moonbuggy

‘Paris Hilton gets an unwelcome surprise when she takes a bath with a baby.’

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`I was riding an overnight ferry in Greece a couple summers ago with a large group, mostly made up of flaky girls. Since we were stuck on the ferry till morning with nothing to do most of the group decided to get tomorrow’s showering out of the way tonight. A particular clique of the dumb girl posse convinced the tour guide to allow them to use her room to shower as it was one of few with a functioning shower. Apparently, the girls had decided they were only going to shit once on the trip because all of them went into the tour guide’s bathroom and laid monstrous loads. The only problem with that was that they had not realized that you can NOT flush toilet paper in the toilets on these ferrys. [..]’

`It took five police officers, three hits with a Taser gun, leg straps and a spit bag to subdue a 5-foot tall, 105-pound woman who entered a Waukesha home and attacked a couple she didn’t know with a metal pooper scooper and scissors, authorities said.

Still kicking after being strapped and handcuffed, the woman was carried by police out of the home in a bag, and she looked “like a sack of potatoes,” the homeowner said.

Leisa K. Reed, 47, who told authorities she smoked crack cocaine before the incident, was charged Monday with two felonies [..]’

`Coffee grows in dozens of countries around the world. Some varieties have earned a special reputation, often based on a combination of rarity, unusual circumstances and particularly good flavor. These coffees, from Jamaican Blue Mountain to Kona to Tanzanian Peaberry, command a premium price. But perhaps no coffee in the world is in such short supply, has such unique flavors and an, um, interesting background as Kopi Luwak. And no coffee even comes close in price: Kopi Luwak sells for $75 per quarter pound. Granted, that’s substantially less than marijuana, but it’s still unimaginably high for coffee. [..]

On these Indonesian islands, there’s a small marsupial called the paradoxurus, a tree-dwelling animal that is part of the sibet family. Long regarded by the natives as pests, they climb among the coffee trees eating only the ripest, reddest coffee cherries. Who knows who first thought of it, or how or why, but what these animals eat they must also digest and eventually excrete. Some brazen or desparate — or simply lazy — local gathered the beans, which come through the digestion process fairly intact, still wrapped in layers of the cherries’ mucilage. The enzymes in the animals’ stomachs, though, appear to add something unique to the coffee’s flavor through fermentation.’

`A knife-wielding mugger who robbed a woman of her bags before discovering they were full of dog mess has been jailed for four years.

David Carlisle, 32, forced 52-year-old Marion Budd to hand over the bags at knifepoint last July as she walked her dog in Westbury-on-Trym, Bristol.

When he realised what he had taken, Carlisle, a drug addict and father-of -four, fled the scene empty-handed.

The bungling would-be thief was jailed after admitting attempted robbery.’

`A Highland man, who claims to have mailed boxes of “cat poop sandwiches” to Lake County courts Monday to protest a small claims case, has locked himself in his home in anticipation of being arrested.

“I’m not coming out of this house,” he said.

Richard Carroll, 54, is the same man who early last month sent a package to Lake Superior Court Magistrate Michael Pagano that a hazardous materials team examined.

Carroll, who insists he’s not violent, said he believes he’s making his stand. The six boxes mailed this week contained the excrement, bread and torn up money with some change thrown in, he said.

“They all say I’m crazy, but I’m crazy about my rights,” he said.’

`A Lincoln, Nebraska, man who has six prosecutions for urinating in public – has been caught again.

But this time Darwin Shum was caught with his pants down doing a “number two” on the concrete veranda of Lincoln’s Hall of Justice.

If convicted, Shum could face a minimum £57 fine. Police said they did not believe Shum was making a political statement or intoxicated at the time.’

`Come 2012 and it will be rare to see people defecating in the open in India. So claims Rural Development Minister Raghuvansh Prasad Singh, who went on to say that the country was set to achieve ‘open-defecation free’ status under the government’s Total Sanitation Programme (TSC).

‘Open defecation is slowly losing popularity in rural India, and the government is doing all efforts to end this for all by 2012,’ Singh told IANS.

The TSC was started in 1999 by the rural development ministry to ensure sanitation facilities across the country.

‘The growth in the use of toilets from 22 percent in 2001 to 38 percent of the population in 2006 (till February) is an encouraging sign. The government has raised the grant for construction of household toilets from Rs.625 to Rs.1,500.’

`Signs warning of bird droppings were posted along a stretch in downtown Orlando this week after cars, benches, sidewalks, plants and even people are hit and covered by the white bird waste, according to a Local 6 News report.

