‘A Middletown woman is arrested, after chasing children, urinating on a porch, and blocking traffic… all while wearing a cow suit.
Police say 32 year old Michelle Allen was chasing children in the 3100 block of Wilbraham, while wearing the cow costume early Monday evening. Allen also reportedly urinated on a neighbor’s front porch. An officer told Allen to go home and stay there for the remainder of the evening.
Police were later called to North Verity Avenue, where Allen was allegedly blocking traffic. The arresting officer says Allen smelled of alcohol, slurred her speech, and was belligerent. She also allegedly cussed at the officer.
Allen is charged with disorderly conduct.’
‘I originally wrote this story as a reply in one of those “funny drinking stories” threads a couple of months ago. It is a very embarrassing story about me when I was a stupid teenager, not that much different from a lot of people’s drinking stories, but with a twist of lemon. Lots of people seemed to like it, so I thought I would illustrate and narrate the story in its own thread for maximum hilarity.
This all happened when I was 18 years old. I had dropped out of highschool twice by this point, ditched a lot of my friends because I was a selfish idiot and generally didn’t give a gently caress about anything. I hardly ever ate anything and was skinny as gently caress, showered maybe once every three days, took a poo poo load of drugs and smoked like a chimney. I didn’t have any prospects for the future. I just followed every impulse I had. I stole hundreds of dollars of stuff from the gas station I worked at. I stole poo poo from my parents. I shop lifted. I’m sure lots of people have been through a phase like this and I feel very sorry for all of you.’
‘Doctors treating a 14 year old boy from India were shocked to find a 2cm long fish had “slipped” up his penis and into his bladder.
The patient, who was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period, gave an interesting explanation.
Details of the case, which was documented in The Internet Journal of Urology, have revealed that the patient claimed that the fish “slipped” into his penis while he was maintaining his aquarium.’
‘Homosexual and heterosexual students should have separate bathrooms and showers in Idaho schools, a Wilder Republican running for the Idaho House said Friday.
Walt Bayes, who gained notoriety two years ago by going on an anti-abortion hunger strike that lasted 59 days, said he wasn’t sure how the issue could be handled other than providing different facilities for gay and straight students in schools.
The topic came up after Bayes mentioned it in his campaign literature, where he wrote, “It is absolutely wrong to force any student to share the same bathrooms and showers with homosexual teachers or students.”‘
‘In homes, apartments, and shanties throughout Buenos Aires, thousands of graying women joyfully pee into plastic containers at all hours of the day.
It isn’t exactly the picture postcard image that Argentina’s Secretariat of Tourism wants spread around the globe.
Gauchos, mountain peaks, tango, Patagonia, steak – now that’s the stuff of travel brochures.
Yet at any given moment, there are thousands more 65-year-old matrons holding a piece of Tupperware between sagging thighs – silently praying that their hand is steady and aim direct – than tight-assed 20-year-olds twirling the Tango.
Properly aged piss, it turns out, is one of Argentina’s least-known but most-valued exports.
The liquid gold from the ripe bladders of postmenopausal women has been helping “float” the Argentine economy by tens of millions of dollars a year for the last decade. Somewhere deep within the pungent molecules of senescent whiz – we’re clearly running out of original ways to say pee – is a high-value hormone used to combat infertility in younger women with ripe, but unwilling eggs.’
‘Deputies said a woman in western Kansas sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years, and they’re investigating whether she was mistreated.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said a man called his office last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.
Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.
“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”‘
‘Authorities are still trying to figure out what prompted 28-year-old Kevin Lininger to run naked up and down South Shawnee Street near Aurora today.
“He didn’t demonstrate any signs of alcohol or drug use,” said Arapahoe County Sheriff Grayson Robinson.
After getting reports from neighbors of a man running completely naked at about 7:30 a.m., deputies went to Lininger’s apartment at 5241 S. Shawnee St.
He was dressed and refused to talk, the sheriff said.
But at the police station, he let his urine do the talking. [..]‘
‘Eight British Commandos have been flown home in disgrace for stripping naked and engaging in appalling behaviour in a Norwegian bar during an Arctic training exercise.
The men disgusted onlookers in the town of Harstad with a drunken game of “naked bar”.
After whipping off their clothes, they urinated on each other – splashing other customers and furniture – before slurring insults and abuse.
Furious senior officers ordered the soldiers, from the Army’s 59 Independent Commando Squadron Royal Engineers, back home to face disciplinary action.
“This is taken extremely seriously,” a Ministry of Defence official said. [..]
Harstad police spokesman Gair Pedersen said: “They were drunk and there was a problem in the bar but we are quite used to dealing with British soldiers like this.”‘
‘A large, mysterious blob has taken over a major sewer line in the city of Lewiston, leaving public works crews stumped as to how to budge it.
According to city officials, the stretch of 12-inch pipe on Main Street backed up on Jan. 13, and the city has been trying unsuccessfully to clear the line ever since.
