moonbuggy

‘Vampire Killing Kit

The accoutrements for the destruction of the Vampire

This box contains the items considered necessary for the protection of persons who travel into certain little known countries in Easter Europe where the populace are plagued with a peculiar manifestation of evil, known as Vampires… Professor Ernst Blomberg respectfully requests that the purchaser of this kit carefully studies his book. Should evil manifestations become apparent, he is then equiped to deal with them efficiently… Professor Blomberg wishes to announce his grateful thanks to that well known gunmaker of Liege, Nicholas Plombeur, whose help in compiling of the special items, the silver bullets,etc., has been most efficient. The items enclosed are as follows…

1. An efficient pistol with its usual accoutrements
2. A quantity of bullets of the finest silver
3. Powdered flowers of garlic (one phial)
4. Flour of Brimstone (one phial)
5. Wooden stake (Oak)
6. Ivory crucifix
7. Holy Water (one phial)
8. Professer Blomberg’s New Serum’

‘”Beware of Israeli melons infected with AIDS arriving in Saudi Arabia!” is the latest rumor being spread throughout Saudi Arabia like a wildfire.

An SMS message being sent around the country this week said, “The Saudi Interior Ministry warns its citizens of a truck loaded with AIDS infected melons that Israel brought into the country via a ‘ground corridor.'” [..]

The rumor, despite being denied several times, has gained so much steam in the Arab world that it made it to the front page of one of the most important Arabi language newspapers.

Many received an SMS supposedly from the Saudi Interior Ministry saying, “Please forward quickly.”‘

‘The stars of a major Live 8-style concert to raise awareness of climate change have been condemned as hypocrites for failing to lead environmentally friendly lives themselves. [..]

“Madonna’s Confessions tour produced 440 tonnes of CO2 in four months of last year. And that was just the flights between the countries, not taking into account the truckloads of equipment needed, the power to stage such a show and the transport of all the thousands of fans getting to the gigs.

“The Red Hot Chili Peppers produced 220 tonnes of CO2 with their private jet alone over six months on their last world tour which was 42 dates.

“The average a British person produces is 10 tonnes a year,” said John Buckley, managing director-of CarbonFootprint.com.’

‘A gunman robbing a convenience store allowed the clerk to call 911 and apologized after the woman said she might be having a heart attack. But he still took $30 and cigarettes, authorities said. [..]

She started hyperventilating and pleaded with the gunman for help.

“I have heart trouble. Help me,” Parker said.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” the gunman replied.

“I have heart trouble,” Parker told him.

“Ma’am, it’s going to be all right,” the gunman said.

“I’m probably going to have a heart attack,” Parker said.

“Oh my, ma’am, please do not have a heart attack. Please do not have a heart attack. Please don’t, ma’am,” he said.’

This is more brilliance from Bill Dance, who you may remember from: Bill Dance Fishing Illustrated

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‘A young Argentine zookeeper who worked on a giant anteater conservation project died on Thursday after she was attacked by an anteater who mauled her abdomen and legs with its sharp front claws.

“Her injuries were very serious and when she was admitted she was already in critical condition,” Jose Potito, director of the hospital, told Reuters.

Potito said Melisa Casco, 19, died after an operation to amputate one of her legs. [..]

Anteaters, which can measure up to 9.2 feet long and weigh as much as 110 pounds (50 kg), are native to Latin America and have toothless snouts.

They are usually not aggressive, but their long, knife-like claws can do serious damage to predators when they defend themselves.’

‘Women might soon be able to produce sperm in a development that could allow lesbian couples to have their own biological daughters, according to a pioneering study published today.

Scientists are seeking ethical permission to produce synthetic sperm cells from a woman’s bone marrow tissue after showing that it possible to produce rudimentary sperm cells from male bone-marrow tissue.

The researchers said they had already produced early sperm cells from bone-marrow tissue taken from men. They believe the findings show that it may be possible to restore fertility to men who cannot naturally produce their own sperm.’

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‘A sidescroller with a difference. In IndestructoTank, your only weapon against the enemy is yourself – launch yourself at the enemy in this nice little physics based game. Hope you have fun!’

‘A team of researchers led by professor Hideo Hono of the Tokyo Institute of Technology has developed a new type of alumina cement that conducts electricity like metal by altering the crystal structure at the nano level.

Ordinary alumina cement made from a lime-alumina compound (C12A7) has a crystal structure consisting of asymmetric cages, making it a poor conductor of electricity. But by sealing the alumina cement compound along with titanium inside a glass tube and heating it to 1,100 degrees Celsius, the researchers were able to create a homogenized, symmetrical cage structure that conducts electricity like metal.’

An excerpt of a recent conversation I had:

Anon says: Downloaded over a gig of porn last night on [friend]’s 500mb/month wireless internet quota and [the ISP seems] to think I downloaded 80mb…. they also seem to have credited her account $300…

Anon says: I should download porn more often. :)

moonbuggy says: That’s a bit crazy. You musta downloaded so much pr0n you broke them. :)

Anon says: Was only a few days into the quota too…

Anon says: Bloody pornfest 07

Anon says: Yeah… is quite strange..

moonbuggy says: [grin] She gonna be annoyed? :)

Anon says: Nah…

Anon says: What… that I wanked hard, downloaded shitloads of porn and made her $300?

Anon says: Would you be mad?

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Yer (grand-)momma looks good. No wonder the sailors are so fond of her.

(1.8meg Windows media)

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‘A British dentist was found guilty on Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears.

A medical tribunal said it was satisfied the evidence showed 51-year-old Alan Hutchinson, who “routinely” did not wear gloves or wash his hands, had risked the health of “himself, staff and patients” for more than 28 years.

A dental nurse who worked for Hutchinson for 16 years said she had caught him urinating in the sink more than once.’

