moonbuggy

Silly.

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`He’s seen machetes, utensils and knives.

“A pitchfork?” asked Officer Robert Vega, police spokesman. “Now I’ve seen it all.”

That was Vega’s reaction to a Wednesday report of a garage sale turned violent, an argument between buyer and seller that allegedly ended with the buyer using a pitchfork to stab the seller in the hand.’

`”Another reason [you should hire me is] your web site is very unfriendly and may sway some clients into not working with you. People use websites of companies such as yours for research and your website thinks that it is witty, but comes off very dull and cheezy.” [Editor’s note: This is the first entry in a new category we call “Insult Your Way to the Top!”]’

and `”… But that’s the past. I’ve given them a year of my life in a minimum security work camp and I’m nearing work release status where I’ll be for the next 15 months or so… I need to connect with open-minded people like myself! My crime was a ‘non-violent, victimless’ one. I’m hoping this letter is reaching people who have or do smoke weed …”‘

`An inmate serving a life term for molesting and killing a 10-year-old girl named Katie somehow got “Katie’s Revenge” tattooed across his forehead, and prison authorities were trying to determine how it happened.

The Indiana Department of Correction placed Anthony Ray Stockelman, 39, in protective custody away from the general inmate population last weekend after authorities discovered the tattoo, said Rich Larsen, a spokesman for the Wabash Valley Correctional Facility.

Stockelman was sentenced to life in prison after pleading guilty to abducting, molesting and killing Katlyn “Katie” Collman. Katie was missing for five days before her body was found January 30, 2005, in a creek about 15 miles from her home in the southern Indiana town of Crothersville.’

‘The host of a Romanian talk show has two guests on that decide at the last minute not to talk. So like any good talk show host he kicks the crap out of both of them.’

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`Harry Potter creator JK Rowling has been voted the author Americans most want to ban from libraries over fears that her books promote witchcraft.

The American Library Association (ALA), who compiled the list for their Banned Book Week, said there were more than 3,000 attempts to remove the books from libraries and schools between 2000 and 2005.

The ALA said some of the main reasons cited for protesters trying to get controversial books removed from circulation were sexually explicit material, having an occult theme or offensive language.’

`A middle school employee on Tuesday pleaded guilty to charges that he used a stun gun on a student.

Shaun Ellis, 25, faces probation to six months in prison after pleading guilty to second-degree assault, prosecutor Kerri Lombardi said.

Ellis, who worked in an after-school program at Horace Mann Middle School, called a boy out class Jan. 11 and took him to the school’s empty auditorium.

The boy said Ellis told him he was in trouble for tripping a girl the night before at an after-school basketball game, shocked him three times and punched him in the stomach, Lombardi said.

The boy described the shocks as “like 1,000 bee stings,” she said.’

‘A wedding singer belts out a tune on the dance floor when out of nowhere a dancing couple bangs into the back of the mic stand causing her to gag.’

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`A pervert who built a ‘super computer’ to store one of Britain’s biggest child porn collections featuring children as young as three being raped by adults, has been jailed for 15 months. [..]

The gay ex-sailor was eventually caught after Italian police, investigating a child porn website, passed his name to British officials.

It took them so long to categorise Ford’s “enormous” archive they had no choice but to call a halt after working non-stop for six weeks.

London’s Middlesex Guildhall Crown Court heard that even then they had only managed to examine just over a third of the material.’

`The bill rejects the right to a speedy trial and limits the traditional right to self-representation by requiring that defendants accept military defense attorneys. Panels of military officers need not reach unanimous agreement to win convictions, except in death penalty cases, and appeals must go through a second military panel before reaching a federal civilian court. [..]

At the same time, the bill immunizes U.S. officials from prosecution for cruel, inhumane or degrading treatment of detainees who the military and the CIA captured before the end of last year. It gives the president a dominant but not exclusive role in setting the rules for future interrogations of terrorism suspects.’

