Posts tagged as: unlucky

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

 

Vile paedophiles tried to prey on each other as they searched for victims on internet

‘Two paedophiles went looking for victims on the internet – and ended up trying to prey on each other.

One of the perverts, school support worker Brian Syme, posed as a teenage girl called “Nikki D” to lure young boys.

And the other, student monster Andrew Byrne, mistook the tubby 32-year-old for a child he could abuse.

But Byrne, who groomed 250 children and molested a string of youngsters, was stunned when his “victim” became “sexually aggressive” and demanded explicit pictures of him.

He was so surprised that he asked his target: “Are you sure you’re a girl?”

Both perverts are now in jail and Byrne is considered such a threat to children that he will be supervised for the rest of his life.’


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Thursday, July 8, 2010

 

Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters

‘Olympic bronze medalist Walter Dix edged out Tyson Gay in the former world champion’s hotly-anticipated return to the 200 meters at the Prefontaine Classic Diamond League meeting on Saturday. [..]

Gay, who has been battling a nagging hamstring problem for seven weeks, ran his first 200 of the year in 19.76 seconds to finish just shy of Dix, who took control coming off the bend and stayed in front to win in 19.72.

“It wasn’t bad, but I was a little fatigued toward the end,” Gay said. “I tried to stay relaxed and bring it home, but it wasn’t enough.”‘


Monday, January 18, 2010

 

Floor collapses at Weight Watchers meeting

‘A floor collapsed beneath a group of about 20 members of Weight Watchers as they gathered to compare how many pounds they had shed over Christmas.

Members of the weight-loss club were lining up to compare readings on the scales when they heard a bang as the floor came away from the walls of their meeting room in Växjö in southern Sweden.

“We suddenly heard a huge thud – we almost thought it was an earthquake and everything flew up in the air. The floor collapsed in one corner of the room and along the walls,” one of the those present told the Smålandsposten newspaper.

They abandoned the room as the floor started to give way in other areas.’


api

Sunday, July 12, 2009

 

Scary Horse

(1.3meg Flash video)

see it here »


notice

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

 

Man jailed for sex act with sister in park

‘A man drunk on mouthwash who performed oral sex on his unconscious sister in Rainbow Park was sentenced to jail-time served and three years probation Tuesday in Sarnia court.

The 38-year-old pleaded guilty to committing an indecent act May 4 in the south Christina Street park. [..]

The man doesn’t recall the incident but didn’t dispute it occurred, based on a witness’s statement.

A family visiting the park about 6:30 p.m. came upon the couple on a park bench, police had reported earlier.

Defence lawyer Robert McFadden noted his client was incomprehensible when arrested because he and his sister had been drinking alcohol-laced mouthwash.

The woman was intoxicated and unconscious throughout the incident.

The mother of the pair told McFadden she hopes her son didn’t realize the woman was his sister. She called it the low point in her son’s life of alcohol abuse, the lawyer said.’


tour

Saturday, June 27, 2009

 

Actor needed for emotional role – One day high pay

‘My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.’


about

Saturday, June 20, 2009

 

20 Ton Air Conditioner

(1.1meg Flash video)

see it here »


podcast

Officer wrote ‘kitchen bitch’ on ticket

‘A highway patrol officer will be reprimanded after he admitted writing “kitchen bitch” as the occupation of a Greymouth teenager on an infringement ticket he issued her. [..]

Ms Butters said that when she was stopped just after 3pm, the officer asked what her occupation was.

“I told him I was a kitchen hand and part-time chef. I never said I was a ‘kitchen bitch’.”

Tasman police district Superintendent Gary Knowles said yesterday he was treating the matter seriously.

“In fact, I have already spoken to the officer concerned, from Nelson, and he has admitted writing the words ‘kitchen bitch’ on the ticket, but according to him that is what she told him.”‘


research

Friday, April 17, 2009

 

The Pirate Bay trial: guilty verdict

‘The four co-founders of website The Pirate Bay have been found guilty of assisting the distribution of illegal content online by a Swedish court today and have been sentenced to a year in jail and a $3.6m (£2.4m) fine.

Charges against the site, which allows web users to access music, movies and TV shows without paying for them and claimed 22 million users during February, were brought by a consortium of media, film and music companies led by the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry.

A Stockholm court found the four defendants guilty of making 33 specific files accessible for illegal sharing through The Pirate Bay, which means they will have to pay compensation to 17 different music and media companies including Sony BMG, Universal, EMI, Warner, MGM and 20th Century Fox.

