moonbuggy

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‘A city police officer who recently received an award from Mothers Against Drunk Driving has been charged with drunken driving, authorities said.

Specialist Charles Beebe’s SUV was pulled over Wednesday in Aurora, Ind., after a motorist reported that he had forced two vehicles off the road, the arresting officer’s report said. Beebe failed a field sobriety test and agreed to a chemical test.

His blood-alcohol content was 0.08 percent, the point at which a motorist is considered legally drunk in Indiana, according to the arrest report. [..]

The 32-year member of the Cincinnati Police Department received a Top Cop award this year from MADD’s Southwestern Ohio chapter.’

’03/29/2005 at 03:25:55

I go into 2 player mode in fighting games on my gamecube and put one controller down my pants and beat the shit out of the other guy with the other controller to make the one down my pants vibrate. I always end up cumming all over the thing and I have to clean it. It’s a hassle but it’s worth it…’

‘Rose, the goat that found international celebrity last year after being forced into marriage with a Sudanese man, has died after accidentally swallowing a plastic bag.

The town of Juba in southern Sudan, if not in mourning, at least has the satisfaction of having had the world in stitches as the source of one of the internet’s best-read news items. [..]

Tragedy struck last month when Rose swallowed a plastic bag as she scavenged for food scraps on the streets of Juba.

She left a male kid – goat, not human – and a grieving widower. It is not known whether she was cremated or turned into curry.’

Followup to Sudan man forced to ‘marry’ goat.

Seems logical to me.

Was he aiming for the head?

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‘Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

The law of gravity says it’s not fair jumping up without coming back down.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe.

The wind is like the air, only pushier.’

‘This is a bold statement, but I think we can go so far as to say that this is the silliest, and doubtless the most tasteless piece of desk paraphernalia that we have encountered here at IWOOT. Two attributes of course that make showing it to you an absolute necessity. Introducing the Cat’s Arse Sharpener. Sigh. There are no words that readily spring to mind to soften the blow. It’s a cat, you stick your pencil in its derrière, it meows, and it sharpens your pencil. Your feline friend stands in his own litter tray that catches your pencil shavings. Of course not many people use pencils much these days, but this is perhaps the best reason there has ever been for going out and buying one right now.’

‘Federal Labor MP Kelly Hoare allegedly sexually harassed a Government car driver taking her home, The Sunday Telegraph can reveal.

The driver lodged an official complaint with the Department of Finance and Administration, which led to Ms Hoare being counselled by ALP officials.

The incident happened one night in Sydney last month. According to informed sources, Ms Hoare, 43, allegedly asked the driver: “Why don’t you come inside and fuck me.”

The driver, who works for the Government’s Comcar service, refused her invitation.’

‘Celebrity heiress Paris Hilton has been jailed for 45 days after being found guilty of violating her probation for a drink-driving conviction.

A Los Angeles judge ruled she must start her sentence on 5 June and has no prospect of an early release.

Ms Hilton told the judge she was very sorry and that she would “pay complete attention to everything” from now on.

The socialite said she did not know her licence had been suspended when caught driving without headlights in February.’

Followup to Paris Hilton May Have Probation Revoked.

‘A gang stripped a South African man before supergluing him to an exercise bicycle while they ransacked his house, according to a report Thursday.

SAPA news agency said the attackers, dressed in suits, hijacked a man in his 50s and forced him at gunpoint to take them to his home in Johannesburg.

“The victim was then forced to strip, after which he was superglued to the seat of an exercise bicycle, his hands were superglued, as were his feet and then his mouth was superglued shut,” SAPA quoted Mark Stokoe, a spokesman for emergency services Netcare 911, as saying.’

‘A new study by Indiana University media researchers finds that Fox News host Bill O’Reilly calls “a person or a group a derogatory name once every 6.8 seconds, on average, or nearly nine times every minute during the editorials that open his program each night.”