The problem began when city workers removed cypress trees on “bird island” at Lake Eola in Orlando.

The trees had to be removed because the bird droppings were polluting the water, according to the report.

Now, the birds have moved into the city and are covering anything and anyone between Lake Eola and Central Avenue with droppings.’

‘A very eager reporter is attempting to run underneath the belly of a horse. I really think the horse knew exactly what it was doing. I think she’ll stick to the weather from now on.’

(673kB Windows media)

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`Four former inmates of the Citrus County Detention Facility filed a federal lawsuit against the private company that runs the jail, alleging two former officers put human waste in their food and drinks.

The inmates were subject to cruel punishment, torture and battery in 2004, when they were forced to eat the food contaminated with urine and feces, according to the lawsuit filed Friday in U.S. District Court in Tampa.

A spokesman for Tennessee-based Corrections Corporation of America said the company took immediate action once it heard about the incident.

“Management immediately investigated and terminated three employees right there and then,” company spokesman Steve Owen said Saturday. “The company does have a zero-tolerance policy for conduct of that nature.”‘

`Straight out of a toilet and into your bed . The new Pee & Poo toys are cute, cuddly and a little controversial. Designer Emma Megitt launched her unique friends at the Future Designer Days Expo this year. The first batch of Pee & Poo toys hit Sweden and where sold out quicker than you can say Abba. The controversy surrounding a line of toys representing human waste has created great publicity for Megitt and has launched her name into the designer world spotlight. Originally sold separately Pee & Poo now come in a duo pack. So you get both bodily functions covered in the one box.’

`Scientists in energy-poor Japan said Friday they have found a new source of gasoline — cattle dung.

Sakae Shibusawa, an agriculture engineering professor at the Tokyo University of Agriculture and Technology, said his team has successfully extracted .042 ounces of gasoline from every 3.5 ounces of cow dung by applying high pressure and heat.

“The new technology will be a boon for livestock breeders” to reduce the burden of disposing of large amounts of waste, Shibusawa said. About 551,155 tons of cattle dung are produced each year in Japan, he said.’

`Size: 63 ¾” H x 25 ½” W x 29 ½” D Solid ash wood with rich brown finish. Wrought iron candleholder, includes candle. Decorative porcelain ashtray. Hand-painted toilet bowl, seat handle, pull-lever, and plaque. Le Bon Roi Dagobert plays when lid is raised a song about a king who arrived at the ministers council with his trousers on backwards. Standard 1.6 gallons per flush. 12″ rough-in Manufacturer 1-Year limited warranty. Made in France. This item requires Sanitary Equipment listed in related items below. Ships in 1-3 business days.’

`A man who broke into a high school, stole a schoolgirl’s swimsuit and then defecated in it as he pranced around wearing the garment has been arrested, police said.

Yasuhisa Matsushita, 25, a temporary employment agency worker from Fukuroi, Shizuoka Prefecture, was arrested for trespassing and willful destruction of property.

Matsushita admits to the allegations.

“I did it because it felt so good,” Matsushita told the police.’

`The corpses of at least 20 newborn babies and fetuses are found each week in the sewers of Zimbabwe’s capital, some having been flushed down toilets, Harare city authorities said, according to state media Friday. [..]

“Apart from upsetting the normal flow of waste, it is not right from a moral standpoint. Some of the things that are happening now are shocking,” the state Herald, a government mouthpiece, reported Chideya as saying.’

Well, no one seems to die.

Pretty disgusting. I couldn’t watch it. No doubt some of you dirty fuckers love this sorta stuff tho. 🙂

(8.2meg Windows Media)

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`The Turd Twister is a complete kit for shaping your turd into amazing designs, and it comes with a hilarious instruction manual. It’s just a joke of course, and it’s good for hours of laughter! It’s the Ultimate Gift for the person who has everything, including a “twisted” sense of humor! Get one today!’

`I hate to say it but I really like the smell of my own shit! I don’t make a habit of smelling it, well I didn’t used to, but I accidentally got a bit on my fingers when I was wiping my ass a few years back and I thought ‘What the hell?’. So I gave it a little whiff and f*ck me if it wasn’t one of the sweetest smelling aromas I’ve ever had the pleasure to fill my lungs with. [..]

I tried to get my girlfriend to enjoy it by ‘accidentally’ shoving a finger up her nose whilst we were having sex but she was having none of it. Oh well. Her loss I guess.’

`A New York City teenager fell out the window of a moving bus while using the restroom Tuesday and landed on the New York State Thruway.