All four have pledged to appeal against the decision though the process may take several years.’


Friday, April 10, 2009

 

Student hit by corpse thrown from speeding car

‘A cyclist was knocked out after being hit by a corpse thrown from a speeding car.

Student Wu Dan, 16, was riding home when the incident happened.

His uncle Yun Tsui said: “A car passed and a package came flying out the door. It had a dead woman inside. My nephew was very upset.”

Police believe she was the victim of a car accident and was being dumped by the driver who had hit her in Dongyang, eastern China..’


Monday, January 26, 2009

 

An explanation to the unfortunate waitress who had my table.

‘I entered your fine eatery alone today. You greeted me with a great big smile and I was smitten immediately. You are gorgeous and exactly my type, down to the perfume you so delicately shared with me as you passed by. I’m really a normal guy and I’d like to explain myself. Perhaps we can put today’s unfortunate events aside and start over in a few weeks, should I be lucky enough you read this.

Men are pigs. This is a simple fact of life. I’ll be the first to admit it. That said, I was admiring you work for a while and was becoming more and more attracted to you. The more I watched, not all stalker like mind you, the more I was sure you were in fact as beautiful as I had first observed. When you came back to my table and offered to top off my coffee, I was so focused on being close to you, so enamored, I failed to recognize what was going on in my pants. I could not be more sorry.

What I FELT was something foreign moving in my pants. What was ACTUALLY happening was, I was getting an erection. My first gut reaction was to immediately, without hesitation, rain death down upon this uninvited intruder. Kill it before it killed me. [..]‘


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

 

Two cases of compulsive swearing – in sign language

‘Here we present a 31-year-old man with prelingual deafness who had motor and vocal tics as well as coprolalia expressed through sign language. He would feel a compulsion to use the sign for “cunt” (see Fig. 1: [top]) in contexts (grammatical and social) that were not appropriate. This is essentially the sign for the medical term “vagina” except that the sign is pushed toward the person at whom it is aimed and accompanied by threatening body language and facial expression. The patient would then feel embarrassed about the compulsion and aim to disguise it as another sign. Commonly, this would be the sign for “petrol pump” (see Fig. 2: [bottom]). This can also be used to symbolise a small watering can.’


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

 

Cameraman Goes On Strike, Live

Doug!

(2.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Sunday, November 9, 2008

 

Jogger runs mile with rabid fox locked on her arm

‘With a fox locked onto her arm, an Arizona jogger ran a mile to her car, where she was able to dislodge the animal, throw it into the trunk and drive to a Prescott hospital. The Yavapai County Sheriff’s Office said the fox, which later attacked an animal control officer, tested positive for rabies.

The unidentified Chino Valley resident told deputies she was on a trail Monday at the base of Granite Mountain when the fox attacked, biting her foot. The woman said she grabbed it by the neck when it went for her leg and it latched onto her arm.

Thinking the fox was rabid, she wanted to make sure it didn’t get away so she ran to her car, where she was able to pry open its jaws, wrap it in a sweat shirt and toss it into the trunk.

The woman is receiving rabies vaccinations, as is the animal control officer.’


Monday, November 3, 2008

 

The plop thickens as father again agrees to test

‘The father of a family allegedly given a cup of gelato laced with human faeces at the Coogee Bay Hotel has reiterated his willingness to undertake a DNA test to prove he did not put it there himself, following the release of footage of the incident yesterday.

The footage, released by the hotel, appears to show Stephen Whyte leaving the table and heading towards the bathroom after the arrival of the gelato.

But Mr Whyte strenuously denied he had put his faeces into the dessert bowl yesterday. [..]

“It probably took me four minutes from putting it in my mouth and spitting it out from actually realising, ‘Oh my God, I just had shit in my mouth’,” Ms Whyte said. “I’m not going to stand down until I have public acknowledgement from the hotel that the incident happened.”‘


api

Saturday, November 1, 2008

 

Vicar went to hospital with potato stuck in bottom

‘The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table.

He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game.

The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people’s backsides or genitals.

Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll – and a carnation.’


notice

Speeding? You must take me for some sort of Muppet!

‘German traffic police have been left looking like proper muppets by a British prankster.

An Audi TT with British registration plates has been repeatedly caught speeding on roads in the Bavarian city of Bayreuth.

But because continental speed cameras are set up for left-hand drive vehicles, the cameras keep missing the driver’s face.

