`”COVER YOUR MOUTH AND NOSE KIDS…..DONT BREATH THAT STUFF IN!!!”
After the server dropped the food off she walked back over to the screaming man so see if everything was alright. He was fuming:
“I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE NON SMOKING SECTION!!!”
The server explained that it wasnt smoke, but just butter burning in a hot skillet with mushrooms in it.
“OH SO YOU MEAN THAT MY CHILDREN ARE BREATHING IN AIRBORN MUSHROOM SPORES!?!?! AND NOW THEY WILL HAVE MUSHROOM GROING IN THEIR LUNGS??!?!?!!” ‘
followup to The Customer is always an Ass.
‘I still dont get how these guys get away with these types of pranks in Japan. These guys screw with people while they are in a sauna after a day on the slopes skiing.’
Looks like it’s by the same people who made Public Toilet Prank.
(9meg Windows media)
see it here »
‘A British Telcom customer goes absolutely insane on a telemarkter. Wow I know getting calls in the middle of dinner is annoying but I dont think I’ve ever gotten this mad.’
(860kB Windows media)
see it here »
`Hekili_Manu: Ok. So I called my bank’s fraud dept about that hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I signed up you can assign your own security question online. [..]’
`On Tuesday morning, a retired Catholic priest and two veterans put on clown suits, busted into a nuclear missile launch facility, and began beating the silo cover with hammers, in an attempt to take the Minuteman III missile off-line. Seriously. [..]
The activists used bolt-cutters to get into the E-9 Minuteman II facility, located just northwest of the White Shield, North Dakota. “Using a sledgehammer and household hammers, they disabled the lock on the personnel entry hatch that provides access to the warhead and they hammered on the silo lid that covers the 300 kiloton nuclear warhead,” the group said in a statement. “The activists painted ‘It’s a sin to build a nuclear weapon’ on the face of the 110-ton hardened silo cover and the peace activists poured their blood on the missile lid.”
This was all done while wearing face paint, dunce caps, misfitting overalls, and bright yellow wigs.’
A pretty funny series of pranks involving public toilets.
(17.8meg Flash video)
see it here »
`I used to work cashier at a supermarket. One day a typical overburdened mom with $300 worth of groceries and a cranky kid in the cart comes on my line, nothing out of the ordinary. The mom’s trying to put her stuff on the belt, the kid wriggling in his seat, trying to get to the candy shelf, despite his mom repeatedly yelling at him not to. I’m just doing my job, scanning the groceries, ignoring the little monster. He manages to grab a pack of Skittles off the shelf and toss it on the belt, his mom sees, grabs them, and puts them back on the shelf, telling him no candy. He grabs it again, she tries to grab it from him, and the bag rips open during the tug of war between them.
He takes a handful of Skittles, throws them into his mom’s face, and shouts “TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOMMY!”
I don’t think he got any candy for a long time after that.’
`Man: Yo, the other day I see the F arriving as I’m coming down the stairs so I run in, just making it in on time. I hold the door for this girl behind me but I slipped and her head got caught in the closing door. She turned her head like The Exorcist and just looked at me for a second and then starting screaming. And then other people started screaming while I tried to open the doors again. The conductor finally opened up the doors and she stepped in…and stood right next to me…and stared at me until Roosevelt Island. I just got out there and waited for the next train.’
‘Prof: It has to be something that grabs people’s attention. Like, which would you rather see: how a painter paints a masterpiece or two dogs having sex? It would be the two dogs having sex – right?’
‘Prof: I don’t like finals, but I’m required to give you one. So I’ll give you the questions. And I’ll give you the answers. And, during the final, if you don’t know the answer to a question, come up and ask me, and I’ll tell you. I believe finals are a learning experience. If you don’t know the answer on the test and I tell you, you’re learning.’
‘Guy #1: They never said I had to take that class. They just said it was pre-something.
Guy #2: Prerequisite?
Guy #1: Yeah, whatever that means.’
`Gordon Ramsay, the celebrity chef that everyone loves to hate, now has a new enemy: Sir Cliff Richard. [..]
The UK’s Daily Mail reports that Richard thought the first wine Ramsay gave him to taste was “amazing”. [..]
The second wine did not go down so well.
“I told him it was a sort of £12.99 bottle and Cliff said, ‘That’s rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that, it’s tainted, it’s insipid. It tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that,'” Ramsay quoted him as saying.
I told him, ‘Cliff, that was your wine’ and, well, fuck me, he went off. Bananas. He lent over and [beckoned me towards him] with his finger and said, ‘Young man, go fuck yourself.'”‘
‘A redheaded hacidic jewish break dancer face plants while trying to do a front flip. Somehow I dont think he’s going to Hollywood.’
(2.4meg Windows media)
see it here »
`A mother swore at police and accused them of being pedophiles before she was handcuffed in front of hysterical children for double parking outside a Queensland school, a court has been told. [..]
Sergeant Carmont told the court Ms Green refused to provide her details despite being asked up to 14 times and became aggressive after police approached her BMW.
