I always find it amusing that no matter how many times I think to myself “I’ll never find anything more offensive than what I’ve just posted” there’s _always_ something worse to find, floating somewhere around on the interwebs.
Still, this time I _really_ think this might be the most awful thing ever.
I don’t recommend anyone watch this video. Especially not at work.
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`A carpenter who keeps his clothes clean by working in the nude was arrested after a client returned home early and found him building bookcases in the buff.
Percy Honniball, 50, was charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure this week for the October incident.
He told officers he stripped before crawling under the client’s house to do electrical work because he didn’t want to soil his clothes, police said.
Honniball said Thursday that working in the nude gave him a better range of motion and that a skilled craftsman can work clothing — and injury — free.’
‘If you discover a nice Korean woman working at a clock repair shop that struggles with the pronunciation of the word “clock,” what should you do?’
Hilarious. :)
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`ONE OF A KIND ITEM. FOR THE MAN WHO THOUGHT HE HAD ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. GUARANTEED TO BE THE ONLY ONE IN EXISTENCE. WILL KEEP YOU WARM & TOASTY. WITH 1 DAY TILL THE OLYMPICS OPENING CEREMONY I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW SO MANY OF YOU CAN LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF CRAFTSMANSHIP & INGENUITY TO PROTECT SOMETHING SO VITAL…’
`A preimiership star had to miss a match – after scalding his privates with boiling water.
Sunderland and Scotland striker Kevin Kyle was feeding eight-month-old son Max when the accident happened.
He had the youngster perched on his knee, while holding a jug of hot water to warm up a bottle of milk. But Max slipped and booted the jug – splashing water in his dad’s lap.
It is understood to have burnt Kyle’s testicles and his inner thigh.
He went to hospital and was kept in overnight for observation.’
`A naked man suffered burns to one-fifth of his body when he tried to set fire to a spider at a nudist resort in the NSW southern highlands.
The 56-year-old Sydney man tried to kill what he thought was a funnel web spider by pouring petrol down the spider’s burrow and igniting it with a match, the NRMA CareFlight service said.
But the fuel exploded and the man was left with burns to 18 per cent of his body, on the upper leg and buttocks.’
`A hooker who bit her client’s penis reportedly so hard that he required an operation has denied grievous bodily harm with intent, according to a report from the UK.
Prosecutor Matthew McNiff told the jury Louise Jowett carried out the attack because Brett O’Leary told her he had no additional money to dispense after already paying her for sex, reports the Cambridge News.
It was alleged that afterwards she asked O’Leary for more cash, becoming more aggressive as her requests continued. While performing a sex act on O’Leary he told her he did not have any more cash.
McNiff said she grabbed his penis and took it in her mouth and gripped it between her teeth. He said: “She bit hard. She bit very hard. This caused what Mr O’Leary described as indescribable pain.”‘
‘A big dick and a limber body don’t belong to everyone, but if you can already get pretty close there are a few tricks you can do to improve and hopefully, get that incredible rush that comes when you finally make contact between your tongue and your own dick.
I first sucked my 9 inch dick at age fourteen and I think an early start helps. I laid off for a good ten years and when I started again, it took work to get back in contact. I’ve been doing it again for about two years, but lately have come to the belief that practice *definitely* pays off. Before, I could only lick the tip with real strain, legs thrown over my head. Now I am getting the whole juicy head in my mouth plus some shaft, and I can lick halfway down my dick and taste my balls. I can also now suck it standing up and sitting down.’
`Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them — his penis.
Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.
“We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own,” said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.’
‘Check out the guy in the background watching his buddy wipe out on this stunt. That board could of bounced a thousand different ways but it chose the least favorable one for one unlucky bystander.’
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`A German man playing with his brother’s Jack Russell was hospitalised after the dog sunk its teeth into his penis.
Daniel Dietmaier, from Dueren, said the dog nearly bit it off and after his brother’s girlfriend told it to “attack” as a joke.
He is demanding substantial damages, saying the woman did not even helped him as he lay on the floor in agony after beating off the dog – because she had collapsed on the floor laughing.’
`A phone repair worker who is in transition from male to female said Tuesday that she was arrested three times by transit police in the last six months for using the women’s restroom at Grand Central Terminal.
