Posts tagged as: shit

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Monday, November 3, 2008

 

The plop thickens as father again agrees to test

‘The father of a family allegedly given a cup of gelato laced with human faeces at the Coogee Bay Hotel has reiterated his willingness to undertake a DNA test to prove he did not put it there himself, following the release of footage of the incident yesterday.

The footage, released by the hotel, appears to show Stephen Whyte leaving the table and heading towards the bathroom after the arrival of the gelato.

But Mr Whyte strenuously denied he had put his faeces into the dessert bowl yesterday. [..]

“It probably took me four minutes from putting it in my mouth and spitting it out from actually realising, ‘Oh my God, I just had shit in my mouth’,” Ms Whyte said. “I’m not going to stand down until I have public acknowledgement from the hotel that the incident happened.”‘


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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

 

Vicar accused of threatening herself

‘British authorities say a vicar stands accused of allegedly sending herself a dead hedgehog and dog feces to prove herself a crime victim.

The Rev. Janet Magee, 62, a Methodist minister, also claimed she was the victim of threatening phone calls and hate mail, which police determined she allegedly made and sent herself, the Daily Mail reported Monday.

Police reached their conclusions after secretly installing a closed circuit television camera in her home, the Mail reported, noting Magee is in on trial in Grimsby Crown Court for making false claims to police.

Magee, who allegedly tried to portray the hedgehog, dog feces, phone calls and hate mail as the work of people in her church, has been suspended as minister in charge of seven parishes on the Brigg and Barton-upon-Humbler Methodist Circuit, the Mail reported, noting Magee has pleaded innocent.’


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Sunday, October 12, 2008

 

My adventures in a White Castle bathroom

‘This happened in 1985 when I was about 12 years old. I apologize for the length.

I had just got done with a little league baseball game and was heading home. My parents were driving myself and a couple of friends home, when they decided to pull into the local White Castle and feed us all. Went through the drive thru, got our food, and decided to park in the parking lot to sit and eat.

I finished my meal (I think it was 3 double cheeseburgers, or sliders as most know them by), when my stomach started to rumble really, really bad. God I had to use the restroom. Anyone who has ever had white castles knows what I’m talking about I’m sure. I told everyone I would be back and ran inside to use the bathroom. ‘


terms

Thursday, September 18, 2008

 

bodily fluids disaster story

‘I originally wrote this story as a reply in one of those “funny drinking stories” threads a couple of months ago. It is a very embarrassing story about me when I was a stupid teenager, not that much different from a lot of people’s drinking stories, but with a twist of lemon. Lots of people seemed to like it, so I thought I would illustrate and narrate the story in its own thread for maximum hilarity.

This all happened when I was 18 years old. I had dropped out of highschool twice by this point, ditched a lot of my friends because I was a selfish idiot and generally didn’t give a gently caress about anything. I hardly ever ate anything and was skinny as gently caress, showered maybe once every three days, took a poo poo load of drugs and smoked like a chimney. I didn’t have any prospects for the future. I just followed every impulse I had. I stole hundreds of dollars of stuff from the gas station I worked at. I stole poo poo from my parents. I shop lifted. I’m sure lots of people have been through a phase like this and I feel very sorry for all of you.’


Monday, August 11, 2008

 

my gf shits standing up…

‘the bathroom door was half-open, so i thought no one was using it, and i catch my gf standing legs spread on either side of the toilet — DROPPING TURDS! wtf!? right as she’s squeezing off a real long and heavy one, she says: “INCOMING!” and makes bomb-dropping noises. “captain! we’re under attack! we’ve been hit! fire in the hole!”

then she looks up at me, sort of sheepish and blushes and quickly assumes the “normal” position. “just a little game i sometimes play when i’m bored,” she says as she starts to wipe herself.

my jaw is still on the floor and i’m speechless. “whatever…..” i mumble as i head for the door. [..]‘


international

Monday, June 16, 2008

 

Walt Bayes: Schools need separate bathrooms for gay students

‘Homosexual and heterosexual students should have separate bathrooms and showers in Idaho schools, a Wilder Republican running for the Idaho House said Friday.

