moonbuggy

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‘Own a piece of Ted Haggard history from Mike Jones.

The table where it all happened.

Table is about 10 years old with a few tears but totaly usable.

Will autograph table if requested and in June an autographed book “I Had To Say Something” by Mike Jones will be sent.

All proceeds benefit ‘Project Angel Heart’, who provides people living with HIV/AIDS, cancer and other life-threatening illnesses nutritious home-delivered meals.’

more at the wiki.

Australian’s are fucken funny. :)

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‘An accused child molester in Wisconsin cut off his electronic monitoring bracelet, then took a limousine to Chicago to appear on “The Jerry Springer Show,” authorities said. [..]

“A significant bond is legally necessary given the fact he absconded, admittedly for one of the more unique reasons I’ve heard in my time on the bench,” the judge said.

According to court records, Sims had been out of jail about three weeks when he cut off the bracelet and missed a court date September 6. His defense attorney at the time, Domingo Cruz, told the judge his client was seen getting into the television show’s limousine.’

‘9 out of 10 doctors say the 10th doctor should mellow out.

Adam met Eve and turned over a new leaf.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Any twelve people who can’t get themselves out of jury duty are not my peers.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect “Hungry”.

Every 10 seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Here at First National, you’re not just a number – you’re two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number.

If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.’

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‘A countryside home in Germany is half of what it used to be – really.

The 43-year-old homeowner, who is currently going through an unpleasant divorce, apparently decided to split the couple’s possessions right down the middle. So he cut their summer house in half with a chainsaw.

After finishing the job, he loaded his half onto a forklift and drove it to his brother’s house, which is where he is now staying.’

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‘This is a great prank to pull at the beach, cover yourself in sand and wait for a seagull to come by…’

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‘Officials at the Grossmont Union High School District have sent letters home to parents, notifying them that a number of students have been caught on campus with medical marijuana cards.

District official Catherine Martin said they are concerned over the growing trend and the “apparent ease” with which teens are able to obtain the cards.

In the letters, parents, students and faculty are reminded that even if the cards are valid, it is against the law to have marijuana on school property.

Recently two East County teenagers were suspended for showing up at school high, with a medical marijuana card as their excuse, NBC 7/39 reported.’

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‘First you get yourself a quality motor and some burgers. Then you throw the burgers at some muppets head from the roof of the car.’

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Camels can run pretty fast. :)

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‘An 18-year-old man has been detained for repeatedly defecating in front of a cash machine in a bank vestibule in the southern German town of Eggmuehl.

A police spokesman said the man, who left his deposit at the bank eight times, was caught only after the bank installed video monitors to film him in action.’

‘Ok I have this fantasy. I need someone who is adventurous and open. First I want you to come over to my place and make me a clown. I want you to paint my face up and dress me as a clown. Then I want you to wear a top hat and make me perform a circus routine. After the circus performance, make me your clown women and do what ever you want to me. I may fight back a little but I want to be forced upon by a strapping big top showman.’

‘This year’s Super Bowl telecast generated about 150 complaints to the Federal Communications Commission, with the bulk of the beefs centering on Prince’s halftime performance and a Snickers commercial. As seen in the letters on the following pages, many correspondents were upset because they believed that the rock star was manipulating his guitar as if it were a penis. As one viewer noted in an e-mail, the “pro-homosexual theme” of this year’s event, telecast on CBS, was “disgraceful.” The writer added that “just because 6% of the population is gay,” porn did not need to be included in the broadcast. Another purportedly offended viewer was concerned that the halftime show would have an unfortunate lasting effect on his son, who “hoped to be a quarterback and now he will turn out gay…Thanks CBS for turning my son GAY.” [..]’

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‘A 68-year-old grandmother convicted of growing cannabis at her Northumberland home has been given a 250 hour community service order.

Patricia Tabram, from Humshaugh, had denied charges of possessing and cultivating the drug when she appeared at Carlisle Crown Court.

She was arrested in 2005 when plants and growing equipment were seized. [..]

After the hearing she said: “I’m going to go on medicating.

