moonbuggy

‘What the fuck? I can’t see the runway.’

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Just a little bit of over steer. :)

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Some guys from the Footy Show take a ride on the Vomitron and it lives up to its name. :)

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‘Exactly which is Jean Claude Van Damme doing running around the streets of Hollywood stripping of clothing as he goes?’

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Apparently she got tangled in some cord that holds the boats in place before the start of the race.

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Crazy old lady.

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‘You’re paying for that.’

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‘An elephant in eastern India has sparked complaints from motorists who accuse it of blocking traffic and refusing to allow vehicles to pass unless drivers give it food, a newspaper has reported.

The Hindustan Times said Monday the elephant was scouting for food on a highway in the eastern state of Orissa, forcing motorists to roll down their windows and get out of the car.

“The tusker then inserts its trunk inside the vehicle and sniffs for food,” local resident Prabodh Mohanty, who has come across the elephant twice, was quoted as saying.

“If you are carrying vegetables and banana inside your vehicle, then it will gulp them and allow you to go.”

If a commuter does not wind down his window or resists opening the vehicle door, the elephant stands in front of the car until the driver allows him to carry out his routine inspection.’

Can you spot the soldier? :)

‘A Lakewood, Ohio, landlord has been ordered by a judge to house arrest in one of his derelict buildings until he makes the proper repairs.

Lakewood Municipal Judge Patrick Carroll ordered Richard Naumann to live in his Lake Avenue apartment building — which has no heat, hot water, operable stoves or ovens — until proper repairs are made to the two buildings he owns, the Cleveland Plain Dealer reported Tuesday.

Naumann, who will only be allowed to leave the building between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. for work, will also be outfitted with an electronic monitoring device on his ankle to ensure he abides by the judge’s command, the newspaper said.’

‘I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.

My name is Lloyd, I live in Chicago , I’m 27 years old, fairly well educated, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking, but I’ll let you be the judge of that – I’m generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion – but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party – or if we’re lucky – both!’

This TV presenter starts to complain about her production staff on air. They very quickly get their own back.

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‘A man has allegedly taken a tourist bus and its 13 passengers on a joy-ride around inner Sydney.

Police say the 33-year-old Abbotsford man was walking past the casino on Pirrama Road in Pyrmont about 8:50am AEST, when he boarded the bus with the motor running.

They say the man, who was allegedly drunk, drove off when the driver was standing nearby awaiting the arrival of other passengers for a sightseeing tour.

He allegedly drove along several local streets before returning to the point of departure.

Police say he then ran from the vehicle and was chased by the driver and a number of other people. Police on patrol joined the chase.’

People find themselves attracted to studying chemistry for different reasons.

Sometimes, it starts with nitric acid. :)

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This might be a repost, but getting caught wanking in the 70’s is hilarious.

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Not the end of sad desperation, it seems.

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‘A police campaign to crack down on pickpockets has come too late to help the capital’s top crime fighter.

Police Chief Anstein Gjengedal’s wallet was snatched by a pickpocket as the campaign was set to begin, the Oslo newspaper Dagbladet reported Friday.

The police chief was on the Oslo airport train Monday when a group of people jostled him. When he checked a few minutes later, his wallet was gone.

“I didn’t have much money with me,” he was quoted as saying. “But it still wasn’t very nice.”

Gjengedal said he had followed police advice by having the wallet in the inner pocket of his jacket, but the thieves got it anyway.’

‘A mystery emu has been shot dead after a cross-border chase by police in Europe this week.

The Australian native fauna was first spotted in the German town of Grenzach-Wyhlen near the Swiss border.

“We are trying to find out how it got here in the first place,” a German police spokesman said. [..]

The police gave chase in patrol cars for hours but were no match for the agile fugitive, which darted down narrow alleyways and made tight turns.

Vets and staff from local zoos were called in to help, before the German police called upon their Swiss counterparts.

The emu was clocked at speeds up to 50 km/h, with police resorting to roadblocks, while the vets were unsuccessful in their attempts to sedate the bird with tranquiliser darts.’

‘An intoxicated patient filed a complaint with the city after a Denver Health Medical Center doctor issued discharge instructions telling her to not “get drunk and fall, causing harm to your head or body.” [..]

Howe, who had cut the back of her head, was “acutely intoxicated,” according to hospital records, with a breath alcohol level measured at 0.216. The reports show Howe was uncooperative with emergency department personnel and was tied down.

But according to Howe’s complaint, she was not seen by a doctor until 7:50 a.m., more than five hours after she arrived. She was eventually examined by Sooch, but Howe says the doctor did not order X-rays, an MRI or a CT scan of her head, nor was she admitted to the hospital. Sooch treated the cut on her head and in his discharge instructions, prescribed Tylenol, facts verified by medical records. Dr. Sooch, on the hospital discharge sheet, had these instructions for Howe:

“Do not abuse alcohol. Do not get drunk and fall causing harm to your head or body. Apologize to your family, friends and ED (emergency department) faculty for your extremely inappropriate behavior and rudeness while intoxicated. Be a great mother to your kids.”‘

‘Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age–let’s say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent–she doesn’t have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are–three simple demands, which I’m sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.

That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible–in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let’s now take a look at the figures.’

The odds don’t look good. :)

‘The ACT Chief Minister says Sydneysiders need to accept that Canberra will be the nation’s capital for as long as Australia exists.

Former prime minister Paul Keating sparked the debate by suggesting the harbour city should become the nation’s new capital.

Mr Keating says the Federal Government effectively operates from Sydney, with most Cabinet meetings held in the city.

“When Parliament is sitting everyone flies off to the bush capital and they all live in their motel rooms and then they all fly out again on Friday morning,” he said.

ACT Chief Minister Jon Stanhope says Sydneysiders need to accept reality.’

‘when you care enough to hit send’

‘Want a custom sex doll, but don’t have $7,000 to shell out? No problem. You can build one with off-the-shelf parts for a fraction of the cost. Is this the ideal love doll or Bride of Frankenstein? We’ll let you be the judge.’

Seems you start with a mannequin. :)

‘All hail the greatest b-movie of all time. Truly perfect in it’s pure awfulness. The pinnacle of bad movies by which exposure will burn out your retinas and make you curl up in the corner and beg for a swift demise.

“No acting skills required” must have been on the actors wanted sign for this cheesy 80’s karate movie. Olympic medalist Kurt Thomas stars as Jonathon Cabot, who stretches his acting muscle to plays …yes a champion gymnast. He is recruited to represent the United States in a deadly competition inside the borders of the country Parmistan (I like to sprinkle some Parmistan on my spaghetti..it’s delicious.)’

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‘This guy gets a phone call from a debt collector and responds using a Judge Judy sound board.’

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