‘This gum has no flavor. It is as pointless as life itself. As unsatisfying as your empty shell of an existence. Like everything else on this wretched planet, it is a dead end. A black hole. A bottomless pit of missed opportunity and shattered dreams.
If you agree with any of the above statements, then Nihilist gum is for you. (If you agree with ALL of the statements, then stop reading this page and seek professional help immediately.)’
‘One of my friends used to work in the parade dancing as different characters. After each parade ends, its basically their job to go and shake the kiddies hands without falling too far behind the group. So one Christmas, this friend was dressed in a gingerbread man outfit with this creepy looking face for a Christmas themed parade. When it was time to go around and shake the kiddies hands, this one kid just held on and wouldn’t let go of his massive ginger hand. And now his pack is leaving him behind as they go off to end the parade, so my friend gets level to the kids face and whispers so only the kid can hear, “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.” The kid automatically lets go. He then gets up and merrily danced away from a completely traumatized and crying child.’
‘So… What happens when you mail a letter to someone, but instead of putting a 39 cent stamp from the post office, you just tape on some loose change adding up to 39 cents?’
‘The first NASA sign at launch pad 39A encouraging the next launch of space shuttle Endeavour at Kennedy Space Center was misspelled and noticed by someone looking at the craft.
When the shuttle rolled out from the Vehicle Assembly Building Wednesday, a giant “Go Endeavour” sign was put on a fence in front of the craft.
However, one item was missing from the sign: the “u” in Endeavour.
Someone spotted the mistake and called KSC to fix it, WKMG-TV reported.
NASA scrambled someone out to pad 39A with a new sign that has orbiter Endeavour’s name spelled correctly.’
‘Auto-finance specialist Nizameddine Hassan Chokr lives the life men crave. He works undercover missions for the FBI, belongs to a Middle Eastern family worth at least $6 billion and can fly fighter jets. By his own “cautious” estimation, the Costa Mesa man is well-educated, healthy and adored.
What’s more remarkable about Chokr is, for lack of a better word, his mojo. His presence can turn female strangers relentlessly horny. Bus stops, cheap hotel parking lots and fast-food restaurants are among the places women have demanded sex from him. He’s not even safe from lust in a donut shop.
Chokr acknowledges it’s not always his striking looks and intelligence that mesmerize women. He has a secret weapon, and when he’s wearing his tight 1992 Fashion Avenue suede pants, the opposite sex can’t resist him.
That is Chokr’s version of reality. Police, on the other hand, say the Beirut, Lebanon, native is one of Orange County’s serial public masturbators.’
That friend of mine who films a lot of gigs has made a bit of a mashup. It’s kinda amusing. :)
‘What do you get when you get the Canberra band Tonk, a pub full of people, a video camera, and the most annoying soundtrack known to mankind? Watch and find out…’
Followup to When Gigs Go Homo.
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If you’re drunk enough, your friends face is a suitable substitute for the baseball.
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‘Teacher Dave Barclay flew thousands of miles across the Atlantic to Wales to attend his friend’s wedding, only to discover he was a year early.
Barclay, 34, was told about the wedding earlier in the year and assumed it was to take place in 2007.
It was only when he had flown into Cardiff from Toronto, Canada, and rang the bridegroom seeking details of the venue that he discovered the wedding was in 2008.
“I am a year early — yeah, my mates are loving it, aren’t they,” he told BBC Radio Wales.’
A tip for burglars: do the Google search for “how to open a safe” _before_ you begin your robbery.
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‘Although his biting sarcasm in response to unfriendly questions can make members of the White House press corps grumble under their breath, President Bush got a different reaction from a 13-year-old girl who asked him about immigration during a forum in Ohio.
The Washington Times reports Jessica Hackerd was left in tears after Bush gave her a wry “yeah, thanks” in response to her query, drawing laughter from the crowd of 400 in Brecksville, Ohio Tuesday. Bush immediately began to backpedal when he saw the reaction from Hackerd, who told the Times she was crying because she is very shy and was nervous questioning the president.’
‘In 1969, Neil Armstrong made history by becoming the first man to walk on the moon, uttering the immortal phrase, “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Or did he? Previously suppressed footage discovered by blogjam shows that Armstrong’s reaction was a great deal more uninhibited than history suggests, and that a hasty editing job was needed to prepare the astronaut’s moment of glory for broadcast.
So here, for the first time, is the unedited NASA film from the triumphant Apollo 11 mission.’
(358kB Shockwave)
‘Metallica singer James Hetfield was investigated by UK airport officials who believed he was a terrorist this week, it has been claimed. The star was barred entry to Luton airport on Thursday and questioned by staff who were concerned about his appearance. Fears that Hetfield might be involved in terrorism were apparently founded on his “Taliban-like beard”, according to The Times. He was allowed to leave the airport after a brief interrogation, when he persuaded officials that he was a rock star. [..]’
‘Whats more disgusting and shocking than a dead decaying bird in your favorite morning cereal??’
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‘German police broke into a darkened flat fearing they would find a dead body after neighbours complained of a nasty smell seeping out onto the staircase.
The shutters of the apartment had been closed for more than a week and the post-box was filled with uncollected mail.
But instead of a corpse police found a tenant with badly smelling feet asleep in bed next to a pile of foul-smelling laundry, police in the south-western town of Kaiserslautern said on Sunday.’
‘The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks the Pope who he is.
The Pope : I am the Pope.
St. Peter: Who? There’s no such name in my book.
The Pope : I’m the representative of God on Earth.
St. Peter: Does God have a representative? He didn’t tell me…
The Pope : But I am the leader of the Catholic Church…
St. Peter: The Catholic church… Never heard of it… Wait, I’ll check with the boss. [..]’
‘hi…i want to know is it normal for teenage guys to bend over and try and suck themselves off, cos i trying it out last night and could just about put the tip in…i came in my mouth and am quite worried now cos i considered it quite a turn ON! i’m not gay but just love the fantasy of having my own cock in my mouth..!
what you reckon?
p.s. i have a sore back.’
Or, atleast, trying to cross the yangtze in an overloaded truck. :)
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‘A Chewbacca impersonator sexually assaulted a Marilyn Monroe impersonator in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then evaded arrest, police said.
According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress’s hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists. [..]
Earlier in the year, police arrested an actor in a Chewbacca costume after a tour guide told him to stop harassing a pair of Japanese tourists. Police are unsure if the same wookie is involved in today’s assault.’
Followup to Superman witnesses Wookie attack
‘The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times!’
‘At the beginning of this year, the new guy at work needed a place to live. I ended up letting him sublet one of the rooms in my house. After only a couple of days it became obvious that he is totally insane. The crazy constantly flows from his mouth and is just way too good to not share with the world. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, but other than that – all of the conversations are damn near verbatim.’
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