Deputy Public Services Director Kevin Gagne told News 8 the doughy, 90-foot mass is comprised of grease, flour and rags.’
‘The mother of an 8-year-old girl has been charged with two misdemeanor counts of child abuse in connection with a case involving a man accused of drinking her daughter’s urine. [..]
According to the a report in the Boulder Daily Camera, the girl’s mother told a teacher that her daughter is a child of the sun and can’t get up when it is dark outside. An arrest warrant obtained by the newspaper indicated the mother also said the girl’s eyes get “close-up X-ray vision” every night at midnight, which allows her to diagnose herself with sickle cell anemia, the warrant states. [..]
According to Cardillo’s arrest affidavit, the girl’s mother said she knew about the nudity and urine drinking, but told investigators that it wasn’t hurting anyone and she knew other people who drink urine. She said both she and Cardillo are nudists.’
‘A Spartanburg mother is accused of stabbing her son several times Christmas morning, but her son is the person facing charges.
City police say it appears the mother, 45-year-old Tammy Jones, stabbed her son because he urinated on her while she slept in her bed.
21-year-old Michael Anthony Carson, nicknamed Pooh Bear, is charged with aggravated assault and battery. Police arrested him at his mother’s home on Wednesday.
City police say Jones stabbed her son six times with a butcher knife. He suffered wounds to his shoulder, calf, and chest. Witnesses in the house heard Jones say “why did you pee on me Pooh Bear?” A few moments later, the witness heard the son say “Mama you done stabbed me.”‘
‘A surgery meant to reverse a colostomy on a Dover man went horribly wrong last year, resulting in fecal mater being discharged from his penis and urine passing through his colon, according to a lawsuit filed in Superior Court.
During the procedure, the suit alleges doctors at Kent General Hospital improperly stapled the colon to the bladder instead of the rectal stump. This left the patient with diarrhea, as well as gas and liquid stool passing from his penis.
The man was taken to Christiana Hospital 12 days later to have the procedure corrected, but not until after much suffering and embarrassment as well as “disfigurement and disability,” the suit claims. It also affected life at home with his wife, who also is suing the three doctors involved in the allegedly botched procedure, Surgical Associates P.A. and Bayhealth Medical Center Inc.’
Tigers are funny animals.
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‘Residents in a Blackwood street are kicking up a stink about litres of raw sewage flowing past their homes.
People living in Edward Street are furious that effluent is being forced out of storm drains on a daily basis and running along the length of their street.
They say waste including faeces, toilet paper, used condoms and sanitary towels is being washed up just yards from their front doors, causing a terrible stench and stopping children playing in the street. [..]
Caerphilly council environmental health officers have been monitoring the situation and keeping in touch with Welsh Water.’
‘WINK News Now obtained a confidential memo sent around the Collier County Sheriff’s Office. What it showed, sent a shockwave of disgust through our staff.
The question now is, is the new way to get high described in the memo, really being used in Southwest Florida. WINK News Now investigates.
It’s called Jenkem – the ingredients may shock you. [..]
Basically, the new drug is a mixture of solid human waste and urine, turned into a gas that can be huffed. [..]
When our crews asked some students about the drug, they said they never heard about it, and would not be interested in trying it.’
‘An Croatian motorbike rider was knocked unconscious when lightning struck his penis during a roadside toilet break.
Metro.co.uk reported Ante Djindjic, 29, escaped relatively unscathed from the incident, suffering only light burns to his chest and arms.
He said: “I don’t remember what happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next thing I knew I was in hospital.
“Doctors said the lightning went through my body and because I was wearing rubber boots it earthed itself through my penis.”
“Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually.”‘
‘Police started a missing person alert for a great-grandmother – only for her to turn up 12 hours later having been locked in a public loo overnight.
Gwyneth Coles, 77, of Pickering, North Yorkshire, got locked in the town’s toilets after nipping in following a bus journey on Monday evening.
Although an attendant locking up shouted to check the building was empty, he failed to hear her answer.
Flushed council officials apologised and sent Mrs Coles a bunch of flowers.’
‘A Hartlepool man is facing jail after he urinated on a disabled woman who lay dying in the street.
The 27-year-old shouted “this is YouTube material” as he degraded Christine Lakinski, 50, who had fallen ill, magistrates heard. [..]
Anderson had smoked a cannabis joint and been drinking when he and two friends spotted her.
He tried to rouse her by throwing a bucket of water over her, before urinating on her and covering her with shaving foam. The incident was filmed on a mobile phone.
She was later declared dead at the scene, the cause of death being given as pancreatic failure.’
‘A Vermont man sent a 16-year-old Enfield girl disturbing text messages and pictures of him wearing a diaper, police said.
Enfield police said Lawrence Robarge, 48, of Vermont, sent the messages to the girl earlier in September. The girl didn’t recognize the number, but she contacted police when she saw the messages and pictures.
“They were very disturbing, given her age and what the text messages say,” Chief Richard Crate Jr. said.
