‘Three fast-food restaurant workers were taken into custody Sunday evening after two police officers discovered that the hamburgers they had ordered had been sprinkled with marijuana.
The Isleta Police Department officers had eaten about half of their burgers from a Burger King restaurant in Los Lunas before realizing that something was wrong. Opening the burgers, they discovered marijuana sprinkled on top of the meat.
“One of the officers, when he was eating his hamburger, he said, ‘This thing tastes like it has marijuana in it,'” said Lieutenant Joseph Sanchez of the Los Lunas Police Department. “And that’s when he opened it up to see what was inside.”‘
‘Two guys blindfold themselves and then square off in a boxing match.’
(6meg Windows media)
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`The Walt Disney Co. yesterday said it took “appropriate action” against employees at its Paris theme park who were caught simulating sex while dressed as Disney characters in a digital video that has received wide attention on the internet. [..]
The video shows Minnie Mouse struggling to free herself as she is grabbed from behind by Goofy and then a giant snowman.
Later, Mickey Mouse simulates sex with the snowman and Goofy does the same with either Chip or Dale, the chipmunks, as laughter is heard on the tape.
The tape is described on the internet as the “mouse orgy.”‘
Here’s the Disneyland sex video.
‘Someone has brilliantly taken a bunch of clips of girls running and jumping on the Price is Right. I guess this is Bob Barker meets Baywatch.’
(9meg Flash video)
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‘Doing a hand stand down the stair case seems like a really good idea right? It turned out to be a very painful decision.’
(2.2meg Windows media)
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`”Another reason [you should hire me is] your web site is very unfriendly and may sway some clients into not working with you. People use websites of companies such as yours for research and your website thinks that it is witty, but comes off very dull and cheezy.” [Editor’s note: This is the first entry in a new category we call “Insult Your Way to the Top!”]’
and `”… But that’s the past. I’ve given them a year of my life in a minimum security work camp and I’m nearing work release status where I’ll be for the next 15 months or so… I need to connect with open-minded people like myself! My crime was a ‘non-violent, victimless’ one. I’m hoping this letter is reaching people who have or do smoke weed …”‘
‘This is a great compilation of about half a dozen funny bloopers from British TV.’
(3.2meg Windows media)
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‘CBS 2 New York Meteorologist Audrey Puente slips up when trying to describe a rip current. Jeez between this and the MSNBC black cock comment it makes you wonder what these news women really wish they were reporting about.’
(1.2meg Windows media)
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‘Steve, still weakened by the radiation he took, must try to rescue Jamie from the alien rebels. You kids with your “Lost” – this was the television event of the decade back in the 70’s.’
(12meg Flash video)
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‘A bunch of guys attempt to launch a model rocket. Not sure the launch could of gone any worse for the guy in the back.’
(600kB Windows media)
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`US President George Bush is to host White House talks on British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen.
Cohen, 35, creator of Ali G, has infuriated the Kazakhstan government with his portrayal of Borat, a bumbling Kazakh TV presenter.
And now a movie of Borat’s adventures in the US has caused a diplomatic incident. [..]
President Nazarbayev will visit the White House and the Bush family compound in Maine when he flies in for talks that will include the fictional character Borat.
But a spokesman for the Kazakhstan Embassy says it is unlikely that President Nazarbayev will find the film funny.’
‘These guys hired two professional dancers for our event and this girl decided she could do a better job than them. So we let her get up on the pole and show us how it’s done.’
(1.3meg Windows media)
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‘This is a great prank done in the middle of a mall. People are asked to participate in a taste test and then quietly remove the table leaving them alone in the mall blindfolded.’
(5.1meg Windows media)
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`Celebrity Paris Hilton has become the latest victim of “guerrilla artist” Banksy after he doctored hundreds of copies of her latest album and smuggled them into record shops.
The notoriously secretive artist has “reworked” the sleeve of Hilton’s debut album by superimposing a dog’s head on top of the svelte singer’s topless body.
The 500 tampered albums also come with a sticker on the cover, boasting that the album contains the hits: Why am I Famous?, What Have I Done? and What Am I For?
Inside the accompanying booklet, a picture of the heiress emerging from a luxury car has been retouched to include a group of homeless people.’
`It was an act of revenge on a squatter that most farmers can only dream of. Faced with a uninvited intruder moving onto his land complete with car and caravan, Alan Roberts decided to take matters into his own hands.
While the illegal tenant was still soundly asleep, Mr Roberts got into his yellow JCB forklift and prepared to teach him a lesson.
First, he picked up the man’s burgundy Vauxhall Cavalier from its spot on one of his fields and dumped it unceremoniously outside his land.
Then he returned to scoop up the white caravan, still housing the unsuspecting squatter.’
`The following proverbs were collected by a first grade teacher over the year. She gave her classes part of an old proverb and let them fill in the rest.
- Better be safe than…punch a 5th grader.
- Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty.
- The pen is mightier than the…pigs.
- Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and…you have to blow your nose.
- If at first you don’t succeed…get new batteries.’
A policeman manages to shoot himself in the leg with his tazer when he tries to put it back in the holster. Then he falls over.
(960kB Windows media)
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Bunches of funny Craig’s List posts. Some good ones:
When a panda sneezes it is apparently quite startling. :)
(630kB Flash video)
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`Don’t even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat.
I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.
The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you…
Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope
…is that the primary ingredient is something called “olean” which I have since learned is Latin for “Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease.”‘
‘Man this girl has some bad luck. First she gets pegged hard in the head as the catcher tries to throw out the baserunner, then she gets called out for interference!’
(1.5meg Windows media)
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‘A hitter for the Tigers bends back to avoid a pitch that’s a bit too inside. Unfortunately as he bends back his puts his balls right in the line of fire. At least he gets on base!’
(1.9meg Windows media)
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`It all started when I got out of my seat to go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom, washed my hands, and returned to my seat. A little while later the two stewardesses on the flight crossed each other in the aisle. They had a quick conversation that I was in earshot of. [..]
So now I’m starting to realize that this is turning into a big problem. They offer their condolences, tell me that it’s unfortunate, and I take a seat. Okay. So far, not so bad. I return to my seat and spend the rest of the flight trying to act normal.
That is, right up until the pilot comes over the intercom.’
‘Some dude is having his buddy taping him ghost riding his car in his neighborhood. A guy walking down the street sees him and decides to steal his car.’
(4.3meg Windows media)
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A trailer for a movie about a white guys head being attached to a black guys body.
(5.5meg Flash video)
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`A few years back we executed a mission that involved repeating time. Ever since then I’ve wanted to try something that stopped or slowed down time. How would people react if they found themselves surrounded by people moving forward at a different rate or time (or not moving at all)? I decided the Home Depot on 23rd Street in Manhattan was the perfect place to try this out for two reasons. 1) The assonance in “Slo-Mo Home Depot” sounds funny. 2) The mere existence of a Home Depot, an enormous behemoth of a store, on our tiny island is hilarious. It also helped that the store is located on the exact same block as the Best Buy we invaded earlier this year.’
‘Some dude takes a shot with his buddy defending. The shot hits the side of the goal and ricochets off the post straight into his friends face.’
(490kB Windows media)
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