Instead, they keep capturing clear views of a manic Muppet-like toy which the cheeky Brit has propped up on his passenger seat.

But police admit they are even baffled about the identity of the muppet.’


tour

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

 

Sofa is blamed for heart failure

‘A man who claims chemicals in his sofa caused a serious heart problem is to sue its supplier and manufacturer. [..]

Mr Green said he first suffered blisters, then breathing problems, followed by pneumonia and finally heart failure, which doctors have told him has left half his heart damaged.

“At first I just couldn’t catch my breath, I thought it was just a cold or flu, but it just escalated from there,” he said. [..]

He claims sachets of anti-mould fungicide placed under the sofa cushions to keep the leather fresh were responsible.

The sachets contained the chemical dimethyl fumarate.’


about

Sunday, October 12, 2008

 

My adventures in a White Castle bathroom

‘This happened in 1985 when I was about 12 years old. I apologize for the length.

I had just got done with a little league baseball game and was heading home. My parents were driving myself and a couple of friends home, when they decided to pull into the local White Castle and feed us all. Went through the drive thru, got our food, and decided to park in the parking lot to sit and eat.

I finished my meal (I think it was 3 double cheeseburgers, or sliders as most know them by), when my stomach started to rumble really, really bad. God I had to use the restroom. Anyone who has ever had white castles knows what I’m talking about I’m sure. I told everyone I would be back and ran inside to use the bathroom. ‘


podcast

Thursday, September 25, 2008

 

West Virginia Man Charged with Assaulting an Officer

‘A man arrested for driving under the influence in West Virginia got himself into a lot more trouble later at the police station.

Jose Cruz was pulled over Monday night on Route 60 in South Charleston for driving with his headlights off. He was subsequently arrested after failing a series of sobriety tests, according to WSAZ TV in Charleston.

During fingerprinting, Cruz then allegedly moved closer to one of the officers and passed gas, the station reported. In the complaint, the investigating officer wrote that police noticed a “very strong” odor.

The alleged stunt led Cruz to be charged with another offense — battery on an officer — in addition to DUI and obstruction, WSAZ reported.’


research

Sunday, September 21, 2008

 

Bulgarian Idol – Ken Lee

Ken Lee.. tulibu dibu douchoo..

(2.9meg Flash video)

see it here »


Thursday, September 18, 2008

 

bodily fluids disaster story

‘I originally wrote this story as a reply in one of those “funny drinking stories” threads a couple of months ago. It is a very embarrassing story about me when I was a stupid teenager, not that much different from a lot of people’s drinking stories, but with a twist of lemon. Lots of people seemed to like it, so I thought I would illustrate and narrate the story in its own thread for maximum hilarity.

This all happened when I was 18 years old. I had dropped out of highschool twice by this point, ditched a lot of my friends because I was a selfish idiot and generally didn’t give a gently caress about anything. I hardly ever ate anything and was skinny as gently caress, showered maybe once every three days, took a poo poo load of drugs and smoked like a chimney. I didn’t have any prospects for the future. I just followed every impulse I had. I stole hundreds of dollars of stuff from the gas station I worked at. I stole poo poo from my parents. I shop lifted. I’m sure lots of people have been through a phase like this and I feel very sorry for all of you.’


Sunday, August 24, 2008

 

to the perv who groped me on my way home

‘Me: caucasian, white yoga capris and tan tank top
you: Latino, 5’8, in your twenties, sports jersey, short hair, mole on your face.

You might have been following me for a while, Mr. Perv, I don’t know – I was on the phone with my mother, venting about my roommate situation (we had to find a new one) and my job search (like, I need a job), when you snuck up behind me, and gently squeezed my ass. Not just the top of my ass, but kinda low, kinda close to my you-know-what, if you know what I mean.

You know, even my boyfriend needs permission to get that close, so having a perfect stranger attempt access so suddenly, so completely out of the blue, triggered my fight-or-flight response. And I *fight*. [..]‘


Saturday, August 23, 2008

 

Murder suspect ‘too fat for jail’

‘The bedridden woman, who weighs nearly half a ton – 1,000 pounds or over 71 stone – is accused of killing her two-year-old nephew.

A grand jury indicted Mayra Lizbeth Rosales, 27, on a charge of first degree murder on Thursday and ordered her bail be set at $150,000.

Hidalgo County District Attorney Rene Guerra Rosales told local television news he hoped to take the woman into custody as early as Friday but did not go into detail as to how this would be done.