Walt Bayes, who gained notoriety two years ago by going on an anti-abortion hunger strike that lasted 59 days, said he wasn’t sure how the issue could be handled other than providing different facilities for gay and straight students in schools.

The topic came up after Bayes mentioned it in his campaign literature, where he wrote, “It is absolutely wrong to force any student to share the same bathrooms and showers with homosexual teachers or students.”‘


Thursday, May 29, 2008

 

Introducing the amazing … Shit Box

‘Shit Box is a lightweight portable cardboard toilet, made specifically for outdoor use. The box pops up from a convenient 12 inch flat pack to a rigid, reusable, comfortable toilet. Each box comes with ten degradable poo bags.’


Saturday, May 3, 2008

 

Oh Shiit


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Friday, March 21, 2008

 

Urban Dictionary: poopsocking

‘Defacating into a sock in order to avoid having to get up from your computer to use the toilet. Often utilized when playing online role playing games.’


Thursday, March 13, 2008

 

Woman sits on boyfriend’s toilet for 2 years

‘Deputies said a woman in western Kansas sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years, and they’re investigating whether she was mistreated.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said a man called his office last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.

Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”‘


Friday, March 7, 2008

 

Giant ‘chicken droppings catapult’ set up by businessman to protect premises from arsonists

‘Every night Joe Weston-Webb loads chicken droppings into a 30ft catapult and primes a cannon that used to fire his wife with a railway sleeper, all in the name of security.

The ex-showman wheeled out old props in a desperate bid to protect his business from arsonists. [..]

Mr Weston-Webb, 70, has rigged up Britain’s biggest anti-burglar device after being targeted by vandalism, break-ins and even an arson attack.

But police have told him he will be prosecuted if he unleashes the wrath of the 30ft-tall Roman catapult – filled with chicken poo collected from a nearby farm – on any yobs he catches on his property.

The businessman has even put up a sign outside his property reading: “WARNING. These premises are protected by Smart Poo and railway sleeper projectiles.”‘


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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

 

Shop-owners sold chocolate cake sprinkled with human faeces

‘Two shop-owners were today fined for selling chocolate cake – which had been sprinkled with human faeces.

A horrified customer ate the foul-smelling gateaux but noticed that it didn’t taste or smell “quite right” and handed the cake to public health scientists.

The analysts soon established that the sweet treat was covered in faeces and legal proceedings against the shop owners were started.

Shop owners Saeed Hasmi, 25, and Jan Yadgari, 23, were fined £1,500 for selling food unfit for human consumption.

The pair – who ran the Italiano Pizzeria in Roath, Cardiff – admitted the charge but did not say how the chocolate cake was contaminated.’


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Monday, January 28, 2008

 

Local Bird Infestation

Live television is good television. :)

(825kB Flash video)

see it here »


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shitsenders.com

‘Looking for a great gag gift? Has some one really pissed you off? Don’t get mad, GET EVEN. Send that special some one a big stinky pile of shit.

GUARANTEED ANONYMOUS’


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City Battles Giant Blob

‘A large, mysterious blob has taken over a major sewer line in the city of Lewiston, leaving public works crews stumped as to how to budge it.

According to city officials, the stretch of 12-inch pipe on Main Street backed up on Jan. 13, and the city has been trying unsuccessfully to clear the line ever since.

Deputy Public Services Director Kevin Gagne told News 8 the doughy, 90-foot mass is comprised of grease, flour and rags.’


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Thursday, January 24, 2008

 

Old Lady Craps In Store

(825kB Flash video)

see it here »


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

 

Grandma Slips in Duck Crap

‘That’s not funny. I’m sitting in loads of shit.’

(3.5meg Flash video)

see it here »


international

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

 

Why Did Prime Minister Abe Shinzo Resign? Crippling Diarrhea.

