‘A Moscow man who ill-advisedly decided to sit watching telly in the nude in the flat he shared with his ex-missus earned himself a wedding-tackle-torching for his trouble, the Evening Standard reports.
The unnamed man’s former wife evidently took exception to his vodka-swilling TV viewing, and duly set fire to his penis. A police spokeswoman admitted it was “difficult to predict” if the human candle would make a full recovery from the ordeal which he described as “monstrously painful”.
He added: “I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”
In case you’re wondering, the couple divorced three years back, but continued to cohabit, an arrangement “common in Russia where property costs are very high”.’