Helena Stone, 70, said an officer called her “a freak, a weirdo and the ugliest woman in the world” and warned her, “If I ever see you in the women’s bathroom, I’m going to arrest you.”
“I said, ‘That’s the only bathroom I use,'” Stone said at a rally and news conference. “‘That’s who I am.'”‘
‘A clerk at a GetGo station made a horrifying discovery last night after a man walked into the minimart and asked her to heat something wrapped in a paper towel in the store’s microwave.
When the item in the microwave gave off an unusual odor, the clerk opened the over door, unwrapped the paper and found what appeared to be a severed human penis, according to KDKA-TV.’
and Police Uncover Twist In Bizarre Case:
‘According to McKeesport’s police chief, a man and a woman had inserted urine into a fake penis that the woman was planning to use to pass a drug test.’
`The menu at Beijing’s latest venue for its growing army of gourmets is eye-watering rather than mouth-watering.
China’s cuisine is renowned for being “in your face” – from the skinned dogs displayed at food markets to the kebabbed scorpions sold on street stalls – and there is no polite way of describing Guo-li-zhuang.
Situated in an elegantly restored house beside Beijing’s West Lake, it is China’s first speciality penis restaurant.
Here, businessmen and government officials can sample the organs of yaks, donkeys, oxen and even seals. In fact, they have to, since they form part of every dish – except for those containing testicles’
`A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.
Zeljko Tupic, from Belgrade, told doctors he had experienced erectile difficulties in the past.
So as he prepared for a night with his new lover, he decided to insert a thin pencil into his penis.
Tupic had to cut his sex session short when the pencil shifted and became lodged in his bladder, forcing him to call an ambulance, the daily Kurir reported.’
`Journalist of Russia’s First TV Channel (ORT) Viktor Shvagerus insists that Russian special services have a video of British spy Andrew Fleming masturbating on the spy stone. Two weeks ago, Russia’s FSB reported seizing of a spy electronic device belonging to the British intelligence designed as a stone. But it turned out later that the national TV channels did not show the most interesting part of the spy scandal. [..]
The cameraman wrote: “Censorship was applied to the footage showing one of the supposed spies performing an indecent action with the stone-like transmitter. Behind the cameras FSB experts explained that the British spy was masturbating in front of the stone. They did not name the man, but they grinned every time the name of Andrew Fleming was mentioned (secretary of the British Embassy in Russia Andrew Fleming is meant).”’
`A male teacher who performed naked cartwheels in front of young female students during a school camp has been jailed for five months.
Warren David Schneider, 37 of Brisbane, pleaded guilty in the Queensland District Court to seven counts of indecent treatment of a child under 16 years under care.
He was sentenced today to 15 months’ jail suspended after five months.
The court was told Schneider was an art teacher at a private school in Brisbane’s south when he committed a series of sexual offences during 2002 against three girls, all of whom were then in Year 7 and aged 12.’
`An 18-year-old male ASU student was arrested Sunday night at Hayden Library and charged with indecent exposure and public sexual indecency. The suspect allegedly pulled his pants and underwear to his mid-thighs to masturbate while watching pornography on his laptop. When asked why he had gone to the library to view pornography and masturbate, the suspect allegedly told police, “To be honest, the Internet connection at my dorm isn’t good enough.”‘
`I’m happy to say that silicone was not responsible for my recent stay in the hospital. I had a severe case of pneumonia. I’m not sure how or why the hospital doctors were so focused on the silicone; I can only guess that because of the controversy surrounding silicone usage, they immediately wanted to focus on that.
Early on, the hospital doctors said I may have pneumonia, but then they seemed to rule it out. The diagnosis on my discharge paperwork says, “Probable Silicone Embolism Syndrome”. It’s amazing that after 2 weeks in the hospital, they couldn’t be a little more sure about it.’
Be wared, this forum post it brought to you by the ExtremeCock Community and there are pictures posted. Bet you can’t guess why “silicone” keeps getting mentioned. :)
`A naked man, struck and killed on Interstate 90 just west of Snoqualmie Pass early today, was the owner of three McDonald’s fast-food restaurant franchises in Ellensburg. [..]