‘Shinzo Abe would like the world to know that he did not resign last year because of failed policies or election losses. The real reason reason for his resignation was crippling diarrhea that forced him to go to the toilet 30 times a day:

Abe said he has been struck by ulcerative colitis, a bowel illness caused by ulcers, at least once a year since he was 17. [..]

“To mention an indelicate matter, I rushed to the lavatory after having keen abdominal pains and saw the basin all red with tremendous bleeding,” he said.

“Bleeding causes slight anaemia. More than anything else, though, you feel depressed as you see fresh blood every time you go to the toilet,” he said in an article contributed to the major conservative monthly Bungei Shunju.

Abe said the illness usually made him “feel the need to relieve my bowels every 30 minutes.” [..]

“The need to go to the toilet many times a day hampers election and other political activities very much,” he said, adding his wife, Akie, once made a tearful plea to him to quit his political career.’


Tuesday, January 1, 2008

 

Very Complicated Request, Please Kindly Read!!!

‘If you are groggy or stoned please do not read this, I need your complete and sober attention, for my request is uniquely detailed. I am a man, 35, white, black hair with brown eyes. Okay, first what I am looking for is a woman primary, but secondary it could be a woman and her man, but the man will have to remain behind the black curtain and only watch through the cut out eyeholes. The black curtain is inside the apartment that I reside in. This apartment is a fashionable studio in the hot part of town, and all my neighbors are graphic artists. So now please kindly listen to my request: what I require foremost in a woman with bushy eyebrows. And they must be TWO eyebrows, because one eyebrow is an abonination against Gaia. [..]‘


Monday, December 3, 2007

 

Colostomy reversal botched, suit says

‘A surgery meant to reverse a colostomy on a Dover man went horribly wrong last year, resulting in fecal mater being discharged from his penis and urine passing through his colon, according to a lawsuit filed in Superior Court.

During the procedure, the suit alleges doctors at Kent General Hospital improperly stapled the colon to the bladder instead of the rectal stump. This left the patient with diarrhea, as well as gas and liquid stool passing from his penis.

The man was taken to Christiana Hospital 12 days later to have the procedure corrected, but not until after much suffering and embarrassment as well as “disfigurement and disability,” the suit claims. It also affected life at home with his wife, who also is suing the three doctors involved in the allegedly botched procedure, Surgical Associates P.A. and Bayhealth Medical Center Inc.’


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Friday, November 9, 2007

 

2 Girls 1 Cup

You won’t like this video. You may vomit from watching it. :) It’s not as bad as the least safe for work video ever, but it’s getting there.

This is very definitely NSFW.

Also, there’s some reaction videos of other people not liking it aswell. :)

see it here »


Hide your old pills in poop, government says

‘Got some leftover drugs — the kind that someone else might want to use, such as painkillers or stimulants? Wrap them up in used kitty litter or other pet droppings, the government advises.

A pilot program at the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is looking at ways people can safely dispose of unused prescription drugs that are liable to be abused. [..]

Of course some people do not drink coffee. But maybe they have a pet ferret.

“Ferret waste, like nearly any other form of pet waste, can be effectively used to help prevent the abuse of unused prescription drugs,” SAMHSA spokesman Mark Weber said.

This news delighted the American Ferret Association.’


Thursday, November 8, 2007

 

Residents Fury At Sewage Leak

‘Residents in a Blackwood street are kicking up a stink about litres of raw sewage flowing past their homes.

People living in Edward Street are furious that effluent is being forced out of storm drains on a daily basis and running along the length of their street.

They say waste including faeces, toilet paper, used condoms and sanitary towels is being washed up just yards from their front doors, causing a terrible stench and stopping children playing in the street. [..]

Caerphilly council environmental health officers have been monitoring the situation and keeping in touch with Welsh Water.’


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Wife spared jail over dog excrement in husband’s curry

‘A Scottish woman has avoided a prison sentence after she admitted putting dog excrement in her husband’s curry.

