moonbuggy

‘Even Popeye is affected by the recent outbreak of Ecoli in spinach.’

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Y’all know ya want a piece of my chicken..

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`A woman pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in connection with a bizarre incident in February that resulted in a fake penis being microwaved at a convenience store.

Leslye Creighton, 41, of Wilkinsburg, entered the plea Wednesday, and authorities dropped the same charge against Vincent Bostic, 31, of Pittsburgh, who has agreed to help pay $425 to replace the store’s microwave, police and the couple’s defense attorney said.’

followup to Severed penis found in convenience store microwave.

`Me (to Krissy): So, would you mind if I tape bacon to the cat?

Krissy: That’s a fairly interesting question. What’s the purpose here?

Me: I put taping bacon to the cat on a list of things I said I was going to do today and people seemed to be skeptical.’

‘This is a great prank done in the middle of a mall. People are asked to participate in a taste test and then quietly remove the table leaving them alone in the mall blindfolded.’

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`Jim Nelson, 49, a homeless man who had been living in a tent in the forest outside Whistler since 2002, admitted to doing all that but argued in North Vancouver Provincial Court that he was forced to commit the crime in order to save himself from dying of cold and hunger.

His defence of necessity was an argument rarely heard in Canadian courts.

Provincial Court Judge Douglas Moss finally acquitted him, although he found Nelson’s tale of how he came to be there — as the result of a quest to reach spiritual perfection through fasting — “bizarre, to say the least.”‘

`Chicago police had a wild afternoon Monday as they found themselves in a standoff with a spider monkey that had attacked a teenage girl.

The 14-year-old victim was in pretty bad shape, according to CBS affiliate WBBM-TV. Chicago police she was bitten to the bone, but what caused the animal to attack is unclear. [..]

“Monkeys are very smart animals. If you mess with them, they will mess with you,” Sgt. Ramos said.’

`Don’t even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you…

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

…is that the primary ingredient is something called “olean” which I have since learned is Latin for “Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease.”‘

`Eighteen Indonesian prisoners broke out of jail using an unusual weapon – the chilli pepper.

Prisoners at Pematang Siantar jail in Sumatra mixed hot chillies with water in plastic bottles to spray at guards.

The fiery liquid temporarily blinded the guards, allowing prisoners to grab their keys and make the break for freedom.’

`A husband and wife in Mozambique face multiple charges after confessing to exhuming corpses to eat the flesh and powdered bones, say police.

They were arrested in the western village of Vanduzi last weekend in possession of human organs.

In a confession, the couple said that eating human flesh strengthened their power to heal people, police say.’

`As a chocolatier to the rich and famous, Martucci Angiano has posed with many celebrities – but on Thursday she held in her hand a figure that dazzles her more than any Hollywood star.

Workers at Angiano’s gourmet chocolate company, Bodega Chocolates, discovered under a vat a 2-inch-tall column of chocolate drippings that they believe bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary.

Since the discovery Monday, Angiano’s employees have spent much of their time hovering over the tiny figure, praying and placing rose petals and candles around it.’

`Police have been looking for a disgruntled McDonald’s customer who ran into two other customers with her car after a dispute over who was next in line.

Melinda Ann Thomas, 34, and Linda Ann Thomas, 51, were standing in a crowded line around 8:30 a.m. Saturday as they waited to order breakfast, police said. A cashier opened a new line and they stepped to the front of it – a move that angered another customer who was waiting to order.

According to the report, the unidentified woman started yelling at them and threatened to kill them.’

`A group of 10 to 15 masked individuals entered Taco Bell, 3244 S. Western Ave., around 10:46 p.m. Tuesday to return a three-year stash of fire sauce packets, police say.

The group returned six 40-gallon trash bags filled with approximately, 25,000 sauce packets to the restaurant.

With the stash was a note stating that they had been accumulating the sauces over three years and kept them stored in the trunk of a vehicle, but felt guilty about keeping them and decided to return them to the restaurant.’

`India’s highest court yesterday demanded that Coca-Cola should reveal its secret formula for the first time in 120 years.

The Supreme Court ordered the US soft drinks maker, along with its rival PepsiCo, to supply details of the chemical composition and ingredients of their products after a study released this week claimed that they contained unacceptable levels of insecticides. [..]

Coca-Cola’s original recipe, according to company policy, is kept in a bank vault in Atlanta where only two executives — banned from travelling on the same aircraft — know it.’

