moonbuggy

‘What would happen if an astronaut became mentally unstable in space and, say, destroyed the ship’s oxygen system or tried to open the hatch and kill everyone aboard?

That was the question after the apparent breakdown of Lisa Nowak, arrested this month on charges she tried to kidnap and kill a woman she regarded as her rival for another astronaut’s affections.

It turns out NASA has detailed, written procedures for dealing with a suicidal or psychotic astronaut in space. The documents, obtained this week by The Associated Press, say the astronaut’s crewmates should bind his wrists and ankles with duct tape, tie him down with a bungee cord and inject him with tranquilizers if necessary.’

‘As a child going to the circus, you might expect the clown to throw a bucket of confetti at you, or squirt you with water from the flower on his lapel.

You certainly wouldn’t be prepared for him to grab you by the scruff of the neck, punch and kick you and leave you needing hospital treatment for cuts and bruises.

As these astonishing pictures show, that’s what happened when 12-year-old Amos Lutz met Kaspar the Clown at a circus in Leipzig, Germany.’

‘If lorry drivers can tear their eyes away from the satellite navigation system while approaching the village of Exton, they could well save themselves hours of trouble.

There at the side of the road are the first signs in the country specifically warning them to ignore the satnav.

Owing to a fault in the electronic information system, many drivers are sent through the Hampshire hamlet only to find the lane narrows to 6ft and they get stuck. [..]

The 49-year-old company director said: ‘The problem mushroomed overnight with the advent of satnav.’

The wrong house to go to the toilet in.

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‘Footage from a birthday party gone bad. Alcohol plus testosterone plus lightsabers equals disaster.’

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‘Santa Fe police say an Ash Wednesday service at the cathedral was disrupted by pornographic messages from three CD players duct-taped to the underside of pews.

Santa Fe police Captain Gary Johnson says the CD players had been set to go off at 12:20 pm Wednesday during Mass in the Cathedral Basilica of Saint Francis.

Johnson says the recordings were full of foul language and pornographic messages.

Cathedral staff members removed the CD players, took them to the basement and called police. Church officials say churchgoers were not evacuated.’

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‘A man said he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbor was watching.

“Now I feel stupid,” said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case. “This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake.”

According to a criminal complaint, the neighbor told police that Van Iveren pounded on the door and kicked it open without warning Feb. 12, damaging the frame and lock.

“Where is she?” Van Iveren demanded, thrusting the sword at the neighbor, the complaint said. “Where is she?” [..]

The neighbor later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs.’

‘A smelly “fart bomb” had postal staff and firefighters holding their breath today when it burst at a postal sorting centre on Auckland’s North Shore.

The fart bomb was a giveaway in an internet magazine, but when other postal items were placed on top of the magazines being posted out the sachet bomb burst and released its contents shortly after daybreak. [..]

Acting deputy chief fire officer for the North Shore, Mike McEnaney, said the bomb was harmless but smelly and staff had no choice when they called the fire service.’

Recently a former sportsman said he didn’t like gay people. George Takei [of Star Trek fame] responds.

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I wouldn’t want to fight her.

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This is a film version of that allegedly true story that’s been going around for a while. Kinda funny. :)

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‘North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has ordered the seizure of all Japanese-made cars in the communist country after he spotted a broken-down model blocking a road, a press report said today.

The order came on January 1 when Kim visited the embalmed body of the North’s founding leader Kim Il-sung, South Korea’s Yonhap news agency said, in a sign of his growing discontent with Japan’s hardline stance on North Korea. [..]

It remains to be seen whether North Korean authorities will be able to implement the order fully, because most of the cars operating in the country are Japanese, Yonhap said.’

And into a puddle.

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‘The shy and retiring, softly-spoken CEO of Microsoft, Steve “Sounds of Silence” Ballmer is blaming software pirates for Vista’s poor sales.

Ballmer admitted to financial analysts that the predictions for Vista had proved ‘overly optimistic’ and he blamed the pirates in China, India, Brazil, Russia and other emerging markets.

He said his final solution would be to increase the intensity Windows Genuine Advantage as part of an effort to squeeze more revenue from developing nations. [..]

Of course he is ignoring the fact that a lot of people are not buying Vista because it does not offer much more than XP and Windows Genuine Advantage makes their lives a misery. [..]’

She gives it a try tho. Parents may be cunts tho, hard to say. [shrug]

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‘Marylynn Aminrazavi was happy. She was on vacation. Decked out in beach casual – oversized white T-shirt, colorful beach towel, hair in a bun – she leaned back in a chair by the Atlantic Ocean, put on her daughter’s iPod, and closed her eyes. Lost in the music, she began to sing along. Loudly.

The song was Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love to You.” Aminrazavi’s thin, nasal warble – not to mention her physique (she looks like your mom) – was clearly never intended for mid-90s R&B sex-pop. The resulting scene was comic gold: A 46-year-old suburban mother of two, blissfully unaware, belting out “I’ll make love to you / Like you want me to” to the dozens of beachgoers around her.

Had someone not had the presence of mind to capture the moment with a digital camera, it would have been lost forever. [..]’

‘This is it, the opportunity of a lifetime. You can be the proud owner of Britney Spears’ hair, extensions, the Omega clipper used to cut it all off and even the can of Red Bull she was drinking at the time. You also get her blue Bic Lighter and this valuable domain and website to use for publicity purposes. This is the Ultimate Britney Spears Experience! It is a piece of history that can not be duplicated!’

‘Rep. Don Young on Thursday added his voice to the speechifying about President Bush’s Iraq policy and bolstered it with what he thought was the voice of President Abraham Lincoln.

The man who Young quoted, though, was not the nation’s 16th president but a professor at a Washington, D.C., graduate school.

“I’d like to make a quote,” Young began after being granted his five minutes on the House floor. “‘Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged.'”‘

Follow up to: Human Slingshot

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This is a press conference given by the people behind those ‘Suspicious Packages’ That Paralyzed Boston Part of Cartoon Network Marketing Campaign. It’s pretty funny. :)

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Lots of people trying to sell her hair for lots of money.

This one is at $400k at the moment.

If this is your first night you have to fuck.

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‘Police arrested eight Chippendales dancers and three others during the first of three sold out performances Friday, accusing them of violating the city’s adult entertainment ordinance.

Officers raided Jake’s Sports Cafe about 30 minutes after the show started and the venue was closed. They arrested the venue’s manager, the show’s promoter and the dancers’ manager along with the dancers in front of a disgruntled crowd of women.

Shortly after, several hundred women began chanting, “Bring them back, bring them back” and “the City Council sucks, the City Council sucks.”‘

‘The author of ForestBlog, a blogging tool, has discovered that the MPAA was using his code in violation of his license. He gives the code away for free, but requires that users link back to his site and keep his name on the software. The MPAA deleted all credits and copyright notices from his work, and used it without permission. They ripped him off:

Way back in October last year whilst going through the website referals list for another of my sites I stumbled across this link. That’s right, my blogging software is being used by the MPAA (Motion picture Association of America); probably one of the most hated organisations known to the internet. Cool, I thought, until I had a look around and saw that all of the back links to my main site had been removed with nary a mention in the source code!’

‘Dude! It worked!’

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