State police said Jose Gonzales, 17, lost his balance when the chartered bus swerved to change lanes. It was unclear how fast the bus was going.’

`Depending on who you talk to, a political aide who cleaned up a non-political mess deserves either a gold star or a slap on the wrist.

Mike Patton took on extra duties last Thursday when he mopped up what he called a “poo apocalypse” in a downtown public library.

Thursday afternoon, a patron of the Ottawa Public Library opened the men’s bathroom door to discover a toilet seat and surrounding floor covered in feces.

“Clearly someone was not feeling well and had a bit of a diarrhea issue, and it was all over the seat and the floor and the toilet, in the stall area,” said Patton, who revisited the scene of the grime with CBC on Tuesday.’

`Migrant workers in south China are wearing adult diapers on packed trains heading home for the Lunar New Year holiday because they have no access to a toilet, state media said on Tuesday.

About 120 million peasants from China’s vast rural areas swarm the cities for work and all try to make it home for the holiday, filling all standing room on trains and making access to the toilet impossible during trips often lasting 24 hours or more.’

`Being that he’s been exiled to the garage and it’s winter, the lazy fuck absolutely refuses to leave the confines of the garage to do anything. This includes shitting. In fact, I think he actually pisses in his sleep and just lives with it. Maybe he likes that it keeps him a little warmer. Well, he does leave long enough to shit. And he shat all over the garage. Well, Kronix our roommate told my brother that he’d pay him $40 if he agreed to lick the cat shit in the garage. With $40 rounded up (thanks in part by Monkey and me pitching in) we were off to the garage to see the events as they unfolded.

Watch the video!’

I didn’t watch the video. The still pictures are disturbing enough.

`In February 1995, working in conjunction with nutritionists at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, I adopted a super fiber-rich diet which allowed me to successfully produce a single extruded excrement the exact length of my colon: 26 feet. I documented the extrusion at the Cranbrook-Kingswood High School Bowling Alley, Bloomfield Hills, MI, which offered a length of floor suitable for the process and measuring the results. The cathartic diet was supplemented by a high intake of Metamucil fiber substance. The weeklong endurance prior to the event was ensured by the employment of a plug specifically designed to curtail any premature excretions.’

`The Washington State Patrol says it happened when a truck driver had to brake suddenly about 25 miles north of Seattle. The trailer had only a cloth top and much of the waste sloshed out. It spilled over the cab and onto the southbound lanes.

Not only did it stink, but it took about five hours to vacuum it up. Traffic was rerouted.

A spokesman for the state Ecology Department advises anyone who drove through the stuff to go to a commercial car wash.’

`A man tried to sue the council after he soiled his own trousers, it emerged today.

He blamed the embarrassing accident on the council’s decision to close a public lavatory at a bus station, and claimed he was owed the cost of a new pair of trousers.

The bizarre claim was among thousands of public liability claims which cost local government and insurance firms an estimated £250 million per year.’

`Because diarrhea affects over 30 million Americans every day, and because I am one of them.

Because just like AIDS and breast cancer, diarrhea can only be conquered by self-righteous fashion accessories.

Because I thought “outside the bun” for lunch yesterday and had to make two separate stops on my way back to the office.

Because diarrhea doesn’t care whether you’re black, white, young, old, male, female, gay or totally gay.’

`The Perfect Revenge

Ship A Turd is the perfect way to get back at that know it all co-worker, that idiotic negative feedback leaving Ebayer, or that so called “friend” who you are just plain pissed off at.

The Raunchy Gag Gift

Ship A Turd is great for bachelor/bachelorette parties, draw a name gift occasions, or for whatever other need you may have that you think you should have a nasty, stinky ugly pile of turds for.’

Of all the things I’ve blogged, this is the only one that required me to hide part of the page with another window ’cause I couldn’t bear to look at the pictures long enough to copy and paste some text. Judge for yourself. 🙂

`Notice to Customers:

Discontinuation of Anal Sex Toys

9/27/2005

Effective immediately, we will cease lending anal sex toys to customers. This includes butt plugs, anal beads, anal probes, and dual-penetration dildos. If you currently have one of these types of rental toys, you may keep it without charge as a courtesy accommodation.

We have taken this step due to concerns raised by health officials about the possible spread of fecal-borne disease. Please note, we are confident that our patent-pending cleaning process is sufficient to sterilize toys, even after extensive inter-anal use, and no infections have been reported by our customers. However, we have decided to err on the side of caution by eliminating anal toys from our rental inventory.’