`A student who threw a cake at Finance Minister Kristin Halvorsen last October has been charged with committing a crime against the Norwegian Constitution.

The cake attack occurred outside of the Finance Ministry on Halvorsen’s first day in office, and the new minister was hit squarely in the back of the head.

Afterwards the student came forward in newspaper VG and said he had thrown the pastry in order to stimulate debate about whether Norway was well served by having a minister of finance from the Socialist Left Party.

The question of what the 24-year-old student would be charged with has been left up to the Director of Public Prosecutions, and the final decision carries a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison.’

`What do you get a 288-pound man for his birthday? How about 288 pounds of jelly beans? His family didn’t plan it that way, but when Mike Lively became the 1 millionth person to tour the Jelly Belly Center on his birthday Wednesday, he won his weight’s worth of the sweet treats.

The 41-year-old Indiana man, who claims he weighs only 278 pounds, said he wasn’t planning on sharing his windfall.’

`Recent reports of problem foods in Mainland China have raised global concerns about the safety of Chinese food products. Drawing on reliable data extracted from Chinese newspapers, magazines and the Internet, this report, the second in the series, takes a closer look at the hair-made soy sauce, a common kitchen-accessory for marinating and seasoning foods. It seeks to inform the scientific and medical communities regarding the potential short- and long-term epidemic consequences of consuming such soy sauce.’

`A Czech man drove a armoured personnel carrier through a historic town centre to buy his kids an ice cream.

Miroslav Tucek, 34, now faces a £300 fine after driving the 12-tonne military vehicle through Hradec Kralove.

He told police it was too far to walk from his home and he had promised his kids an ice cream.’

`Authorities aren’t happy about yellow, smiley face gumballs.

The federal Drug Enforcement Agency is warning about so-called “Greenades,” which are marijuana-containing gumballs.

[..] The gumballs came wrapped in colorful tin foil labeled as “Greenades” with a marijuana leaf on the wrapper and detailed instructions for use. Instructions on the foil told users to chew for 30 minutes to 1 hour “before you would like receive your high” and to “chew for as long as possible, then swallow.” [..]

Each gumball contained approximately one gram of marijuana, and the total net mass of the two gumballs was 17.5 grams.’

‘This dude is nuts and probably lucky not to be blind. He takes a shot of a Habanero extract hot sauce into his eye for 8 bucks and a burger.’

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`If someone looks like he could use a meal, be warned: Giving him a sandwich in a Las Vegas park could land you in jail.

The Las Vegas City Council passed an ordinance Wednesday that bans providing food or meals to the indigent for free or a nominal fee in parks.

The measure is an attempt to stop so-called “mobile soup kitchens” from operating in parks, where residents say they attract the homeless and render the city facilities unusable by families.’

`A 46-year-old man is accused of assaulting his wife with a carrot, causing her to lose sight in one eye. Roderick Vecsey is charged with second-degree assault and disorderly conduct.

Pamela Vecsey, 46, underwent six hours of surgery after being hit in the left eye with the vegetable Saturday night, but doctors were not able to restore her vision, prosecutor Stephanie Damiani said.’

`A customer at a city grocery tackled an armed robber and beat him with a can of applesauce when he refused to drop his gun, police said.

The suspect shot himself in the head during the struggle, and passed out after the 66-year-old customer administered four blows to the head with the Mott’s applesauce.’

`Success, which spoils things, has most surely changed the time-honored menu of the great Testicle Festival.

“It’s not the same anymore,” moped Bob Zeier, a 75-year-old retired cattle rancher, sitting in the Ryegate Bar and Cafe and dragging on a Camel filter. “Not the same at all. A bull testicle is just not the same as a calf testicle.” [..]

“A fresh calf testicle tastes like lobster,” said Zeier. “You never had anything like it.” [..]

“Bull nuts taste like shoe leather,” said Zeier. “You can have ’em.”’

`A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word “Allah” inscribed on its shell, state media reported on Thursday.

“Our mosque confirmed that it says ‘Allah’ in Arabic,” Bites Amantayeva, a farmer from the village of Stepnoi in eastern Kazakhstan, told state news agency Kazinform.

“We’ll keep this egg and we don’t think it’ll go bad.”‘

`Wiggle jiggle, yellow middle.. That’s the best of what you are..’