moonbuggy

‘Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator’

‘Here’s the thing, you have to get a license to drive a car but they let anyone be a parent. And, more pertinent to this conversation, they let anyone, may I repeat, ANYONE name their kid. So, while that might have some VERY unfortunate consequences for a few unlucky kids, it provides serious entertainment for those of us with parents who actually put some thought into naming us. With that in mind, here are 10 of the worst names ever. Seriously, these parents should be locked up… (and what the hell is wrong with Missouri?)’

Mike Huntsucker. :)

‘A nine-year-old German girl was so upset about having to tidy her room she put up a sign in her window urging passers-by to call police for help.

Pedestrians in the central city of Braunschweig saw the girl crying in the window, holding up a sign up saying “Help! Please call the police!” Next to her sat a small boy. Quickly alerted, officers rushed to the scene to discover the girl had argued with her mother about tidying her room and enlisted her two-year-old brother’s aid to attract attention.

“The room looked like a battlefield,” said a spokesman for local police on Monday. “Officers told the girl to tidy her room. When they came back two hours later to check, it was all cleaned up. And the mother and daughter had made up too.”‘

‘In front of hundreds of people this third degree black belt attempts to break a wooden bat. He continues to fail and the bat finally rolls off the box. He stands up and people start clapping but Im pretty sure that doesnt count.’

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‘Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, who recently proposed an educational policy that urged “every financial barrier” be removed for American kids who want to go to college, has been going to college himself — as a high paid speaker, his financial records show.

The candidate charged a whopping $55,000 to speak at to a crowd of 1,787 the taxpayer-funded University of California at Davis on Jan. 9, 2006 last year, Joe Martin, the public relations officer for the campus’ Mondavi Center confirmed Monday. [..]

The earnings — though made before Edwards was a declared Democratic presidential candidate — could hand ammunition to his competition for the Democratic presidential nomination. The candidate — who was then the head of the Center on Poverty, Work and Opportunity at the University of North Carolina — chose to speak on “Poverty, the great moral issue facing America,” as his $55,000 topic at UC Davis.’

‘A misplaced candle is believed to have started a fire that caused about $100,000 damage to a bondage and discipline parlour in inner Melbourne.

Metropolitan Fire Brigade crews were called to The Correction Centre in St David Street, Fitzroy, just after 10.15pm and contained the fire to a room on the second floor of the two-storey building.

An MFB spokesman said 18 firefighters “were tied up for some time but disciplined and controlled firefighting contained the blaze to one room on the second floor”.’

‘A couple of weekends ago, Diana Getson took her nine-year-old son to a Child Find event in Charlottetown. Treat bags were on sale for $1.

In the bag she bought for her son was a bright yellow bracelet with the Child Find logo and an invitation to win great prizes by visiting a website called getrealfruitminis.com.

But the prize turned out to be a surprise when Getson’s son typed in the address. The site offered “hard-core nudity and dirty porn pictures,” Getson said. [..]

Coincidentally, Child Find PEI has an information session coming up soon to warn parents to keep watch over what their children find on the internet.’

‘The award-winning furniture retailer has taken Liberal backbencher Don Randall to task over his claims Mr Howard shouldn’t have to buy the chain’s “dodgy” chairs instead of spending $200,000 on plush seating.

Hitting back at the slur, IKEA says its products are good enough for Sweden’s King and Queen and many diplomatic missions around the world. [..]

Mr Nordin said if the issue was about Mr Howard having to assemble the chairs – one of the ways the company keeps its prices down – there was help at hand.

“We would be very happy to talk to the prime minister,” he said.

“We can even offer him an assembly service if he doesn’t feel confident enough to put together the furniture himself.”‘

Tonight we dine in Cleveland.

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‘A California lawmaker, who favors a penalty for people caught driving while using their cell phone, reportedly caused a car accident this weekend – while she was on her cell phone. [..]

Officials say the vehicle in front of Migden was slowing down for a red light, when the senator slammed into the back of the car – which then ran into another van. [..]

Last year, Migden voted in favor of a new law that will impose a minimum fine of $20 for drivers caught using a cell phone on the road, without the aid of a hands-free device.

Migden will not be fined, however, because the new law doesn’t take effect until July 2008.’

‘A naked American tourist raised eyebrows when he went for a walk through a German city and told police he thought this was acceptable behaviour in Germany.

“We have been having unusually hot weather here lately but, all the same, we can’t have this,” a spokesman for police in the southern city of Nuremberg said today.

“The man said he thought walking around naked was tolerated in Germany.”

Many Germans enjoy nude sunbathing which is allowed in public parks. The 41-year-old was carrying his clothes in a bag when police stopped him yesterday evening after complaints from pedestrians.’

‘Instructs dealership technicians re: understanding and servicing a radical new transmission theory. (Circa ~1990)’

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‘A New Zealand city has unofficially renamed the local garbage dump after John Cleese following the British actor’s remark during a visit last year that he hated the place.

A sign bearing the title “Mt. Cleese” appeared recently at the Awapuni Landfill in Palmerston North after a local satirist suggested it be renamed “John Cleese Memorial Tip,” with the tag line: “All manner of crap happily recycled.”

