to my table and offered to top off my coffee, I was so focused on being close to you, so enamored, I failed to recognize what was going on in my pants. I could not be more sorry.

What I FELT was something foreign moving in my pants. What was ACTUALLY happening was, I was getting an erection. My first gut reaction was to immediately, without hesitation, rain death down upon this uninvited intruder. Kill it before it killed me. [..]‘


information

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

 

‘Jealous wife’ charged in fatal genitals fire

‘An Australian woman accused of setting her husband’s genitals on fire because she thought he was having an affair has been charged with murder.

Prosecutors said 44-year-old Rajini Narayan confessed to neighbors that she set her husband on fire on Dec. 8, 2008, after she saw him hug another woman.

She was initially charged with endangering life and arson but the charges were upgraded to murder after her 47-year-old husband, Satish Narayan, died from his injuries last week. [..]

Boord quoted Narayan allegedly saying: “I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else. … I didn’t mean this to happen.”‘


report

Saturday, October 11, 2008

 

Two banned from Bathurst after sex toy incident

‘One man has attacked a police officer with a dildo at the Bathurst 1000 motor racing event while another man has been caught wheeling around a television set showing porn.

And both have been thrown out of the the major annual racing event, police say.

A 22-year-old Moss Vale man was arrested shortly after 10pm (AEDT) yesterday after launching himself at a male police officer sitting inside a police car, hitting him on the head with a sex toy.

The officer was not hurt, but the man has been charged with assaulting police.’

We’re a classy bunch of people. :)


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Monday, September 29, 2008

 

Inappropriate Slippery Dip

Soundtrack is a bit strange aswell. :)

(2.3meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Thursday, September 18, 2008

 

bodily fluids disaster story

‘I originally wrote this story as a reply in one of those “funny drinking stories” threads a couple of months ago. It is a very embarrassing story about me when I was a stupid teenager, not that much different from a lot of people’s drinking stories, but with a twist of lemon. Lots of people seemed to like it, so I thought I would illustrate and narrate the story in its own thread for maximum hilarity.

This all happened when I was 18 years old. I had dropped out of highschool twice by this point, ditched a lot of my friends because I was a selfish idiot and generally didn’t give a gently caress about anything. I hardly ever ate anything and was skinny as gently caress, showered maybe once every three days, took a poo poo load of drugs and smoked like a chimney. I didn’t have any prospects for the future. I just followed every impulse I had. I stole hundreds of dollars of stuff from the gas station I worked at. I stole poo poo from my parents. I shop lifted. I’m sure lots of people have been through a phase like this and I feel very sorry for all of you.’


Sunday, September 14, 2008

 

Boy in bizarre fish in penis accident

‘Doctors treating a 14 year old boy from India were shocked to find a 2cm long fish had “slipped” up his penis and into his bladder.

The patient, who was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period, gave an interesting explanation.

Details of the case, which was documented in The Internet Journal of Urology, have revealed that the patient claimed that the fish “slipped” into his penis while he was maintaining his aquarium.’


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Friday, September 12, 2008

 

Giant ice penis – is climate change to blame?

‘If there was any doubt about the terrible threat that global warming poses to humanity, then it can now be dismissed – as this shocking photograph proves that climate change is turning icebergs into giant penises.

The cockberg was photographed by Andy Rouse* in the Bransfield Strait near Antarctica.

Experts now believe** that it is only a matter of time before an armada of penis-shaped chunks begin to break off the Antarctic ice floes, and then roam the oceans wreaking havoc and luring sailors to their doom.’


Saturday, August 2, 2008

 

Driver abuses speed limit and himself

‘A Territory man filmed himself speeding at 150km/h while masturbating at the wheel of his drug-laden car, a court heard.

His Holden SV6 was allegedly laden with 5kg of drugs, including two cannabis plants resting on the back seat, the court was told.

Brendon Alan Erhardt, 39, was granted bail so he could marry his girlfriend of six months before he goes to jail.