Police said that one picture sent to the girl shows a bottle of baby powder and two diapers. A caption with the photo reads, “Show this to your lady friends then have them call me if their [sic] interested. OKAY???”
Crate said that Robarge dialed the number at random and reached the girl.’
‘Central Connecticut State University students and faculty said Thursday they are livid over a controversial comic strip featured in the school newspaper, The Recorder.
The comic strip, dubbed “Polydongs,” depicts explicit images surrounding the humiliation and degradation of a 14-year-old Latina girl. The paper printed a disclaimer saying it “does not support the kidnapping of (and subsequent urinating on) children of any age or ethnicity.”
Said CCSU professor Katharine Hermes of the strip: “It’s disturbing that it would appear as a cartoon, suggesting that there’s something funny about this, although I couldn’t find anything funny in it.”
The comic is not the The Recorder’s first brush with public outrage. Last February, an opinion piece was published detailing how less attractive and overweight women “may benefit” from being raped.’
‘An Invercargill man who urinates on his veggie garden stands by his practice.
Nick Kiddey told The Southland Times this week that he urinates on his vegetable plants as it was an excellent fertiliser, which was sterile and contains no pathogens.
It was also a great way to conserve water instead of flushing the toilet which wastes up to 11 litres of clean water per flush, Mr Kiddey said.
However, a caller to The Southland Times disagreed with Mr Kiddey’s comments about urine containing no pathogens and wanted to know what evidence there was to support it.
Mr Kiddey responded, stating that on further research into the issue he agreed urine “may contain” pathogens.’
‘The Meng brothers felt pretty good about their chances of making it out of the collapsed coal mine, until the sound of digging from outside stopped.
With no food or water, they were forced to eat coal and drink their own urine from discarded bottles. When they were too exhausted to try to dig themselves out, they slept huddled together in the cold and dark.
Meng Xianchen and Meng Xianyou finally clawed their way to the surface after nearly six days underground – a rare tale of survival in China’s coal mines, the world’s deadliest, where an average of 13 workers are killed every day.
The two even managed to crack jokes about their wives remarrying once they were dead after they emerged Friday from the illegal mine – which had no oxygen, ventilation or emergency exits – in Beijing’s Fangshan district.’
‘Let’s get this action goin’, baby.’
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‘Physicists in Singapore have developed a battery that can be powered by human urine. Aimed at disposable health-care kits for use in rural areas, we naturally couldn’t pass up the opportunity to comment on such a product being used for those “emergency” phone calls when your conventional battery had died. Led by Dr Ki Bang Lee, a team at Singapore’s Institute of Bioengineering and Nanotechnology developed a paper battery which is designed to be cheap to produce, and use urine as its power charge source.
Using 0.2 ml of urine, the team were able to generate a voltage of around 1.5 Volts with a corresponding maximum power of 1.5 mW. Battery performance can also be adjusted by using different construction materials.’
‘Whenever folks who have lived or traveled in Germany gather for a beer, sooner or later one subject is sure to rear its ugly head: what is the deal with those toilets? [..]
We’ve had innumerable bad experiences with German toilets. In Berlin, we lived on an upper floor and the water pressure was too weak to push a healthy-sized log off the shelf. After a few minutes’ fruitless flushing you’d be forced to grab a wad of toilet paper and give the horrid thing an encouraging nudge. Then followed a lengthy bout of brushing and cleaning to remove the skid marks from the porcelain. At the other extreme, in Munich we lived in a basement suite where the water pressure was too high. Worse, the shelf was actually slightly concave, forming a shallow bowl. The first time I flushed the toilet the water came rushing through so forcefully that a small chunk of poo launched off the lip and shot out over the floor. After that we always held the lid down when we flushed. I swore you could feel a kick as the turd ricoched off the underside.’
‘Tall girl in design with the short brown hair- You have horrendous body odor! I’m not talking a little stench here and there I am talking everyday when you walk into the building people drop dead. I don’t know how you don’t notice it. I’m going to buy you deodorant for Christmas.
Fat woman who works in suite 19- I don’t know exactly what you do for this company, but I know far too much about your personal life. When you talk to your boyfriend on company time, please refrain from telling him it felt so good when he slipped his hard dick into your fat ass! Yea I heard that, and so does everyone else that walks by your suite when you are on the phone. It’s disgusting, and we don’t want to hear about it, so keep your voice down.’
‘A man confessed to breaking into a Porter County probation office and stealing two urine samples, including his own, police said.
Joseph Klinkman, 23, of Valparaiso faces a burglary charge for Tuesday night’s break-in. The theft was discovered Wednesday morning at the Porter County PACT office, which operates programs for prisoners, ex-offenders, victims and witnesses.
A judge had ordered Klinkman to undergo programs through PACT because of an earlier drug possession charge. [..]
“He’d been in a few hours before and gave a urine sample,” Balon said. “He saw they were testing for a drug he didn’t think they were testing for. He panicked.”‘