`A driver picked up under ground-breaking roadside drug testing in Melbourne last week is demanding an apology after police tests today confirmed his innocence. [..]
Mr De Jong maintained his innocence and said he had last smoked cannabis four weeks before he was tested.
He had his blood sample tested at an independent laboratory, with the results showing no traces of drugs.
Today, Victoria Police told Mr De Jong their own tests had confirmed he was innocent.’
`A man on board a flight from Sydney Airport caused a major international security alert when he text-messaged his wife overseas to tell her his plane had been hijacked by Islamic terrorists. [..]
Mr Casale’s distressed wife alerted Italian police within minutes of receiving the flurry of messages at home in Milan.
Australian Federal Police were then told a group of terrorists had possibly boarded the flight in Sydney and were asked by Italian authorities to carry out background checks on all passengers.
Anti-terror agents in Kuala Lumpur were also tipped off about the possibility of another September 11-style terror attack. [..]’
`You got crap in your mouth.. and semen! Semen and crap at the same time! Why don’t you cruch it down with some rice crispies and milk?’
`A Ludlow man claimed Monday he lost control of his SUV on an icy street and accidentally slid into the ex-husband of his girlfriend. [..]
Jordan’s vehicle jumped the curb in front of his home on Montrose Street, went through the yard and hit Darrell Shelton shortly after 9 a.m. on Saturday, according to court records. Shelton, 44, was pinned against a parked vehicle.’
`A few people have designed boolean logic devices using LEGO pneumatics and gone on to develop fundamental computer devices such as full-adders and flip-flops. [..]
I have now designed working NOT, OR, NOR, AND, and NAND gates. Using two NAND gates I have produced a NAND gate latch or Flip-FLop. The natural follow on from these is clocked logic, full-adders and ultimately a genuine “computer” device.’
`When Anthony Crown texted a methamphetamine offer, he did not know his client was sitting in a Wellington police station having just been arrested for burglary.
Police replied to the text and arranged a drop-off point where Crown was arrested.
A check of his phone log showed three other drug offers made by text messaging and even while in a police cell his phone was receiving messages from potential buyers.’
`Microsoft Corp. warned Asian governments on Thursday they could face patent lawsuits for using the Linux operating system instead of its Windows software. [..]
Linux violates more than 228 patents, according to a recent report from a research group, Microsoft Chief Executive Steve Ballmer said at the company’s Asian Government Leaders Forum in Singapore.’
`Eyewitnesses all over the country are reporting glimpses of something large, dark and mysterious in the skies above big cities and busy highways. The crafts are often described as triangular in shape, silent in their movements, and of unknown origin, and they’ve been seen here in southern Nevada. It looks like these mystery craft might be a secret military project, but if so, why are they flying around in the open?’
`The Queensland Government has ordered an investigation into why a six-year-old boy was suspended from school after being accused of sexual harassment.
The Year 1 student was sent home this week after he poked a female classmate on the bottom.’
`Thai house painter cut off the penises of two teenagers with a knife after he found out they had stolen 50,000 baht (676 pounds) of his savings from an ATM machine, police say.
Manit Srithammathan, 40, told police the teenagers, now in hospital, deserved the punishment as they had betrayed his kindness in letting them stay at his Bangkok suburban house, they said on Saturday.’
`There is a certain pivotal point in every nerd’s life when he realises that any efforts to run with a popular clique are futile, and so instead he settles into a comfortable state of nerdism and all it entails.’
`Eminem was stunned when a huge minder knocked a wall onto him while he was on the toilet.
The rap star was in the bath room backstage at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Rome when his bodyguard squeezed into the cubicle next to him.
But the bouncer was so enormous, he knocked down the partition wall – which collapsed on top of the 32-year-old rapper.’
‘Come and join us in exploring the culinary value of semen! Share recipes, try new things and have fun! We have 279 registered users on the forum and we hope that you will join too! The site is open to everyone and free to use – it only takes a few seconds to register. So go ahead, shake off any inhibitions and join us in the excitement of Cooking With Cum!’