“The police can come to my house every week. I’ll give them a cup of tea.

“I’ll give them a decent biscuit, which of course will be medicated and I’ll give them some cannabis so they charge me again and again and again.”‘

This makes me laugh. :) Hooray for parrots.

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’10> As he was led to die in an arcane alien ritual, Tank McPhoton tried one last time to apologize. How was he to know that what he took to be an extended hand of friendship which he gripped firmly and shook vigorously was actually the Supreme Ruler’s private parts? [..]

7> I lived on the land, she lived in the water. It gave shore leave a whole new meaning. Or the same old meaning, except with bigger crabs. [..]

6> As one, the Spacemarines stood up, raised their spacerifles in salute, then marched out the spacedoors to the spacedock, where their spaceship was waiting to boldly take them where they’d all been before: Space!

5> You could tell it was a real UFO because there weren’t any wires holding it up and it smelled like outer space. [..]’

That’s pretty sneaky. :)

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‘A man accused of robbing a Belfast lingerie shop at knifepoint has fallen back on a time honoured defence – namely, his claim that he believed he was a female elf at the time.

Belfast Crown Court was told by the prosecution that 45-year-old Robert Boyd from Broadlands, Carrickfergus had held up the shop, Orchid, while disguised in a wig, hat and sunglasses. He allegedly made off with bras, knickers, stockings and suspender belts.

However, Boyd’s defence maintain that at the time, Boyd believed that he was a elf, having been playing the cyberpunk role-playing game Shadowrun.

More specifically, he believed that he was a female shaman (meaning a natural magic user) elf named Beho, and that he thought he was armed with a samurai sword. Boyd admits that he may have ‘blurred reality and fantasy’.’

‘Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.

If you’ve become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that. [..]

Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead. [..]

If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that. [..]

Your telephone may be a practicing physician. Look for a phone with no numbers on it.’

‘A Toowoomba jockey has been caught using a sex aid in an attempt to deceive stewards in a drug test.

Jason Warrington was one of 19 track riders and jockeys who were nabbed in a drug raid at Clifford Park racecourse, Toowoomba, on Tuesday.

Warrington had left the track when he was asked by Queensland Racing stewards to return to provide a urine sample for precautionary drug testing.

Acting chief steward John Hackett became suspicious of Warrington’s actions while the jockey attempted to provide a urine sample.

Hackett caught the jockey squeezing urine from a dildo concealed inside his pants.’

‘A few days ago there was a story making the rounds on the news wires about Krispy Kreme introducing a new donut that would be made of whole wheat and low on calories.

NBC affiliate WAGT in Augusta picked up on this hard-hitting story, however it looks like they don’t exactly have an eagle-eyed production staff in the newsroom when you look at the on-screen graphic they used in their report.’

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Some TV presenter asks a bit of a strange question of a guest on the show.

I’m sure I’ve asked questions like that before. Maybe that’s why I’m not on TV. :)

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‘Two packages containing human body parts — including a liver and a partial head — that were intended for a lab were delivered to a home instead, and officials say more than two dozen similar packages could be dispersed across the United States.

The body parts, sent from China, were mistakenly dropped off at Franck and Ludivine Larmande’s home by a DHL driver who thought the bubble-wrapped items were pieces to a table.

“My husband started to unwrap one and said, ‘This is strange, it looks like a liver,'” Ludivine Larmande told The Grand Rapids Press. “He started the second one, but stopped as soon as we saw the ear.”

“Something wasn’t right. It was scary, and I’m glad I didn’t open them.”‘

‘What began as a routine training exercise for some Swiss soldiers almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident, when the troops got lost at night and mistakenly marched into neighbouring Liechtenstein.

According to the Swiss newspaper Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers from the neutral country wandered more than 1.5-kilometres across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday, but they soon realized their mistake and turned back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story, but said there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

Officials in Liechtenstein also played down the incident, with Interior Ministry spokesman Markus Amman saying nobody in his country had even noticed the soldiers, who were carrying assault rifles but no ammunition.’