Prosecutor Sergeant Melinda Edwards said in court the father-of-three told police he “had masturbated while driving” just before he was stopped for speeding on the 130km/h stretch of the Stuart Hwy.

“(He) also video recorded himself masturbating while travelling at a speed of 150km/h.”

Sgt Edwards said Mr Erhardt — who was disqualified from driving — also told officers his act was “not dangerous” as the “only person he could hurt was himself”.’


Saturday, June 28, 2008

 

Man dressed as penis disrupts graduation

‘A 19-year-old man dressed as a penis was arrested for disturbing a high school graduation today at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center.

Calvin Morett of 337 Pyramid Pine Estates allegedly interrupted the Saratoga Springs High School graduation by marching across SPAC’s stage in an inflatable 6-foot penis costume while diplomas were being given out, Saratoga Springs Police Sgt. Sean Briscoe said.

Morett purchased the full-body costume and sprayed parts of the 5,000 people in the crowd with Silly String, Briscoe said.

His motive? “He thought it would be funny,” Briscoe said. [..]

“Once I stopped laughing, he was pretty easy to catch because he was tripping on the lower portion of the costume,” said Briscoe, who made the arrest.’


Monday, June 16, 2008

 

i need to find a bigger brand of condoms

‘even the magnums are too small for me, is there anywhere you can order bigger ones on line? they fit great on the shaft but it is way too tight around my ball sack and it squeezes my balls which is very uncomfortable.’


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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

 

Rum the remedy for snake bite on penis

‘A man bitten on the penis by a deadly snake has told how he used a cold rum can to soothe the pain while he rang his mother to say a final goodbye.

“I thought I was gone,” Daryl Zutt said of his now notorious encounter with a brown snake during a roadside toilet stop in remote far north Queensland, The Cairns Post reported.

“I thought, ‘Maybe, this is it. Maybe, I’m gonna cark it’.”

The Cairns Post revealed details of the bizarre encounter two weeks ago but the identity of the victim remained unknown until Mr Zutt came forward to tell how the brown snake took a near-fatal swipe as he relieved himself.

“I squatted down … I reckon I must’ve nearly sat on his head,” he said.

“As soon as I felt it, I yelled.

“It really hurt. [..]‘

Followup to Deadly snake bites man’s penis.


faq

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

 

Teens await arrest after Comcast attack

‘ Two teenagers who say they hijacked Comcast’s Web portal on Thursday also say they expect to be arrested for their actions.

“I wish I was a minor right now because this is going to be really bad,” 19-year-old “Defiant” told Wired’s Kevin Poulsen, who managed to get a one-hour phone interview with Defiant and his 18-year-old cohort “EBK.”

“I slept in my clothes, because the last time they came, I was in my underwear with my dong hanging out and shit,” Defiant said of a past raid.

On Thursday, Comcast’s portal was defaced, leaving some e-mail subscribers without service. On the site, the hackers referenced their group: “KRYOGENICS Defiant and EBK RoXed Comcast.”‘


Saturday, May 31, 2008

 

Deadly snake bites man’s penis

‘A roadside toilet stop ended in pain, embarrassment and almost death for a tourist when a highly venomous snake bit the end of his penis.

The deadly brown snake slithered between his legs and lunged at his manhood as he crouched on a roadside near Laura, 300km northwest of Cairns, about a month ago.

Details of the incident only came to light yesterday after they were confirmed by a paramedic.

“It certainly had a swipe at him,” an ambulance spokesman said yesterday.

“But it didn’t envenomate him.

“As it came through it must have got a bit of a shock.”‘

Australia should make this into an advertising slogan to attract tourists. ‘Come to Australia. Our wildlife will bite you on the cock.’ Can’t fail. :)


information

Sunday, April 20, 2008

 

MacGyver takes off his pants

Have you got a better idea?

