`Prof: If we were in Germany, and it were 25 years ago, and I were your teacher, this piece of chalk would have ended up somewhere much closer to you.
Guy: Then I’m glad we’re not in Germany.
Prof: And I am very unhappy I cannot throw chalk at you.’
`Prof: I like knives. Black people are good with knives. They get up close and go, “Wassup!”, and then you dead. That is why black people conquered the West. “Wassup!”’
`Prof: This is not a trick question: What is the internet?
Dude: A series of tubes?’
`Lab Tech: Ugh, everything I touch is sulfuric acid! I hate this lab.’
`Last March, the federal government set up a Web site to make public a vast archive of Iraqi documents captured during the war.
The Bush administration did so under pressure from congressional Republicans who said they hoped to “leverage the Internet” to find new evidence of the prewar dangers posed by Saddam Hussein.
But in recent weeks, the site has posted some documents that weapons experts say present a danger themselves: detailed accounts of Iraq’s secret nuclear research before the 1991 Persian Gulf War. The documents, the experts say, constitute a basic guide to building an atom bomb.’
`Wal-Mart is making life difficult for Oscar Brufani, a 52-year-old man who makes his living delivering potato chips in Buenos Aires. One of the corporation’s store managers thinks he looks like Osama bin Laden — and won’t let him come near her store.
“You can’t work here anymore. Orders from upstairs,” the store manager said when she finally arrived at the car park, Brufani remembers. He asked whether he had done anything wrong, and she told him no — the problem was his beard. “The controllers think you look like Osama bin Laden. If you appear on any of the images recorded by the security cameras, I’ll lose my job.”‘
`A woman accused of duct-taping her two children together and leaving them home alone has been charged with child abuse, the sheriff’s office said.
Agla Nadia Vincent, 25, was arrested Monday following a seven-month investigation into whether she left her two boys, then aged 2 and 3, taped to each other while she went to work, said Lt. Annie Smith of the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office. [..]
In March, a witness heard the children crying and called the police. When military police arrived, they found the children taped in a bedroom with feces and cereal scattered on play mats on the floor, investigators said.’
w K ERUIqxE`An ABC News undercover investigation showed Army recruiters telling students that the war in Iraq was over, in an effort to get them to enlist.
ABC News and New York affiliate WABC equipped students with hidden video cameras before they visited 10 Army recruitment offices in New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.
“Nobody is going over to Iraq anymore?” one student asks a recruiter.
“No, we’re bringing people back,” he replies.
“We’re not at war. War ended a long time ago,” another recruiter says.’
`A young woman’s rooftop suicide bid in Germany sparked a mass brawl between spectators encouraging the 21-year-old to jump and a group of homeless people trying to protect her, authorities said Tuesday. [..]
The homeless people were angered when some teenagers in the crowd of hundreds started yelling to the woman she should throw herself from the roof of the town hall of the southwestern town of Loerrach, said police spokesman Dietmar Ernst.
“The homeless people started shouting at the kids not to say that, using some strong language,” Ernst said. “Morally speaking though, the homeless people were in the right.”
A punch-up involving around 40 people then ensued, during which time police managed to coax the woman back indoors — three and a half hours after her ordeal began.’
NDa cRtD ee ff VBVSome guy is trying to get login information for a Valve account over a chat program. Luckily the guy saved the chat logs, ’cause they’re kinda funny. :)
`A man attempting to rob a fireworks shop fired his shotgun, igniting fireworks and starting a blaze that destroyed the business, authorities said.
No injuries were reported at North American Fireworks, the Vilas County Sheriff’s Department said in a statement Saturday. A 20-year-old man was being held in jail after being tracked to a home about 10 miles away.’
lUZojjZUSC oPA`Police say a Marshall County teen raped his mother to get revenge on his brother.
Police say 19-year-old Gary Helms, Jr., raped his 45-year-old mother this past weekend at Willow Terrace Trailer Park on Doyle Drive in Albertville.
It’s a twisted crime that police say Helms admits.
“From what we understand the rape stemmed from an argument between him and his brother. And apparently they were arguing over a girlfriend. And the rape was some sort of retaliation towards his brother,” said Sgt. Jamie Smith of the Albertville Police Department.’
