‘Ok, this is going to sound odd, but the Starbucks near my house has like NO parking in the morning.
So, what I’m looking for is a girl who wants to crash out with me the night before, and then in the morning, ride in my car with me past the Starbucks, so I can have someone run in without me having to find parking.
I’ll pay for the Starbucks and up to one (1) baked item. No venti’s. You can leave a tip if the barista (or baristo) is worthy of one, but make sure to bring me the receipt.
I understand that we are human beings with needs, so if we should happen to let our bodies get the better of ourselves for hours and hours the night before, then there isn’t really much I can do about that, but seriously – this is about coffee – not wildly passionate, kinky, orgasm sessions, ok? OR if you could give me a good blow job while I play video games, that would be even better. [..]’