(832kB Flash video)

see it here »


report

Sunday, March 16, 2008

 

Joe Rogan Owns UFC Heckler

‘Why dontcha come lick my tartar sauce off, bitch?’

This is the same fellow from Joe Rogan Vs Female Heckler

(7.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


news

Friday, March 7, 2008

 

Sent home in shame, the British commandos who stripped naked for crass stunt in a foreign bar

‘Eight British Commandos have been flown home in disgrace for stripping naked and engaging in appalling behaviour in a Norwegian bar during an Arctic training exercise.

The men disgusted onlookers in the town of Harstad with a drunken game of “naked bar”.

After whipping off their clothes, they urinated on each other – splashing other customers and furniture – before slurring insults and abuse.

Furious senior officers ordered the soldiers, from the Army’s 59 Independent Commando Squadron Royal Engineers, back home to face disciplinary action.

“This is taken extremely seriously,” a Ministry of Defence official said. [..]

Harstad police spokesman Gair Pedersen said: “They were drunk and there was a problem in the bar but we are quite used to dealing with British soldiers like this.”‘


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Thursday, February 7, 2008

 

Don’t Do the Dew

‘Tucson porn-proprietor Tyrone Henry wants you to know that blowing your load on the faces of blindfolded, underage girls who think they’re participating in a facial cream marketing study is not fraud or any other crime, no matter what the Arizona Court of Appeals said last month. He also wants you to know he was framed. [..]

In the summer of 2000, Roach was assigned to prosecute Tyrone Henry after two teenage girls said he lured them to his home to try out a product called “White Dew” facial cream he was developing. Instead of exfoliation, they said they got ejaculation.

The girls, 15 and 16 years old at the time, said Henry showed them examples of women with “clumpy” white cream on their faces and then blindfolded them. The girls said they heard heavy breathing and Henry say, “It’s coming,” and then felt a thick, warm substance applied to their faces. They said he took photos, paid them $10 a piece and convinced them to make follow-up appointments. Thinking about it later, they realized they’d been hoodwinked and called the police.

Roach admits the hardest part of the case was figuring out what charge he could hang on Henry. It wasn’t sexual assault because he didn’t touch the girls sexually, and they didn’t touch him. And it wasn’t indecent exposure because the girls were blindfolded. [..]

In the end, the only charge Roach could get to stick was “fraudulent scheme and artifice.” [..]‘


Man convicted of sending penis photo by phone

‘A 21-year-old German man has been convicted of sending a photograph of his penis to an unknown woman via mobile phone, authorities said on Wednesday.

“We all had a bit of a laugh when we saw the thing,” said Christian Kropp, presiding judge at the court in the eastern town of Sondershausen.’


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Tuesday, January 1, 2008

 

Masturbation Gesture Gone Wrong

‘Dude! That’s disgusting!’

(4.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


Monday, December 24, 2007

 

American Man Launches Lawsuit Over Whopper Condom Shocker

‘A 24-year-old American man is suing a Burger King restaurant – claiming he found a condom in his Whopper.

Van Miguel Hartless alleges he bit into the burger and found the unwrapped contraceptive under a piece of lettuce.

“My third bite into the burger, it was just a foreign taste,” he said. “It was a very sour, bitter sort of taste. It almost had a numbing sensation.

“As I went to bite down a little harder, I felt a rubber grind in between my teeth. I saw it half in my mouth, half hanging out.

“It was an immediate sick-to-my-stomach type of thing.”‘


Friday, December 14, 2007

 

Flasher bashed by his drinking buddies

‘A middle-aged man was beaten up by his drinking buddies after being caught gratifying himself in front of school children camping at a popular Manawatu reserve.

The unemployed man, 48, from Palmerston North, suffered a “substantial” head injury and was admitted to Palmerston North Hospital.

Police have since arrested and charged him with committing an indecent act. [..]

The offender was seen sitting and watching a number of teenage girls camping at the site, along with children from Dannevirke Primary School, for nearly an hour.