‘Now, how many times does this happen in North America daily? we caught it on tape….while the driver should know better, look at the attendants directions. wonder if either of these two could find their ass with both hands??’
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`A Syracuse man faces DWI charges after police said he got into an accident with his 15-year-old son in the car. Stephen Bowman, 48, has been charged with driving while intoxicated and endangering the welfare of a child. [..]
The 15-year-old told police his father had been drinking beer at the game, and he had to slap his father repeatedly in the car to keep him awake.’
`A 17-year-old boy was sent to the hospital after he received a brutal beating, in the form of a new punishment called “curbing.”
Gavin Lyon, a senior at Bingham High School, was beaten last Friday night. Family and friends believe he was “curbed” – a violent maneuver where a person’s head is placed against a concrete curb on a street, and someone steps on the back of the head. In most cases, this procedure causes the jaw to break along with several teeth. [..]
Gavin sustained a broken jaw, several broken teeth, a fractured neck and his sinus cavity was crushed. Doctors have also placed a titanium plate inside of his head.’
`A methadone-addicted mother stopped for a cigarette while attempting to resuscitate her baby as instructions were relayed on the phone from a triple 0 operator, a Supreme Court jury was told yesterday.
The mother, who cannot be named, sobbed in the dock during a harrowing replay of the emergency call, made from the Londonderry home of Michelle Sava on January 16, last year.’
‘A high school principal has decreed that Captain Underpants has no place in an institution of learning.
Three 17-year-old girls were told to leave Long Beach High School on Wednesday after they showed up on Superhero Day costumed as the subject of the best-selling children’s books. [..]
The girls depicted this superhero — who has battled, among other things, talking toilets and the infamous Professor Poopypants — by wearing beige leotards and nude stockings under white briefs and red capes.
“Yes, I know they weren’t naked,” Restivo said. “But the appearance was that they were naked.”‘
A letter sent home by a crazy sounding teacher.
`A Boston film student trying to recreate an armed sequence from the film, “The Matrix,” instead created a full-blown terror response and faces charges.
Police received a 911 call about people dressed in camouflage and wearing masks on an apartment rooftop, pointing guns toward the street.
Alex Stinson, a 21-year-old student at the New England Institute of Art and three others were arrested and six other people were being sought, the Boston Globe said.’
‘A shopping cart that had been hoisted atop a supermarket flagpole by pranksters fell on a store employee and broke her neck.
The cart fell Saturday as the woman untied the rope to raise the flag, as she did every day when she went to work, police Lt. Lisa Perrine said Tuesday.
Shantie Marjal, 62, was hospitalized in serious condition. Police said she broke her neck and suffered serious head injuries but was not paralyzed.
Police Chief Bernard Melekian urged the pranksters to come forward.’
`A Perth man who injured his face by headbutting the road after crashing his car into a fence has been charged with drink-driving and kicking police. [..]
“The man was taken to Fremantle Hospital for treatment to facial injuries after he headbutted the bitumen of the road several times,” police said.’
lp SaYFxPH oR CmQM PxHkjpjP`A Framingham man angry that his ex-girlfriend removed him as a friend from her Myspace.com Web page, repeatedly bit, punched and then choked her on the weekend, police said.
Michael Magrath, 19, told police he did not punch the woman Saturday, but said he bit her and put his hands on her throat, but it was all in jest, police spokesman Lt. Paul Shastany said.
He also did not deny he destroyed her laptop computer, worth more than $2,000, Shastany said.’
RzItV CEveryone seems to be extremely excited for no good reason at all.
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`A lovesick 16-year-old girl crashed her car into an oncoming vehicle in a suicide attempt, counting down the moments before impact in text messages sent to the female classmate who spurned her, authorities say. The girl survived; a woman in the other car was killed.
The teenager, Louise Egan Brunstad, was charged Thursday with murder in the Oct. 4 wreck. [..]
Howard said it was unclear whether the classmate the messages were intended for responded to them or even read them, either as they were sent or afterward.’
CKhSF fslvA ZHZo`Two people were killed and seven seriously wounded in Uganda when an artillery round blew up as a man tried to melt it down for scrap metal, police said on Saturday.