“She said ‘I know all you fucking cunt’s are corrupt, haven’t you got anything fucking better to do, you should be out arresting murderers and not harassing mothers’,” he quoted Green as saying.
“The only reason you hang around schools is because you’re a fucking pedophile cunt.”‘
`The biblical significance of the hand is important, because in the act of fisting, one partner (usually male) inserts his entire hand and fist into the vagina or rectum of his partner. Rather than copulating with his penis, he penetrates her with his fist. Given the powerful symbolism of the fist, it is no surprise that couples who have partaken in the practice of fisting have described it as being a profoundly spiritual experience. On a symbolic and sexual level, a wife who is fisted by her husband has the experience of surrendering completely to the divine love and power of the Lord, as embodied by her partner’s hand. The husband in turn has the experience of touching and caressing her inwardly, in such a deep and intimate manner as God touches our own souls with His grace.’
‘Morning Show Surprise Announcement On a recent episode of Australia’s Sunrise morning show one of their guests took the opportunity to make a big announcement on live TV to his girlfriend of seven years. Some lucky girl named Jo just had her dreams come true, I hope she said yes!’
(2meg Windows media)
see it here »
`We met at Union Square North at 3:30 PM. Around 80 agents showed up, most them looking like wonderful Best Buy employees. More than a few came dressed in navy or teal, but with the belt and the khakis they still looked employee-like. After everyone arrived I explained the mission. The first step was for everyone to throw their newspapers away. The instruction to bring a newspaper was a red herring meant to throw people off the scent of the mission’s true nature. I then revealed the plan, “We’re heading up to the Best Buy on 23rd Street. We’ll enter the store one by one. Once inside, spread out and stand near the end of an aisle, facing away from the merchandise. Don’t shop, but don’t work either. If a customer comes up to you and asks you a question, be polite and help them if you know the answer. If anyone asks you if you work there, say no. If an employee asks you what you’re doing, respond ‘I’m waiting for my girlfriend/boyfriend who is shopping elsewhere in the store.’ If they question you about your clothing, just explain that it’s what you put on when you woke up this morning and you don’t know any of the other people dressed like you.”‘
‘If you discover a nice Korean woman working at a clock repair shop that struggles with the pronunciation of the word “clock,” what should you do?’
Hilarious. :)
(4.0meg Flash video)
see it here »
The 80’s was the best period of human history to date. Don’t believe me? This will prove it.
(5.1meg Flash video)
see it here »
Ever wondered what Hugo Chavez thinks of George W. Bush? Wonder no more. :)
Straight from Venezuela to you, and fucken funny to boot.
(4meg Windows media)
`You know how it is: you’ve got a 30-inch cock but your wife’s box is only six inches. The only intelligent solution is to offer the box for sale on eBay, as this Wisconsin vendor attempted to do [..]’
eBay apparently keeps pulling the auction because it contains profanity, but the latest attempt is here: I’m selling my wife’s box 3rd try w/can no profanity!!
`I’m selling my wife’s box, I tried to before but ebay pulled it. I’m selling her box because as you can see from the pictures, my cock doesn’t fit in her box. If I try and shove it in any further I will tear her box and she doesn’t want that. We have tried in the past to get rid of her box but have had no luck. She gave her box to the neighbor twice, but he returned it. Then she tried to give it to the mailman, but he said he rather have my cock. Please help us out. I will ship her box to anywhere in the world. I will only charge up to actual shipping cost. My cock is only pictured as a reference and not included. The box measures about 6 inches tall and 4 3/4 inches wide and deep.’
He’s throwing in her can aswell now, because the head of his cock won’t fit into the hole of her can.
This is fucken hilarious.
(1.4meg Windows media, audio only)
see it here »
‘Action clip from “Unefeatable”, a truly incredible martial arts film.’
(8meg Flash video)
see it here »
‘A group of college students set out to prove their thesis that dizzy girls running down hallways are stronger than concrete walls… They were wrong.’
(2.4meg Windows media)
see it here »
‘Randy from Dover Delaware really loves his new Dell. He gives such a glowing recommendation that I’m thinking about getting one. It even comes with a 30 day money back guarantee and a McGuire rookie card.’
(2meg Windows media)
see it here »
`The government of Dubai thought it would be a good idea to put a speed bump on a street where locals tended to speed. Problem is they didn’t tell anybody. This Gallardo hit it at over 60 MPH.
There’s actually a video of the accident. The back end of the Gallardo goes about 5 feet off the ground.’
‘Bill Dance Outdoors fishing show. This guy just cant catch a break or a fish for that matter.’
(5meg Windows media)
see it here »
‘A very eager reporter is attempting to run underneath the belly of a horse. I really think the horse knew exactly what it was doing. I think she’ll stick to the weather from now on.’
(673kB Windows media)
see it here »
‘A conversation between two Japanese guys, one whom has returned from a trip from Australia and explains their global practical joke.’
see it here »
`Conan O’Brien sends Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to visit New York’s Chinatown for Chinese New Year.’