He is then alleged to have stood up, exposed himself and performed an indecent act in plain view of all present.

“His associates, who he had been drinking with since before lunch time, obviously didn’t approve of his behaviour and they’ve dealt to him themselves, giving him a pretty nasty head injury,” Ms Ross said.’


Monday, December 3, 2007

 

Colostomy reversal botched, suit says

‘A surgery meant to reverse a colostomy on a Dover man went horribly wrong last year, resulting in fecal mater being discharged from his penis and urine passing through his colon, according to a lawsuit filed in Superior Court.

During the procedure, the suit alleges doctors at Kent General Hospital improperly stapled the colon to the bladder instead of the rectal stump. This left the patient with diarrhea, as well as gas and liquid stool passing from his penis.

The man was taken to Christiana Hospital 12 days later to have the procedure corrected, but not until after much suffering and embarrassment as well as “disfigurement and disability,” the suit claims. It also affected life at home with his wife, who also is suing the three doctors involved in the allegedly botched procedure, Surgical Associates P.A. and Bayhealth Medical Center Inc.’


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Friday, November 9, 2007

 

Flasher strips off in court

‘A German flasher stunned lawyers during his appeal hearing on a flashing conviction by stripping off in court, authorities said.

“The court withdrew for deliberations and during the adjournment the man removed his clothes again,” said a spokesman for the court in the western city of Duisburg. “It appears he sees it as art, and views himself as a living work of art.”

The 60-year-old was in court to appeal against his conviction for running onto the pitch naked during a girl’s soccer match and striking a range of “body builder poses”, the spokesman said.

State prosecutors filed fresh charges of indecent behaviour against the man after the court incident.’


faq

Friday, November 2, 2007

 

Smoking Pot At Wendy’s

‘<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..

see it here »


Taser Doesn’t Stop Naked Man

‘Salt Lake police say even a taser wasn’t enough to subdue a man who was wandering naked at a Super 8 Motel.

Employees called police when Michael Ellis repeatedly exited his room naked.

When officers arrived, Ellis refused to cooperate and resisted arrest. Police say they tasered him, struck him with batons, and then still had to wrestle him to the ground.’


information

Friday, October 26, 2007

 

Human race will ‘split into two different species’

‘The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist.

100,000 years into the future, sexual selection will mean that two distinct breeds of human will have developed.

The alarming prediction comes from evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, who says that the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000.

These humans will be between 6ft and 7ft tall and they will live up to 120 years.

Men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and bigger penises.’


report

Monday, October 8, 2007

 

Best night ever

‘<Richad34> Oy I had a bad night

<Richad34> I couldn’t sleep, and had no idea what to do. My parents are still awake, it was midnight, and I was bored.

<Richad34> So then I remembered that I had a drama presentation the next class and I played a rich guy so I needed a suit.

<Richad34> I take out my suit, and get dressed. You know, the works. I even took out my top hat and my cane.

<Richad34> Now it gets a little weird. I had to go downstairs in order to see how I looked as it’s the only place with a full body mirror. My parents sleep on the same floor as me so I didn’t want to wake them up.

<Richad34> So I got this idea. I decided to turn on my TV so that my parents thought people were talking outside, and my footsteps would be noises they were making. I thought it would work, I was tired.

see it here »


news

Friday, September 28, 2007

 

Calls for less nudity on Everest

‘Nudity could be outlawed on the world’s tallest mountain complaints about the number of climbers attempting to reach its summit without clothes

Nepalese mountaineering authorities are reportedly outraged that people were ditching their clothes on Mount Everest, which is worshipped by some villagers.

President of Nepal Mountaineering Association Ang Tshering told AP that following last year’s record by a Nepali climber, who claimed the world’s highest display of nudity while standing on the 8,850m summit in temperatures about minus 10 degrees Celsius, restrictions should be implemented.

“There should be strict regulations to discourage such attempts by climbers,” Tshering said.’


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