`Hundreds of experts were stunned to open an email from Tony Blair — and find hardcore PORN.
Instead of a message from 10 Downing Street, the top academics and scientists got graphically illustrated invitations to take part in “raw and live” sex.
The emails have now been halted, but many officials still want an apology.’
`Police are secretly taking the DNA of innocent Victorians from genetic material left on coffee cups, cigarettes and clothing, the Herald Sun newspaper reports. [..]
The newspaper claimed that when it asked for details of covert DNA sampling under Freedom of Information laws, Victoria Police said it kept no records of how many samples were taken each year.’
`There’s no indication who owns the upper half of a home left in a ditch about a month ago.’
‘The average Australian woman is a size 16 and weighs 8kg heavier than her American counterpart, according to authoritive new international research.
Australian men are also 3kg heavier than American males, the joint study by the University of Adelaide and US researchers shows.’
`free shipping when you spend $30′
`And how to keep the neighbors from stealing yours.’
`Churchgoing may be good for the soul but it could also be dangerous for the lungs, according to a study in the specialist European Respiratory Journal. [..]
[Researchers] were astonished to find that, after the usual nine hours of candle-burning, church air had between 600-1000 microgrammes of fine particulate matter per cubic metre.
This is 20 times the European Union (EU) limits for average concentrations of indoor air, as measured over 24 hours.’
`Officials at the Chiba branch of East Japan Railway Co. (JR East) said the escalator was equipped with a function whereby three of its steps flatten out to make a surface on which people in wheelchairs can ride.
A worker at JR Yawatajuku Station helped the man onto the escalator while it was stopped, but when the worker started it up again, the flat section turned back into steps, sending the man tumbling to the bottom of the escalator six meters below.’
`The following are actual questions from actual interviews conducted by Microsoft employees on the main campus. Microsoft Consultants are sometimes allowed to have a life, so questions asked of them during interviews don’t really count and aren’t listed.’
‘A mayor who set up a direct hotline for people to call with civic problems is asking bored housewives to stop inviting him round for sex. [..]
He said many come straight out and even invite him round for sex, local daily Libertatea reported. Mayor Anghel said: “The number was meant for complaints but some women took it as a sex hotline.”‘
`Top 10 Reasons Why Sex At The Speed Of Light Is Not An Advisable Form of Procreation [..]
9. Penile black hole formation [..]
7. Relativistic flaming semen’
`Plans for a state dinner for President Bush at Chile’s presidential palace were scratched Sunday after the United States insisted on security measures that Chile called unacceptable. [..]
For the Sunday event, the Secret Service insisted all guests — totaling more than 230 — pass through a metal detector, a top level Chilean Foreign Ministry official told CNN. U.S. officials did not dispute this account.’
I don’t know what he said, but the police don’t seem to like it.
‘TNO has produced the largest digital panoramic photo in the world. So, what do we mean by large? After all, modern consumer cameras can easily take a picture with 5 million pixels. Well, we are talking about a photo of completely different dimensions. One with 2.5 billion pixels – that’s 500 times more pixels. If this photo were printed, it would measure 6.67 m by 2.67 m (300 dpi). The photograph shows Delft and its surroundings in the autumn of 2004. It was taken the top of the Electrical Engineering faculty of Delft University, at a height of about 100 m, by TNO.’
‘A radio talk show host drew criticism Thursday after calling Condoleezza Rice an “Aunt Jemima” and saying she isnï¿½t competent to be secretary of state. [..]
[the host], who is white, also referred to Powell as an “Uncle Tom” — a contemptuous term for a black whose behavior toward whites is regarded as fawning or servile. [..]
He said he was planning a giveaway on Friday’s show of Aunt Jemima pancake mix and syrup. “I will apologize to Aunt Jemima,” he said.’
.. until someone loses an eye.
Not all that safe for work. ðŸ™‚