`[..] “We were just being, well, college students, and they used it against us,” says Mr. Stoneman, a senior at George Washington University in Washington. He is convinced that the campus security force got wind of a party he and some buddies were planning last year by monitoring Facebook.com, the phenomenally popular college networking site. The officers waited till the shindig was in full swing, Mr. Stoneman grouses, then shut it down on discovering under-age drinking.
Mr. Stoneman and his friends decided to fight back. Their weapon of choice? Facebook, of course.’
`This is by far the best deal you will find for these fake lottery tickets! Just put one of these lottery tickets in a birthday card and let the fun begin! When the person scratches off the section instead of winning they get cursed out!! What a nasty prank! These fake lotto tickets are top quality and will look and feel like the real thing! They will never know it’s fake! Tickets will come in 4 assorted styles as picture above shows. All tickets will have different nasty curse phrases so please adults only!’
This are kinda cool, in a way. Scratchies usually have pictures of fruit or something under the silver stuff, not phrases like “Eat Shit And Die!”. :)
`From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f…ing bored!” Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!” Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!” [..]
Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.” Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?” Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.” Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?” Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,…… and I didn’t land.”‘
AgLCIkr jSLQMXfZ`I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.’
This one gets funnier once it’s in slow-mo.
(1.5meg Windows Media)
see it here »
`Albino he-she, seeks smiliar. Call 020 7800 919′
Amusing story about the differences between Christmas in America and Europe.
(14.8meg mp3)
see it here »
For those who don’t know, BackOrifice is a backdoor program that lets people take control of a computer. Fun stuff.
Anyways, have a look at the first picture, then the second. Funny. :)
`11. ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.
(2) Evolution can’t be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists. [..]
13. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE
(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God exists. [..]
14. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there’s really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid Atheists — it’s too complicated for you to understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists. [..]
17. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists. [..]
DORE’S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.’
‘At last the definitive collection of Alan Jones blooper tapes. These insights in Alan’s workplace behaviour are taken from his time working at Sydney radio station 2UE in the 1990s. They were leaked to us by an anonymous source.
They show a side of Alan you don’t normally see in public life. He swears. He chucks tantrums. He reviews films. He complains about dust in the studios.’
If you don’t know who Alan Jones is, this photo will help:
`[..] the RIAA’s contact information is just buried. Now, they’ve been fighting vigorously to uncover file-swappers’ addresses and phone numbers, developing tracking codes that can be embedded within MP3 files. And yet, they have an unlisted phone number. Paging Dr. Irony. There is a phone call for Dr. Irony.
It took hours of searching before I finally found a phone number and was able to get through to someone. I spoke with a young, mild-mannered executive who patiently answered my questions, which I delivered in my best “dumb guy” voice.’
Kinda amusing. Would be better if there was audio, especially of this bit:
`JH: A penis?
RIAA: [Long pause] What?
JH: You asked if my service provider told me I have a penis?’
see it here »
‘The idea came to me while I was helping my daughter with her homework. There was no direct reason why I should have come up with the idea during that event. It was just a random thought on which I followed through. What if I were to stand on a street corner with a sign in MY hand? One in which did not ask for money, food, a job or sympathy, but offered to give people something for free? What if I offered people waiting at the stoplight of a busy intersection free Linux disks?
[..] It was shortly after the morning work rush hour that it began to happen.
People gave me money�
And cigarettes�
4 gave me gift certificates to local eateries.
Some gave me phone numbers.
Go figure.’
’11/28 13:38 COM [EMP#] WHAT A IDIOT…..I THINK HE IS ABUSING THE SYSTEM…BUT…WITH SO MANY CHANGES I TOLD HIM THAT NOMORE ECHANGES ON PRESELLS..[EMP NAME]’
There’s also the original forum post by the fellow that was called an idiot.
‘On 8th and 9th of October, Gloria Jean’s coffee houses around Australia are hosting a special event, Cappuccino for a Cause, to support the work of Mercy Ministries. When you buy a Cappuccino or Cappuccino Chiller over the event weekend, 50 cents from each sale will be donated to Mercy Ministries.
What is Mercy Ministries?
Mercy Australia runs a residential program for young women aged between 16 and 28 years with life controlling issues. These issues range from eating disorders, unplanned pregnancies, substance abuse, eating disorders, self harm, suicidal tendencies, depression and anxiety, and the effects of sexual and physical abuse. The average stay for a resident is approx 10 months, depending on each individual girl.