The study documented six months worth, or 115 episodes, of O’Reilly’s “Talking Points Memo” editorials “using propaganda analysis techniques made popular after World War I.” Researchers found that O’Reilly “was prone to inject fear into his commentaries and quick to resort to name-calling. He also frequently assigned roles or attributes — such as ‘villians’ or downright ‘evil’ — to people and groups.’

Yippee kai aye, motherfuckers.

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Children don’t like to fly as much as they think they do. :)

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‘A Utah County Republican delegate may not be catching hell for calling illegal immigration a satanic plot, but he isn’t gaining any converts, either.

Utah County GOP Chairwoman Marian Monnahan says District 65 Chairman Don Larsen’s resolution – asserting that illegal immigration is the devil’s plan to destroy the nation by “stealth invasion” – “in no way” is endorsed by the Republican Party.

“It’s just free speech,” Monnahan said Thursday. “It’s Don’s right to do that.”

Provo Mayor Lewis Billings, a prominent Utah County Republican, says he understands Larsen’s frustration with the federal government’s slow response to immigration issues, but he doubts “there will be a lot of support for the resolution in its current form.” [..]

Members of Utah’s Latino community searched for diplomatic words to respond to the measure.

“It sounds like someone who is way out in left field, living in some fantasy world,” [..]’

‘Underworld figure turned author Mark “Chopper” Read appeared in a Melbourne court today where he was fined $300 for careless driving. [..]

His lawyer Bernie Balmer told the court his client – who appeared to be sleeping at times in court – admitted bumping the other car while trying to get into a tight carpark.

However, he disputed the claim that the collision caused $1,500 damage to the other car, saying when Read inspected the cars he could not see any damage to either vehicle.

In a lighter moment, after the court was told Read had no relevant priors, Mr Balmer joked it was a “wonderful day” when you could say in court no priors for Mr Read.’

Ouch. Don’t fuck with a ninja.

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‘An 82-year-old man wielding a bag of shopping has driven an armed robber from a village post office.

George Smith hit the man twice with a bag containing an iceberg lettuce and bottles of bleach and washing liquid.

The masked raider, who had a shotgun, fled from the shop in Speldhurst, near Tunbridge Wells, Kent, leaving the takings untouched. [..]

Mr Smith himself said his actions were “entirely automatic”.

“The best method of defence is attack – so I did. I whacked him in the face and then I clobbered him again.

“He ran off down to the corner still with the gun pointing my way.

“I took a couple of paces towards him and told him to clear off. And he did.”‘

‘Several classrooms at Des Moines Area Community College were evacuated after college officials became nervous about a suspicious package.

College officials called police and postal inspectors after the box was delivered Thursday. What they found inside wasn’t a bomb it was a box containing 500 condoms.

The package was sent to a teacher of a human sexuality class, and was sent by a person who had been a previous speaker at the class, said Rob Denson, the college’s president.’

‘Watch this brilliant broadcaster as the teleprompter breaks and he seamlessly and eloquently continues right along as if nothing happened at all.’

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A “bomb bag” is apparently one of those little firecracker things that you throw on the ground and have explode. As far as I can tell anyways.

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‘The founder of the ambitious “$100 laptop” project, which plans to give inexpensive computers to schoolchildren in developing countries, revealed Thursday that the machine for now costs $175, and it will be able to run Windows in addition to its homegrown, open-source interface.

Nicholas Negroponte, the former director of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Media Lab who now heads the nonprofit One Laptop Per Child project, updated analysts and journalists on where the effort stands, saying “we are perhaps at the most critical stage of OLPC’s life.”‘

.. not what you might expect. :)

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‘An Indian court ordered the arrest of Hollywood star Richard Gere on Thursday for kissing Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS campaign event this month saying it was an obscene act committed in public.

Gere’s repeated kisses on Shetty’s cheeks at an event to promote AIDS awareness in New Delhi sparked protests in some parts of India, mostly by Hindu vigilante groups, who saw it as an outrage against her modesty and an affront to Indian culture.

The order by a court in the northern city of Jaipur came in response to a complaint by a local lawyer.’

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