Jill Martin, 47, took drastic action after her marriage broke down and burst out laughing when her husband Donald started eating the dish at their home in Newton Mearns, Glasgow, Paisley Sheriff Court in central Scotland heard.

She admitted culpable and reckless conduct in May following the incident in March.

But Sheriff Susan Sinclair said that she would not send her to jail because her circumstances are “quite different” than at the time of the attack. She was discharged without punishment.’

Followup to Wife put excrement in man’s curry.


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Grandpa Goes Bungee Jumping

And he’s terrified.

Ach du Scheisse! :)

(9.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Wednesday, November 7, 2007

 

Are local kids using human waste to get high?

‘WINK News Now obtained a confidential memo sent around the Collier County Sheriff’s Office. What it showed, sent a shockwave of disgust through our staff.

The question now is, is the new way to get high described in the memo, really being used in Southwest Florida. WINK News Now investigates.

It’s called Jenkem – the ingredients may shock you. [..]

Basically, the new drug is a mixture of solid human waste and urine, turned into a gas that can be huffed. [..]

When our crews asked some students about the drug, they said they never heard about it, and would not be interested in trying it.’


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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

 

Scent of a Führer

‘Guests at the Berghof, Hitler’s private chalet in the Bavarian Alps, must have endured some unpleasant odors in the otherwise healthful mountain air.

It may sound like a Woody Allen scenario, but medical historians are unanimous that Adolf was the victim of uncontrollable flatulence. Spasmodic stomach cramps, constipation and diarrhea, possibly the result of nervous tension, had been Hitler’s curse since childhood and only grew more severe as he aged. As a stressed-out dictator, the agonizing digestive attacks would occur after most meals: Albert Speer recalled that the Führer, ashen-faced, would leap up from the dinner table and disappear to his room.

[..] Strangely, Hitler was unfazed by the fact that this high-fiber diet was having the opposite effect on his digestion than what he had intended: His private physician, Dr. Theo Morell, recorded in his diary that after Hitler downed a typical vegetable platter, “constipation and colossal flatulence occurred on a scale I have seldom encountered before.”‘


terms

Monday, September 24, 2007

 

Mammoth dung, prehistoric goo may speed warming

‘Sergei Zimov bends down, picks up a handful of treacly mud and holds it up to his nose. It smells like a cow pat, but he knows better.

“It smells like mammoth dung,” he says.

This is more than just another symptom of global warming.

For millennia, layers of animal waste and other organic matter left behind by the creatures that used to roam the Arctic tundra have been sealed inside the frozen permafrost. Now climate change is thawing the permafrost and lifting this prehistoric ooze from suspended animation.

But Zimov, a scientist who for almost 30 years has studied climate change in Russia’s Arctic, believes that as this organic matter becomes exposed to the air it will accelerate global warming faster than even some of the most pessimistic forecasts.’


Woman spends night locked in loo

‘Police started a missing person alert for a great-grandmother – only for her to turn up 12 hours later having been locked in a public loo overnight.

Gwyneth Coles, 77, of Pickering, North Yorkshire, got locked in the town’s toilets after nipping in following a bus journey on Monday evening.

Although an attendant locking up shouted to check the building was empty, he failed to hear her answer.

Flushed council officials apologised and sent Mrs Coles a bunch of flowers.’


international

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

 

Diapered Man Sent Teen Dirty Texts

‘A Vermont man sent a 16-year-old Enfield girl disturbing text messages and pictures of him wearing a diaper, police said.

Enfield police said Lawrence Robarge, 48, of Vermont, sent the messages to the girl earlier in September. The girl didn’t recognize the number, but she contacted police when she saw the messages and pictures.

“They were very disturbing, given her age and what the text messages say,” Chief Richard Crate Jr. said.

Police said that one picture sent to the girl shows a bottle of baby powder and two diapers. A caption with the photo reads, “Show this to your lady friends then have them call me if their [sic] interested. OKAY???”

Crate said that Robarge dialed the number at random and reached the girl.’