`I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:
I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.
These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it. [..]
They are size 34×34. I am no longer size 34×34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown – perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate – I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.’
‘A taxi driver in Denmark bit off the tip of a 48-year-old man’s finger in a brawl over how many people could fit in the cab, police said Monday.
The dispute started early Sunday morning, when a group of five men hailed a taxi in downtown Odense, a city in central Denmark.
Police said things got out of hand when the 37-year-old driver insisted he could only take four passengers. [..]’
You could easily fit five if two of them were midgets.
’11/28 13:38 COM [EMP#] WHAT A IDIOT…..I THINK HE IS ABUSING THE SYSTEM…BUT…WITH SO MANY CHANGES I TOLD HIM THAT NOMORE ECHANGES ON PRESELLS..[EMP NAME]’
There’s also the original forum post by the fellow that was called an idiot.
Good trick, that one. I bet his opponent never saw it coming.
This clip makes my friend Zac laugh hysterically. But, he’s a dud, so that doesn’t mean anything. :)
(350k MPEG)
The pilot of this Airbus 321 decided to go around for a second attempt. Can’t land a plane while it’s flying sideways.
It’s watching videos like this that makes me need two or three valium before I can even think about getting on a plane. :)
Mount a camera on the wing of your ultralight then fly it into a tree. Why not? :)
(3.8meg Windows Media)
see it here »
`Water supplies in Harbin , home to more than 3 million people, were cut off last night and will not resume “until further notice”. Schools have been closed whilst many residents are trying to leave the cities because city authorities have warned that pollution is threatening the water supply, which comes from the Songhua River.
An assessment by the Heilongjiang Provincial Environmental Protection Bureau found the river had been contaminated by chemicals released by a massive explosion at the Jilin Petroleum and Chemical Company plant in the city of Jilin on November 13. [..]
The November 13 explosion in the Jilin chemical plant released highly toxic substances, killing at least five people and forcing the evacuation of more than 10,000 nearby residents. It also contaminated the partially frozen Songhua River with benzene and phenyl, which can lead to hepatitis, urinary tract diseases and possibly cancer.’
Guy with a girly voice freaks out when they tow his car away.
(6.5meg Windows Media)
see it here »
‘A reporter cant keep a straight face after one of his guests turns out to have an unusual voice.’
(3.9meg Windows Media)
Update: now with subtitles.
see it here »
`A Melbourne resident has fought back against two armed intruders, killing one with a sword he seized from his attackers, police said.
A second intruder fled with cuts to his hands and legs after the attempted armed burglary in Melbourne’s south-east early today. [..]
Police said intruders – one of whom was armed with a handgun and the other with a sword – demanded money.
The male occupant was tied up when he arrived home, a police spokesman said.
But one of the occupants, a male aged in his 30s known as Johnny, fought back and grabbed one of his attacker’s weapons, police said.’
`A woman from Herold’s Bay who tried to help a female seal will have to get a new nose after the seal ripped the woman’s nose from her face.
Winnie Swanepoel, head of the SPCA in George, picked Elsie van Tonder’s nose up on the beach and rushed it to hospital, but it could not be surgically reattached to the 49-year-old’s face.’
‘McKinney Police Capt. Randy Roland said police had to set up a perimeter complete with police officers and a helicopter around 9 p.m. Saturday for a 911 call from a woman walking in the 3200 block of Hudson Crossing who said she thought she was being followed by a man dressed in black with a machete.
But it turned out to be a 13-year-old boy playing “Ninja” in a costume with a plastic sword.’
`A Swedish man who donated his sperm to a lesbian couple must pay child support for the three children he fathered, Sweden’s Supreme Court has ruled.
The man, now 39, donated his sperm to the couple in the early 1990s.
Three sons were born during the years 1992-1996, according to Swedish news agency TT, which reported the ruling.
The man told the court that he and the women had agreed that he would play no role in the boys’ child-rearing and that the two women would be their parents.
Nonetheless, the man signed a document confirming that he was the biological father of the children.
Shortly after he signed the document, the two women separated and the biological mother demanded that the man pay child support.’
‘Finally it’s official. The French DO smell.
After generations of jibes about hygiene over the Channel, a study yesterday revealed nine out of ten French people do NOT wash regularly.
That means that out of a population of 60.5million, more than 54million risk being whiffy.
Shockingly, 2.5million NEVER shower or bath while 1.8million NEVER brush their teeth.
The French do spend between 48 and 56 minutes in the bathroom each day – but much of that is applying cosmetics.’
`Copies of a movie aimed at a Mormon audience have been pulled from store shelves after a recording mix-up left buyers watching “Adored: Diary of a Porn Star” instead of the squeaky clean “Sons of Provo.”
Two Utah families caught the problem after purchasing DVDs at Deseret Book stores, which are owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. [..]
The PG-rated “Sons of Provo” chronicles the life of an LDS boy band, Everclean, on its relative journey to stardom.
“Adored: Diary of a Porn Star” is an unrated independent film that is not pornographic, said Corey Eubanks, spokesman for Wolfe Video, the largest distributor of films featuring gay and lesbian characters and stories. However, the film does contain sexual situations and its subject is the life of a gay porn star.
