Posts tagged as: penis

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

 

10 Classic Caught Masturbating Moments

A collection of 10 videos of people getting caught having a wank.

Some of them are pretty funny.

‘What the fuck are you doing with my exercise ball?’


Lightning strikes biker’s penis during toilet break

‘An Croatian motorbike rider was knocked unconscious when lightning struck his penis during a roadside toilet break.

Metro.co.uk reported Ante Djindjic, 29, escaped relatively unscathed from the incident, suffering only light burns to his chest and arms.

He said: “I don’t remember what happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next thing I knew I was in hospital.

“Doctors said the lightning went through my body and because I was wearing rubber boots it earthed itself through my penis.”

“Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually.”‘


handbook

Monday, September 24, 2007

 

IRON HYMEN: Abstinence-Only Program for Girls

‘I, [MY NAME], hereby pledge:

1. To never let grubby boys touch me – unless it’s just fun innocent stuff like tripping me and pulling my hair. (But only the hair on my head!)

2. To never wear trampy stuff like shorts or t-shirts or open-toed shoes, which basically tell horny perverts that I’m a major tramp who’s just asking for it.

3. To never do rough stuff like ride horsies or bikes with hard seats, which could break my vagina’s freshness seal and make me totally unlovable.

4. To never let tampons violate the sanctity of my hoo-hoo, because tampons are really nothing more than thirsty little albino penises.

5. To never have premarital sex, because Jesus doesn’t want anyone messing around inside my girly hole until after His church makes some money off a wedding.’


Thursday, September 20, 2007

 

Elevator Dildo Prank

Why is there a box in the corner? 🙂

(1.1meg Flash video)

see it here »


privacy

Saturday, September 15, 2007

 

Foiled burglar loses clothes in tussle

‘Wayne and Kathie Boniface returned home from dinner Thursday night at a neighbor’s to find the man in their house. Wayne Boniface said the man made the mistake of grabbing his wife.

“As soon as he grabbed my wife, I had him in the kitchen wrestling him to the ground in a headlock and arm-lock,” Boniface said.

First, Boniface said, he ripped the man’s shirt off. Then, “his head was down over the railing, and in today’s world, pants are worn fairly loose. I pulled his pants, and his pants and underpants and shoes came completely off. He was completely nude.”

When police asked Boniface if he could identify the suspect, he said: “Oh, yeah. I believe he’s the only guy running nude in Duluth.”‘


api

Thursday, September 13, 2007

 

Police seek ID of naked, gas mask-wearing male

‘An unidentified naked white man wearing a gas mask and standing outside was reported by two witnesses Thursday around 9:40 p.m. According to police, officers were called to 505 Centre St. for a report of a naked white man wearing a gas mask attempting to get into an apartment building.

A witness said that while driving on Centre Street, they saw a naked white man, approximately 30-years-old, around 6-feet-tall, weighing about 200 lbs., wearing a gas mask and standing in the common entrance of a building. The witness pulled his truck up and the man fled down an alleyway.

Another witness stated her doorbell rang and when she looked through the viewing hole of her front door, she also saw a white man with no clothes on wearing a gas mask. She told police she had no idea who the man was and did not open the door to her apartment.’


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Dragons Fucking Cars

Exactly what the title says. I could write something more, but really, what is there to write?


copyright

Man Found Nude After Clothes Stolen

‘Two men have been arrested for stealing a man’s clothes and leaving him to wander around naked, officials said. The victim, a 19-year-old Hazleton man, was taken by two men to a rural area west of Oelwein where the men took his clothes at gunpoint, officials with the Fayette County sheriff’s office said.

The investigation began after the sheriff’s office received a report of a naked man walking down a county road early Sunday morning.

Deputies searched an Oelwein home later in the day and found the victim’s clothes and several guns.’


news

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

 

Hermaphrodite pony finds friendship with donkey

‘For most of his life the Shetland pony, who has both male and female genitalia, was thought to be a mare and went by the name of Amy.

And to add to his confusion he has been taken into care, undergone a sex change operation and been re-homed – only to be shunned by his peers.

But now Tootsie – named after Dustin Hoffman’s cross-dressing character in the film of the same name – finally appears to be settling in at the Bransby Home of Rest for Horses, near Lincoln.

And he has found an unlikely friend – in stablemate Derek the donkey.’


Man cuts off his penis ‘to stop him sinning’

‘A man cut off his own penis and threw it in a toilet ‘so he would stop sinning’.

The 30-year-old was recovering in the Hospital Clinico Universitario in Salamanca in western Spain.

Doctors said his condition was ‘stable’ and he was not in danger of losing his life. [..]