The program is very structured and is based on Christian principles. The residents have class time and bible study daily.’
Also with links to stories about how the father of Hillsong’s founder is a homosexual paedophile and how they engage in generally dodgy financial dealings.
[I think the photo caption “The Right Honourable Happy Clappy, MHR” at the latter link is hilarious. :)]
`A man is facing jail after slapping a passer-by with a fish.
Alan Bennie, 20, was walking through a park when he was approached by assailant David Evans, who was carrying a fish. [..]
[The prosecutor] said: “The accused asked the complainer ‘Do you want to kiss my fish?’
“Mr Bennie made no reply and walked on, at which point the accused said: ‘You answer me next time I ask you to kiss a fish’, and slapped him round the face with it.”‘
I put a link to the crazy Trading Spouses woman a while back. Here’s a longer and crazier version of the clip. Absolutely hilarious.
(10.3meg Windows Media)
see it here »
Mr T is not only a great actor, he’s also a wonderful musician.
[sings] Mother.. There is no other like mother.. So treat her right..
Mother.. I’ll always love her.. My mother.. So treat her right..
see it here »
`American president George W. Bush stunned the world yesterday by showing everyone that he has an extremely small penis. Though he never actually took off his clothes, the irrefutable evidence of his miniscule manhood was made official when he declared war on the nation of Iraq without any apparent justification.
First lady Laura Bush, who saw the president’s pecker once after a tractor pull in Austin, was on hand to confirm the diagnosis.
Speaking to reporters, she said it was ‘about the size of a hanging chad’, and ‘harder to find than Al Gore’s name on a Florida ballot’.
The historic announcement marks the first time the size of a presidential penis was not revealed by way of a White House intern.’
DI mb tInCmIQUkMJust a quick one. Worth a chuckle.
(550kB Windows Media)
see it here »
`Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. [..]
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.’
`The Perfect Revenge
Ship A Turd is the perfect way to get back at that know it all co-worker, that idiotic negative feedback leaving Ebayer, or that so called “friend” who you are just plain pissed off at.
The Raunchy Gag Gift
Ship A Turd is great for bachelor/bachelorette parties, draw a name gift occasions, or for whatever other need you may have that you think you should have a nasty, stinky ugly pile of turds for.’
Of all the things I’ve blogged, this is the only one that required me to hide part of the page with another window ’cause I couldn’t bear to look at the pictures long enough to copy and paste some text. Judge for yourself. :)
iOPj kznQtjwKh sTvk kCG P r‘A reporter cant keep a straight face after one of his guests turns out to have an unusual voice.’
(3.9meg Windows Media)
Update: now with subtitles.
see it here »
`Lebianism ’bout to take over our comminuty .. I’m talkin’ about YOUNG GIRLS!
My son in high school last year, trying to go to the prom, he said “Dad, I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom because all the girls in my class are gay, and ain’t but two of them straight and both of dem ugly.”‘
And it gets so much better. :)
`Anytime somebody gotta slap some grease on your behind dere’s somethin’ wrong wid dat. YOUR BUTT AIN’T MADE FOR DAT! [..]
No wonder yo behind is bleedin’!’
(740k mp3)
see it here »
Another fat lady fipping out.
(2meg Windows Media)
see it here »
dQgcDYxZ lTfVrw o Yn iSlightly amusing. Bob Saget has a small penis, apparently. [shrug] :)
(3.7meg Flash video)
see it here »
Some guy lost a competition with his friend and had to carry a boombox around playing the shittiest mix tape they could come up with at full volume.
(16meg Quicktime)
see it here »
`Dr. Chopp is board certified by the American Board of Urology and joined The Urology Team in 1983. He attended medical school at The University of Minnesota. His internship and residency were both at the University of Southern California, where he served in various capacities, including adult service, general urology, and renal service. [..]
Dr. Richard (Dick) Chopp is well known in the Austin community for performing Vasectomies. [..]’
Dick Chopp. Get it? Ha ha.
[shrug] :)
Funnily enough, this one might just pass as safe for work because there’s really nothing in it that is both obscene and large enough to be visible. :)
(3.7meg Windows media)
see it here »