`A hardline Muslim teacher who caused a furore by denouncing pupils for celebrating Christmas has been made a Government schools inspector.

Israr Khan’s Ofsted appointment was described by a former colleague as ‘absolutely astonishing’.

Mr Khan, now headmaster of an Islamic school, launched into his tirade during a concert rehearsal at Washwood Heath Secondary School in Birmingham in 1996 after the choir including around 40 Muslim youngsters, had sung a number of popular Christmas songs, including carols.

He leapt from his seat, yelling: “Who is your God? Why are you saying Jesus and Jesus Christ? God is not your God – it is Allah.”

As children in the audience began booing and clapping, a number of choir members – both white and Asian – walked out, some in tears.’

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`A secret sexual relationship with his daughter was not enough.

There had to be a wedding.

And it had to be a grand celebration befitting a Fisher Island, Florida, multimillionaire who controls billions from Wall Street to Bermuda, from London to Dubai.

So on a sunny June day two years ago, father and daughter exchanged rings at Westminster Abbey.’

`Boucher, who is nearing the end of a five-year sentence for aggravated assault, struck the cow with a broomstick when the stubborn animal resisted efforts to be restrained in a stall for milking.

“I just hit it once in the butt,” he told court, adding it was a hot day and the cows were getting out of control and aggressive.

“I didn’t think there’d be any repercussions that would be this serious.”

The cow suffered a small laceration to its udder along with swelling and traces of blood in its milk but eventually made a full recovery.’

also Spike Trick Part 2 and When Everything Goes Wrong!

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`The suspect, Thomas Fatty, was milling around the 7-11 at 11 East 1700 South. Employees say they saw Fatty shoplifting the burritos and confronted him. Fatty threatened the employees, saying he had a weapon.

Police say Fatty then threw enough money on the counter for one burrito and took off. [..]

Lt. Dave Cracroft, Salt Lake City Police Dept.: “It’s strange that he would decide he needed to have the last bite of his burrito before he complied, when he had two officers pointing pistols at him.”

Fatty was booked into the Salt Lake County jail on suspicion of aggravated robbery.’

‘The late Kenneth Hagin and not-late Kenneth Copeland are seen here during a pastor’s conference in which the crowd was worked up into quite a state. “Holy Laughter”, “Spiritual Drinkenness”, dancing, thrashing about, falling out, speaking in tongues, mooing (yes, you read that right) and various and sundry other so-called pentecostal manifestions.

It becomes evident that in a room full of preachers and their wives, especially of the crazy holy-roller persuasion, no one wants to be seen as being left out or not being spiritual. So…. these kinds of mass-mind outbursts tend to snowball.’

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‘This is a great compilation of about half a dozen funny bloopers from British TV.’

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`When Pfc. Steven Price of Utah volunteered to join the Army in January, he couldn’t do it alone. Because he’s 17, recruiters needed his parents to give their written permission.

Now, an Army spokesman says a Utah-based recruiter has admitted forging the signatures of Price’s parents to enlist him.

Price reported for duty at Fort Stewart in southeast Georgia in June after he completed basic training. He credits the Army with restoring his pride after a troubled adolescence but said that doesn’t justify his recruiters’ actions.

”There was harm and foul play on their part,” the Ogden teen said. ”It was very deceiving what they did.”’

`Ecstasy turned to agony for a South Korean lottery winner when he presented a winning ticket only to be told he could not claim the prize of one million dollars because of a printing mistake, officials said Tuesday.

The Prime Minister’s Commission on Lottery has called off the sale of Speetto-2000 instant scratch-and-win tickets after printing errors resulted in the circulation of more than 10 first-prize tickets instead of the regular four, a spokesperson for the Office for Government Policy Coordination said.’

`Congress is on the verge of barring the construction of permanent bases for U.S. forces in Iraq, a move aimed at quelling concerns in the Arab world that American forces will remain in the war-torn country indefinitely. [..]