Cleese, famous for being a member of the Monty Python comedy group, as well as the 1970s TV comedy “Fawlty Towers” and Hollywood hit “A Fish Called Wanda,” drew local ire during a show last year when he called Palmerston North the “suicide capital of New Zealand” and said he hated it.

‘Detectives in Polk County are searching for two teens believed to have stolen a box of condoms.

Investigators say that on the afternoon of Sunday, May 13, an unidentified young man was captured on video surveillance with another unidentified young man stealing a blue box of Trojan brand condoms from the Sears Essential store at 4717 South Florida Avenue in Lakeland.

When confronted by store personnel, the boys fled on foot. [..]

Anyone with information who wants to remain anonymous and be eligible for a CASH REWARD is asked to call HEARTLAND Crime Stoppers at 1-800-226-TIPS.’

These guys now have their faces all over the internet as known condom thieves. :)

‘We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

Like many, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.’

‘That was evidenced by the 409 people who clicked on an ad that offers infection for those with virus-free PCs. The ad, run by a person who identifies himself as security professional Didier Stevens, reads like this:

Drive-By Download
Is your PC virus-free?
Get it infected here!
drive-by-download.info

Stevens, who says he works for Contraste Europe, a branch of the IT consultancy The Contraste Group, has been running his Google Adwords campaign for six months now and has received 409 hits. Stevens has done similar research in the past, such as finding out how easy it is to land on a drive-by download site when doing a Google search.’

It’s not a threat, it’s a fucken promise.

(5.4meg Windows media)

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‘Welcome to our side of the fence. The life of your average Tech Support person is one that is complex, fulfilling, and yet strangely sadomasichistic. Those that have escaped wonder why we ever turn up to work in the morning. Those that are still there know exactly what I’m talking about.

Here, you’ll find largely fictional, fake and phoney stories that just need to be told about the Tech Support business. Sure, it’s not as much of a downer as this intro makes it out to be, but that’s not the point. Sometimes, it’s just entertaining to think that it is this bad.’

He’s a love machine.

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‘When police spotted a gun-wielding suspect lurking in the shadows of a suburban front room, their response was swift.

Armed officers burst into the house, shouted at the owner to lie on the floor, and ordered him to surrender his weapon.

But efficiency turned to embarrassment when the “gunman” turned out to be a life-sized model of the video game character Lara Croft, complete with trademark outsized pistols.’

‘Treasurer Peter Costello’s regular morning jog up the roof of Parliament House is a breach of parliamentary security, a Senate estimates committee has heard.

Mr Costello took up jogging late last year and ends his Canberra outings by running up the grassy slope to the flagpole at the top of Parliament House.

He told reporters that he liked to jog a lap of the parliament and finish by racing to the grassy roof, where he would “clasp my hands together like Rocky Balboa”. [..]

Department of Parliamentary Services head Hilary Penfold told the Senate finance and public administration committee that pedestrians were not supposed to access the roof. [..]

“And if you see him popping over the fence to go up to the top of the hill to clasp his hands together like Rocky Balboa, can I ask that he be arrested,” Senator Faulkner said.’

‘Hundreds of Indian rail passengers got more than they had bargained for when the driver of their train asked them to get out and push.

It took more than half an hour to move the stalled electric train 12 feet so that it touched live overhead wires and was able to resume its journey, officials said on Wednesday.

The incident occurred in the eastern state of Bihar on Tuesday after a passenger pulled the train’s emergency chain and it halted in a “neutral zone,” a short length of track where there is no power in the overhead wires.’

Can you name an animal with three letters in its name? :)

(16.4meg Windows media)

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‘In College Writing 101, a girl in the back of the class said about the situation in Iraq:

“Why should we listen to what the Iraq people have to say? They are the ones who blew up the World Trade Center!” [..]

World History class, talking about the French Revolution, completely out of the blue:

“Had people invented how to swim by this time?” [..]

Some chick behind me announced “HEY TURN OFF THE BUNSEN BURNER YOU ARE WASTING ELECTRICITY”. Thankfully my chemistry teacher heard this and booted her from the class. We overheard him outside having a shouting match with the department head asking why he had to teach the mentally disabled.’

Followup to Dumb Things Heard In Class.

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‘Runners in Ohio’s Rite Aid Cleveland 10K race on Sunday found themselves running several extra miles after mistakenly being diverted by race officials.

A police officer along the route reportedly redirected the car leading the runners and that wrong turn added nearly three miles to the 6.1-mile event, the Cleveland Plain Dealer said.

Adding to the racers’ woes were some misplaced traffic cones along the route and a major bottleneck created by several walking marathon participants.

After the chaotic race was finally completed, race officials were at a loss to determine how well each participant did.’

This is a followup to Roommate Revenge: Buttered Floor Video. Also, there’s a video of the roommate’s re-revenge. :)

(4.4 and 2.4meg Windows media)

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‘A bumbling intruder broke into an empty New Zealand police station and accidentally locked himself in a cell, but managed to smash his way out again just before authorities arrived.

Sgt. Graham McGurk on Monday said the person broke into the deserted police station in the town of Matamata on North Island on Saturday night through the front office.

The intruder went to the cell bloc, and was accidentally locked in when a self-closing door clicked shut.

As police rushed to respond to an intruder alarm at the post, the intruder used a wooden chair that was inside the cell to smash through a window – supposedly outfitted with shatter-proof glass – to freedom.’