The newspaper said it was not known if the man’s penis could be sewn back.

There was also a suggestion he may be suffering from psychological problems.’


Zombie Pfizer Computers Spew Viagra Spam

‘Computers inside pharmaceutical giant Pfizer’s network are spamming the internet with e-mails touting the company’s flagship erectile-enhancement drug Viagra, along with ads for knockoff Rolexes and shady junk stocks.

But the e-mails are not part of Pfizer’s official marketing efforts.

Pfizer’s computers appear to have been infected with malware that has transformed them into zombie computers sending spam at the behest of a hacker. Oddly enough, they are spamming the public’s inboxes with ads for the company’s own product.

“There is a disaster inside this company, and they don’t know it,” says Rick Wesson, CEO of Support Intelligence — a small San Francisco-based security company that alerted Wired News to the problem.’


notice

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

 

He’s Got Wood

‘Funny spoof infomercials done by the people at Jewelry Television. Who knew the Jewelry TV people had such a good sense of humor?’

(2.8meg Flash video)

see it here »


Four-letter word has teacher in sin-bin

‘It is a simple question: who leads this country? Any John, Dick or Kevin could answer it, but one citizenship teacher may be wishing she had refrained.

One student, Erez Sharabani, shot up his hand to answer “Mr John Howard”. But before he could get the words out, he says, the teacher wrote “dick” across the middle of the board. She rubbed it out, but not before the 12 students in her citizenship class at the NSW Adult Migrant English Service at Surry Hills saw it.

Calling the Prime Minister a four-letter word in a class funded by the federal Department of Immigration and Citizenship has not proved a great career move, sparking a complaint from Mr Sharabani and an investigation by the NSW Department of Education. The teacher, who has not been named, has been suspended on pay pending the outcome of the investigation.’


Porn surfer pleads guilty to indecent act

‘A Winnipeg man caught with his hands full while surfing for porn on a university computer wasn’t going to be discouraged before getting the job done, a court heard yesterday.

The 26-year-old pleaded guilty to one count of committing an indecent act and three breaches of probation after security staff at the University of Manitoba’s McDermot Avenue campus library caught him downloading porn from a public computer and masturbating on Aug. 4.

Court was told the man made no move to buckle up when approached by security staff and said “I’m almost done, can I finish?”

The man — who was living on the street at the time of the offence and suffers from mental health problems — later told police he took matters into his own hands “all the time” at the library.’


handbook

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

 

Who loves Michael Vick?

There are many, many other people who just love Mike Vick.

(1.0meg Flash video)

see it here »


Police arrest nude driver on Toll Road

‘A naked man driving along the Indiana Toll Road was arrested and charged because his lewd conduct distracted other motorists, police said.

The 37-year-old Chicago man was traveling east to Ohio to visit his mother, police said. He was nude and had petroleum jelly on his hands when a state trooper pulled him over about 10 miles from the Ohio line Wednesday, police said.

The man, who told police he was comfortable driving in the nude, was charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure, punishable by up to a year in jail.’


privacy

What I Think Of TV News

‘A local news team confronts a man who is accused of assaulting his 79 year old mother and he in turns respectfully demonstrates his opinion of TV news.’

(644kB Flash video)

see it here »


api

Friday, August 31, 2007

 

Go Ahead, Drop Those Drawers

‘Vermont’s clothing-optional capital is stripping off its temporary ban on public nudity.

A month after passing the temporary ban, the Brattleboro Selectboard voted 3-2 on Tuesday to reject a proposed ordinance that would have made it permanent. When the emergency temporary ordinance expires next month, public nudity will no longer be illegal.

It’s all about tolerance, one board member said.

”We in this country are going down a slippery slope these days,” said Dora Bouboulis, noting a national newspaper recently published an article about the emergency ordinance under the headline ”Tolerant town gets intolerant.”’


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Burning Desires: Sticking Things In Your Peehole For Fun And Profit

‘The urethra, unlike other orifices, is strictly designed for one-way activity. There’s no negotiating that – it’s the way things are. I’m not ashamed to admit that at one point in my life I’ve had the infamous STD test which involves the doctor sticking a Q-Tip into your urethra. I learned two very important things from that test: One – I don’t have chlamydia. Two – inserting an object into your peehole HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCK. It does. It really hurts. Things aren’t supposed to be in there, and your body has a rather dramatic way of telling you that. But such things are small obstacles to those determined to find new ways of pleasuring themselves – you see, for a growing number of people, inserting objects into the urethra is all kinds of fun.