Pentagon and State Department officials have insisted that the U.S. military is not building permanent American bases in Iraq and that all facilities under construction will be handed over to the Iraqi government.

But the massive American bases in Iraq have long fueled speculation that the United States plans to maintain a military presence there, as it does in other parts of the Arab world.’

`A veteran Frisco art teacher says school administrators have retaliated against her because a student reportedly saw a nude sculpture during a field trip to the Dallas Museum of Art.

District officials say they are supporting a principal who reprimanded Sydney McGee over the field trip and other performance issues. [..]

In a memo to Ms. McGee, Ms. Lawson wrote that students were exposed to nude statues and other nude art representations during the trip. Ms. Lawson said she received complaints from parents and other teachers about the trip.’

‘Fred Hickey is used to going against the crowd.

Everyone scoffed in 1999 when the veteran Nashua, N.H., stock market guru, who publishes the influential High-Tech Strategist investment newsletter, warned that the tech bubble was going to pop.

And they dismissed him as a wild alarmist early last year when he said house prices were going to slump.

What’s his view now?

“I think we’re going to have a crash, across the stock market,” he told me Friday. [..]

Think: 1929, 1987 and 1999.’

`Hillsborough County vice officers spent $6,400 for more than 90 lap dances, drinks and tips in an investigation into nudity and liquor law violations at an adult bikini bar that spanned more than two years, county records show.

“Sometimes that’s what it takes to get rid of the problems – a lot of attention,” Sheriff David Gee said of the investigation into Lil Tootsie’s nightclub.’

`The German government accused a Berlin opera house of “self-censorship” on Tuesday for cancelling performances of a Mozart opera because it was concerned about attacks by Islamists.

The Deutsche Oper, one of Berlin’s three opera houses, was due to show a controversial production of Mozart’s “Idomeneo” by director Hans Neuenfels in which the severed heads of the Prophet Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha are placed on four chairs.’

`A northern Kentucky man wearing only a thong and carrying a knife allegedly videotaped himself attempting a burglary, then left the tape behind, police said. [..]

McMillen allegedly broke into a woman’s apartment about 3 a.m. EDT on Sept. 20, clad in only thong underwear and carrying a knife, Hensley said. The woman fended off the attacker, who left the apartment and fled into a stand of trees near the apartment complex, Hensley said.

Investigating officers found a video camera the burglar left in the apartment, Hensley said, and found video of McMillen’s family on the end of the tape, Hensley said.’

`A sonar probe of the bed of the English Channel has produced evidence that Britain may have become an island is less than 24 hours, the Daily Telegraph reports.

The survey, led by Imperial College London’s Sanjeev Gupta, revealed the “remains of a huge valley, running south-west from the Strait of Dover” plus “deep bowls, scour marks and piles of rubble on the sea bed that may have been caused by a torrent of water”. [..]

“This suggests the valley was created by a catastrophic flood following the breaching of the Dover Strait and the sudden release of water from a giant lake to the north.”‘

`Security forces took over a Guatemalan prison controlled for more than 10 years by inmates who produced drugs, lived in spacious homes with luxury goods and even rented space for stores and restaurants.

Seven prisoners died when 3,000 police and soldiers firing automatic weapons stormed the Pavon prison just after dawn Monday. Inmates, some carrying grenades, fired back. [..]

Prisoners had set up laboratories to produce cocaine, crack and liquor inside Pavon, on the edge of the town of Fraijanes.’

`See Jane.
See Dick.
See Spot.
See Fluffy.
See Dick’s friend Sath.’

`A western Iowa woman is recovering from the shock of finding a drowned bat in her tea mug – after she sipped from the cup all day. The brown bat, about the size of two tea bags, was found a few weeks ago by a 60-year-old Woodbury County woman, said Chuck Cipperley, an environmental director for the Siouxland health office in Sioux City. [..]

Mike Pentella, program manager at University Hygienic Laboratory, said the bat was a first for the lab.

“We test many, many bats,” he said, “but none that have drowned in a cup of tea before.”‘