Lupe Trevino, Hidalgo County Sheriff, said holding Rosales at the county jail for the duration of her trial would be impossible because she needs extensive medical care.

“She would die,” said Mr Trevino.’


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

 

Airline captain, lawyer, child on terror ‘watch list’

‘James Robinson is a retired Air National Guard brigadier general and a commercial pilot for a major airline who flies passenger planes around the country.

Eight-year-old James Robinson isn’t sure what “terrorist” means, but he’s on the government list, too.

He has even been certified by the Transportation Security Administration to carry a weapon into the cockpit as part of the government’s defense program should a terrorist try to commandeer a plane.

But there’s one problem: James Robinson, the pilot, has difficulty even getting to his plane because his name is on the government’s terrorist “watch list.”

That means he can’t use an airport kiosk to check in; he can’t do it online; he can’t do it curbside. Instead, like thousands of Americans whose names match a name or alias used by a suspected terrorist on the list, he must go to the ticket counter and have an agent verify that he is James Robinson, the pilot, and not James Robinson, the terrorist.

“Shocking’s a good word; frustrating,” Robinson — the pilot — said. “I’m carrying a weapon, flying a multimillion-dollar jet with passengers, but I’m still screened as, you know, on the terrorist watch list.”‘


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Sunday, August 17, 2008

 

Man banned for loud sex

‘A British man has been banned from visiting his girlfriend’s home after neighbours complained about noisy sex, a local official said today.

A court barred Adam Hinton, 32, from being within 100 metres of his 29-year-old girlfriend Kerry Norris’ apartment, Brighton and Hove City Council spokesman Mike Taggart said.

Residents of Norris’s home had been complaining since 2006 about thumping music, banging headboards and screamed obscenities, Taggart said.

Neighbours also complained about Norris sunbathing naked in her yard, and were upset that a six-year-old child in the building had been “subjected to the sort of obscenities you wouldn’t want a six-year-old to hear,” the spokesman said.’


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

 

To the Minotaur that lives above me.

‘First off, I must say that I admire your courage. It must be hard living in the world today as a lady-beast. Society judges, oh lord do they ever.

With that said, let’s get down to business. Over the past year, we’ve had a funny sort of relationship, you and I. When I first moved into the place, it was rather peaceful. It was an exciting time in my life, as it was the first time I would be living by myself. Then came the day that I first heard it. What did I hear you ask? It was sound of your hooves galloping across the hardwood floors of your living room. At the time I thought, “No big deal, surely it can’t always be like this.” Oh was I wrong. It turned out that every time I was at home, you would be up there, stomping around, like the wild lady-beast that you are.

After a few weeks, I determined through a process of elimination, that you are in fact, a Minotaur. It only makes sense.’


api

UK Police Accidentally Send Citizens to Hardcore Gay Porn Site

‘We’ve all done it. Someone asks for your phone number and you gladly give it, only to later realize you gave them one number out of order or something and they’re calling some random stranger now.

A UK police department did much the same thing, except instead of a phone number it was a website and instead of reaching some random guy they saw several random guys do some very adult oriented things to each other.

The police department in Sussex, a county in the South of England, was attempting to promote Operation Beat Sweep, a massive program aimed at helping end crime by tackling anti-social behaviour in the community.

To help promote the initiative they passed out leaflets on Operation Beat Sweep. The leaflets encouraged anybody who had further questions to visit the police website at www.sussexpolice.co.uk. There’s just one problem, the actual URL for Sussex Police is www.sussex.police.uk. The first URL, and the one the leaflet encouraged citizens to visit, is actually a hardcore gay porn site.’


notice

Saturday, August 9, 2008

 

Apple sued for indentured servitude

‘A lawsuit filed Monday in California seeks class action status alleging that Apple denied technical staffers required overtime pay and meal compensation in violation of state law.

Filed in the US District Court for Southern California, the complaint claims that many Apple employees are routinely subjected to working conditions resembling indentured servitude.

Lead plaintiff David Walsh was employed by Apple as a network engineer from 1995 until 2007. His complaint says he was often required to work more than 40 hours per week, miss meals, and spend his evenings and even entire weekends on call without any overtime pay or meal compensation. He fielded technical support calls that often came after 11 pm.’


tour

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

 

Releasing Balloons For Charity

I assume they’re trying to raise money for retarded aeroplane pilots or something. :)

(2.6meg Flash video)

see it here »


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