Police cordoned off the area where the shell was found, searching for other munitions after the incident, which happened on Thursday in Amuria, a remote part of the once war-ravaged eastern Teso region.
“We understand this man picked up a shell and tried to melt it for scrap. He put it in the fire and it exploded,” Francis Agwoka, acting police chief for the region, told Reuters by telephone.’
`A parent attempting to record a middle school football game from the school’s roof was misidentified as a sniper, causing police to evacuate hundreds of people from the field.
James Kranz wanted to shoot video of his children playing on Saturday. But an officer spotted him climbing a ladder onto the school’s roof with what looked like a rifle, said police Sgt. Gregg Olsen.
“An officer saw a man on top of the roof, walking around, pacing back and forth,” Olsen said. “He was acting extremely suspicious.”
It turned out to be a lawn chair that Kranz had with him — not a gun.’
`A man let his four-year-old child steer his car at up to 150 kph before ploughing into a group of teenagers, killing six of them, a court has been told.
Thomas Graham Towle, 35, also stank of alcohol in the hours after the crash and had been cheating in his methadone program in the days before, prosecutor Jeremy Rapke QC told Mildura Magistrates’ Court. [..]
He is facing 17 charges including six of culpable driving causing death, over the alleged hit-and-run on February 18 in Cardross, near Mildura.’
‘It is bad for your blood pressure, knocks years off your life and is a strain on your heart. Now scientists have discovered that gaining weight lowers your intelligence. [..]
The researchers found that people with a Body Mass Index — a measure of body fat — of 20 or less could recall 56 per cent of words in a vocabulary test, while those who were obese, with a BMI of 30 or higher, could remember only 44 per cent.
The fatter subjects also showed a higher rate of cognitive decline when they were retested five years later: their recall dropped to 37.5 per cent, whereas those with a healthy weight retained their level of recall.’
`The scene: Fairbanks, Alaska, 1994. Congressman Don Young, already in office for 20 years, is on the stump preaching the virtues of Newt Gingrich’s Republican revolution to a group of high school students. Just look at all the wasteful things the federal government does with taxpayers’ money, he tells them. The National Endowment for the Arts, for example, funds art involving “people doing offensive things … things that are absolutely ridiculous.” One student asks, “Like what?”
“Buttfucking,” replies the great scourge of obscenity and instructor of youth.’
`Julia Wilson, a straight-A student at McClatchy High School, spends a lot of her free time on the networking website MySpace.
Until a few months ago the 14-year-old moderated her own group called “Let’s Stab Bush.”
That’s where Wilson posted a cartoon picture of President Bush which included the words “kill Bush” and showed him being stabbed in the hand.
She caught the attention of the Secret Service, which showed up on Wednesday to question her about the picture.
Two agents pulled her out of class and interviewed her for 15 minutes to see if she was really a threat to President Bush.’
‘”I didn’t even know he was in town,” Howards says. “He was walking through the area shaking hands. Initially, I walked past him. Then I said to myself, ‘I can’t in good conscience let this opportunity pass by.’ So I approached him, I got about two feet away, and I said in a very calm tone of voice, ‘Your policies in Iraq are reprehensible.’ And then I walked away.” [..]
But the Secret Service did not take kindly to his comment.”About ten minutes later, I came back through the mall with my eight-year-old son in tow,” Howards recalls, “and this Secret Service man came out of the shadows, and his exact words were, ‘Did you assault the Vice President�'”
Here’s how Howards says he responded: “No, but I did tell Mr. Cheney the way I felt about the war in Iraq, and if Mr. Cheney wants to be shielded from public criticism, he should avoid public places. If exercising my constitutional rights to free speech is against the law, then you should arrest me.”
Which is just what the agent, Virgil D. “Gus” Reichle Jr, proceeded to do.’
‘Two guys blindfold themselves and then square off in a boxing match.’
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l fc `A woman in Orange County, Fla., was injured when she ignited a fire while smoking a cigarette as she filled her car with gas, according to Local 6 News. [..]
Flames burned the gas pump and set her car on fire.
“The car is virtually ruined,” a fire official at the scene said. “(It happened) just by doing something stupid by smoking while fueling her car.”
Signs near the gas pump said “no smoking.”‘