In the darkest corners of the internet, you’ll find guys sticking all sorts of objects into their pee tubes. For example…’


copyright

Livid woman torches ex-hubby’s wedding tackle

‘A Moscow man who ill-advisedly decided to sit watching telly in the nude in the flat he shared with his ex-missus earned himself a wedding-tackle-torching for his trouble, the Evening Standard reports.

The unnamed man’s former wife evidently took exception to his vodka-swilling TV viewing, and duly set fire to his penis. A police spokeswoman admitted it was “difficult to predict” if the human candle would make a full recovery from the ordeal which he described as “monstrously painful”.

He added: “I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

In case you’re wondering, the couple divorced three years back, but continued to cohabit, an arrangement “common in Russia where property costs are very high”.’


news

Friday, August 24, 2007

 

Sexual Disorders

‘There’s a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic.

The chief doctor is showing him around,discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there in the hallway.

“What condition does he have?” the student asks. [..]’


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

 

It’s a trap

It's a trap


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

 

Dwarf’s penis gets stuck to vacuum cleaner

‘A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act was for him to appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member with a special apparatus.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately let it dry for only 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and … hospitalisation.’


notice

Thursday, August 16, 2007

 

Wanking Polar Bear

(876kB Flash video)

see it here »


‘Violent’ barrister ‘waved penis about’ at wedding

‘A drunken barrister accused of exposing himself to bridesmaids before battering a guest at a wedding told his victim he would ‘seriously beat him up’, a court has heard.

Best man Christopher Dunn, 40, so offended women and children guests at the country hotel reception, that David Baird-Dean stepped in to drag him away.

Dunn was threatened with police being called but guests relented when he offered an abject apology and pleaded as a barrister he would be in trouble if arrested, Preston Crown Court heard.

But hours later the heavily built lawyer allegedly beat his victim until he was unconscious after ushering him onto a sun terrace outside the venue, Harefield Hall Hotel in Pateley, Bridge, North Yorkshire. [..]

Its alleged the trouble began when Dunn was asked if he had a tattoo of a white rose, to which he replied, “I’ll show you a white rose” – then unzipped his trousers and pulled out his penis.’


Saturday, August 11, 2007

 

Builder loses nuts and bolts

‘Building boss Howard Shelley carried out the ultimate DIY conversion — by castrating himself so he could become a woman.

The 42-year-old dad of two decided on the drastic move after being told he would have to wait at least two years for a sex change on the NHS.

He found a website which gave a step-by-step guide to the eye-watering home surgery, then waited till wife Janet went out before setting to work with a kitchen knife in the loo. [..]

“In the end, I turned to the Net — it’s amazing what you can find. [..]

“The worst bit was steeling myself for the first cut. The whole thing took six minutes. It was agony, but I knew I couldn’t stop.”‘


handbook

Friday, August 10, 2007

 

‘Out’ of the cloth: Perspiring priest caught jogging nude

‘A Catholic priest faces an indecent exposure charge after police said he went jogging in the nude about an hour before sunrise.

The Rev. Robert Whipkey told officers he had been running naked at a high school track and didn’t think anyone would be around at that time of day, a police report said.

He told officers he sweats profusely if he wears clothing while jogging. “I know what I did was wrong,” he said in the report.’


Friday, August 3, 2007

 

Minister Charged With Indecent Exposure, DUI

‘Police in Johnson City arrested a Bristol, Virginia, minister for driving under the influence and indecent exposure.

Police say 58-year-old Tommy Tester urinated in front of children at a car wash while wearing a skirt. He will remain free on bond until an October court hearing.

He is also charged with having an open container of alcohol in his vehicle.

Tester is a minister of Gospel Baptist Church and works for Christian radio station W-Z-A-P, 690 A-M. The owner of the radio station, Al Morris, is asking for people to pray for Tester.

A report also accuses Tester of offering police officers oral sex and says an open bottle of vodka and empty oxycodone prescription bottle was found in his car when Tester was arrested Friday.’


privacy

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

 

Cops: Man mutilated himself

‘A Florida man was taken to Community Medical Center early Monday after he attempted to cut off his penis, authorities said.

Officers were dispatched about 4:45 a.m. to 437 Taylor Ave., in the city’s Hill Section, after reports of a man who cut himself. When they arrived James Powell, 20, of Miami, was standing in the kitchen, holding a towel over his penis, Scranton police Capt. Carl Graziano said.

“Officers observed a large amount of blood on the kitchen floor and on the counter where the knife was located,” Capt. Graziano said. “They asked the male what happened and he said he tried to cut his penis off.”’


api

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

 

Man Fucks A Pinata

(4.8meg Flash video)

see it here »


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