“It’s a very heartwarming film about a porn star that reconnects with his family,” Eubanks said. “It’s not a porn film at all. It’s just about someone who is a porn actor.”‘
`Vitaly Matyukhin is an Arkhangelsk resident who has not seen the sun for fifteen years. Neighbors shun his household, while his little son cannot understand why he always have to wrap up in warm clothes before seeing his dad.
Suffering a rare disorder — he cannot stand the heat and sunlight — Matyukhin has been confined to a self-built giant fridge for over 15 years now, the Moskovsky Komsomolets daily reported on Friday. [..]
The man is suffering a rare heat exchange disorder and cannot stand temperatures over 5 degrees Celsius. For nearly fifteen years no, Matyukhin has been living in a fridge.
Born in Krasnodar in Russian South, Matyukhin graduated from a construction college. One fine day, the youth suffered a sunstroke that triggered all his woes.’
‘Dude, it doesnt matter how late you are you would probably be better off showering at home.’
(2.2meg .wmv)
see it here »
`A Christchurch beneficiary has complained to the State Services Commission after her Work and Income case manager allegedly left an obscenity on her voicemail.
Sickness beneficiary Andrea Metcalfe claims her case manager ended a message on her answerphone about her next appointment by calling her a “cunt”.
Work and Income has investigated and exonerated the case manager, saying the words she used were: “Thanks, ta.”
Social Development Ministry chief executive Peter Hughes blamed the New Zealand accent and audio “drop out” on its phone network for the confusion.
“The ministry’s phone system, while cutting edge, does experience drop outs,” he said. “This, coupled with a Kiwi accent, can result in words being swallowed. We believe what has been recorded is the hitting of the K and T.”‘
`Dr. Chopp is board certified by the American Board of Urology and joined The Urology Team in 1983. He attended medical school at The University of Minnesota. His internship and residency were both at the University of Southern California, where he served in various capacities, including adult service, general urology, and renal service. [..]
Dr. Richard (Dick) Chopp is well known in the Austin community for performing Vasectomies. [..]’
Dick Chopp. Get it? Ha ha.
[shrug] :)
Funnily enough, this one might just pass as safe for work because there’s really nothing in it that is both obscene and large enough to be visible. :)
(3.7meg Windows media)
see it here »
‘These kids decide to pee down a slide in the middle of the night at a park. After they finish the one guy thinks he can still safely walk down the slide but he is wrong.’
(3.3meg Windows media)
see it here »
`The documents and photographs confirm that Jean Charles was not carrying any bags, and was wearing a denim jacket, not a bulky winter coat, as had previously been claimed.
He was behaving normally, and did not vault the barriers, even stopping to pick up a free newspaper.
He started running when we saw a tube at the platform. Police had agreed they would shoot a suspect if he ran.
A document describes CCTV footage, which shows Mr de Menezes entered Stockwell station at a “normal walking pace” and descended slowly on an escalator.’
Some guy: That’s not a good idea. You should take it out of your pocket.
Some guy with a gun in his pocket: It’s alright dude.
Some guy: I’m serious.
Some guy with a gun in his pocket: Aargh!
(1.2meg Windows media)
see it here »
‘A British TV prankster squirts water from a fake microphone into Tom’s face while he gives an interview on the red carpet. To his credit, Tom remains incredibly restrained.’
see it here »
`A Romanian traffic cop has been demoted after he fined a driver for “having a face like a moron and being a big monkey”. [..]
Head of the Romanian police Dan Fatuloiu said Vlasceanu, who claimed he had handed out the fine as a joke, had been demoted for “inappropriate behaviour and defaming the police force”.
He has now been given a desk job in a remote village.’
`The Newark man who was mistakenly accused of cannibalism is suing a doctor and the Newark and Parsippany police departments.
Victor Salazar and his wife said they suffered embarrassment and needed counseling after an X-ray at Immediate Medical Care Center in Parsippany last year raised questions about his diet.
When a doctor asked if he had eaten any bones, Salazar forgot about the soup he had the day before that included pieces of chicken feet.
Radiologists and the Morris County medical examiner wondered if the film showed bits of finger bones, so police began an investigation.’
‘The waters comin’ through me fucken ceiling, you fucken arseholes!’
see it here »
`The picture of a lesbian student dressed in a tuxedo will not be permitted in her school’s yearbook, the Clay County school officials decided.
Principal Sam Ward of Fleming Island High School made the initial decision to pull Kelli Davis’s picture from the yearbook, saying he did so because Davis, who is openly gay, was dressed in boy’s clothes. [..]
Fifteen of the 24 people who spoke at the meeting were in favor of Davis and nine supported the principal’s decision.’
`The bell certainly didn’t save two suspects in the case of a missing assault rifle.
A ringing cell phone was the downfall of the men, who insisted they had no knowledge of an AK-47 used in an October shooting. They continued to stand by their story under questioning.
Then their cell phones chimed in. As Detective Kevin Doran tried to silence the rings, he noticed one had interesting wallpaper – a picture of one of the suspects holding an AK-47.
“A picture truly is worth a thousand words,” said Capt. Joe Fair, the vice squad’s commander.’