At about 4 a.m., the truck crossed the median and the eastbound lanes, coming to a stop when it struck a guardrail, the patrol said in a news release.
Arnes then apparently left the truck, took off his clothes and stood in the eastbound lanes — Lane 2 — where he was struck up a white pickup, Trooper Kelly Spangler said.’
`A prostitute who bit her client’s penis so hard he required an operation has denied grievous bodily harm with intent.
Prosecutor Matthew McNiff told the jury Louise Jowett carried out the attack because Brett O’Leary, from Clare, near Haverhill, told her he had no more money to give her after already paying her for sex.
Outlining the case Mr McNiff said 22-year-old Jowett, who denies the charge, had bitten and continued to bite Mr O’Leary for up to 45 seconds during the assault. The force and determination of Jowett’s attack was said to have led to Mr O’Leary requiring an operation.’
`A Central Florida man was arrested on charges he exposed himself to a child at a Wal-Mart store, according to a Local 6 News.
Brian Williams was supposed to face a judge on drug charges Tuesday from a previous arrest, but he is now being held on $30,000 bond for allegedly flashing a child at the Fruitland Park Wal-Mart.’
with an amusing mugshot.
Safe for work because art is always safe for work.
If your boss complains, tell them they’re a philistine. They’ll have no option but to agree with you and apologise for being ignorant and uncultured.
`Impotency drugs Viagra and Cialis may increase the risk of sudden blindness in men with a history of heart attacks or high blood pressure, research suggests.
A new study published in the British Journal of Ophthalmology is the latest to suggest a link between impotency drugs and a condition which could cause sudden blindness in one eye; non-arteritic ischaemic optic neuropathy (Naion). The authors recommended doctors discuss the risk with their patients.’
‘The Weishampel Exchange was created in 1996 on board of a ship patrolling the coast of California. The act, while disturbing, is catching on like fire through the homosexual and transgendered communities along the West Coast, as well as the DC area.
A Weishampel Exchange is a sexual practice in which two men stand, facing each other. Their phalli are connected by use of a water pipe from urethra to urethra. There are two variations: the traditional Weishampel Exchange refers to the act of one man ejaculating through the pipe, into the recipient’s urethra. Thus “exchanging” semen from the ejaculate traveling down the pipe. The DC Weishampel Exchange is a more recent variation, in which both men simultaneously ejaculate, creating an exciting battle of pressure.’
Update: seems wikipedia took the article away. Good thing I copied the bulk of the text before they did. :) Otherwise this important piece of knowledge would have invariably been lost to the ages..
`Constantin, 67, lived in a formerly peaceful village near Galati. But lately Constantin just couldn’t get any sleep, all because of a single noisy chicken. Night after night he dreamed of wringing its neck, or even better, chopping its head off. One night, he finally had enough. He roused himself from bed and headed out to the yard in his underwear, determined to bring silence once more to his home.
The sleep-deprived villager grabbed that chicken by the neck and chopped its head right off. Only then did he realize that he had confused his own penis for the chicken’s neck. While Constantin stood stunned by his folly, his dog rushed over and gobbled up the treat.’
It’s a Darwin Award nomination from 2004, but quality stupidity never gets old. :)
`A Central Dauphin School District teacher faces charges of assaulting a Lower Paxton Twp. police officer and possession of illegal drugs after being arrested earlier this month while standing naked in the snow outside of his home, police said. [..]
According to court papers, when Lofton was asked if he was okay, he responded, “No, I am … crazy, and I need a menthol cigarette.”
When asked where he lived and why he was naked, Lofton is alleged to have said that he was “Jesus Christ” and that the officer must be “God,” court papers say. [..]
The officer used his pepper spray on Lofton, at first to no avail. Then a cursing Lofton advised the officer that “‘Jesus’ is now blind,” court papers say. [..]
Lofton’s attorney, Terrence J. McGowan, said that the school district had scheduled a meeting to discuss Lofton’s future. Lofton taught in Central Dauphin High School.
“Basically, he had some mental health issues that hopefully are in remission. I don’t think it affects his ability to be a French teacher and it wasn’t school-related, so we’re hoping we can get him back to work,” McGowan said.’
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