‘A teenager in Fayette County died after a very unusual accident.

Police say 18-year-old Brandon Buster was a passenger in a car Sunday.

Officials say Buster felt ill and was leaning out the car door to vomit, when he hit a mailbox.

The car was going about 15 miles per hour at the time because the driver was slowing down to let Buster out.

Buster was pronounced dead at Piedmont-Fayette hospital.

Police say their investigation will continue.

No charges have been filed.’

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‘A St. Louis legislator wants to require that baking soda be sold behind the pharmacy counter, as part of an effort aimed at a base ingredient in crack cocaine.

The proposal by Democratic Representative Talibdin El-Amin is modeled after a state law that requires some cold medicines to be placed behind the pharmacy counter because they contain ingredients used to make meth.

The anti-meth law requires customers to show a photo I-D and sign a book specifying their name, address and how much they purchased.

El-Amin’s bill would implement similar requirements for the purchase of sodium bicarbonate, otherwise known as baking soda. The measure was filed last month and has yet to receive a hearing.’

‘Hundreds of girls at a Mexican boarding school run by Catholic nuns have been struck by a mystery illness that authorities say is psychological, raising questions about conditions inside the academy.

Headmistress Margie Cheong, a nun from South Korea, said on Friday it was unclear what had caused the symptoms, which include difficulty walking and nausea.

“We really don’t know the cause, but the diagnosis by health authorities is of a psychological ailment,” Cheong said.

Some 600 of the 4,000 girls at the Villa de las Ninas school had been affected, she said, and 300 children had left the school, which offers a free secondary education to children from poor families. [..]

Some of the students have complained of overstrict disciplinary measures like being sent to sleep in an enclosure that houses sheep.’

‘A Northwest Airlines flight to Detroit from Las Vegas was cancelled because the pilot was yelling obscenities during a cellphone conversation while people were boarding, and cursed one passenger, a federal official said Saturday.

The pilot was apparently in a heated cellphone conversation in the cockpit, then went into a lavatory, locked the door and continued the conversation, Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Ian Gregor said Saturday.

“Passengers who were boarding the aircraft could hear his end of it,” Gregor said.

Las Vegas police were sent Friday to McCarran International Airport to investigate, Gregor said. Authorities were told that the pilot cursed one passenger who confronted him, Gregor said.’

‘Watch as the crane hits some power lines and eventually falls over because of the weight of what it was moving.’

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‘Staffing was so inadequate at a California senior center that a rat crawled into an Alzheimer’s patient’s mouth and died there before staff noticed, a lawsuit claims. [..]

“The facility so literally ignored the needs of their residents … as to allow vermin in the form of a rat to become lodged in the mouth of Sigmund Bock and die therein,” the lawsuit alleges.

Melody Chatelle, a spokeswoman for Sunwest Management Inc., the Oregon-based company that operates Paragon, denied the allegations.

“We take care of our residents, and find this negative publicity to be a disheartening affront to our professional caregivers and most especially to our residents and their loved ones,” she said.’

‘It’s 11:30 at night; the kids are on the floor of a yellow school bus that’s parked not in Manhattan but a desolate lot in Williamsburg; and everyone on the bus, including the storyteller, is in high school. Oh, one more thing: they’re all on 5-methoxy-N N-diisopropyltryptamine, better known as the club drug Foxy.

Every two weeks, in some forsaken corner of the city, New York’s privileged teenagers go to “Sindergarten,” a traveling party for 17-year olds who, for a few carefree hours, want to feel like they’re five again. Nursery school-style accessories—snacks, children’s music, storybooks, finger-paints—are supplemented with multiple doses of Foxy methoxy, a hallucinogen similar to Ecstasy said to facilitate a childlike sense of wonder with the world.’

Tryptamines rarely make the news.

‘On March 23, an 11-year-old girl woke up in the middle of the night to find a long pole sticking through her bedroom window.

The pole had a hook on the end and the hook was pulling the comforter off her bed.

Naturally, the girl screamed. Then she ran to get her mother, according to the Citrus County Sheriff’s Office.

Authorities searched the neighborhood in the town of Hernando looking for Peeping Toms and checking up on neighborhood sex offenders, but found no suspect.

But deputies did find semen on the outside of the girl’s house, just below her window, according to the Sheriff’s Office.’

‘A Chinese woman survived a plunge from a sixth-floor balcony thanks to a convenient pile of excrement which broke her fall, local media said.

The accident happened when the woman was hanging out laundry on Monday in Nanjing, capital of the eastern province of Jiangsu, the Kuaibao tabloid said on its Web site (www.kuaibao.net).

“Workers happened to be emptying the building’s septic tank, which had not been tended for a long time and had regularly blocked sewage pipes,” the newspaper said.

“She probably stretched out too far and fell … right on to a 20 cm-thick heap of excrement.”‘

‘Nine young adults face criminal charges Wednesday night after breaking into a group of buildings owned by video game mogul Richard Garriott.

The suspects were identified because of pictures on a digital camera that was left at the crime scene.’

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‘The Big Brother nightmare of George Orwell’s 1984 has become a reality – in the shadow of the author’s former London home. [..]

According to the latest studies, Britain has a staggering 4.2million CCTV cameras – one for every 14 people in the country – and 20 per cent of cameras globally. It has been calculated that each person is caught on camera an average of 300 times daily.

Use of spy cameras in modern-day Britain is now a chilling mirror image of Orwell’s fictional world, created in the post-war Forties in a fourth-floor flat overlooking Canonbury Square in Islington, North London.

On the wall outside his former residence – flat number 27B – where Orwell lived until his death in 1950, an historical plaque commemorates the anti-authoritarian author. And within 200 yards of the flat, there are 32 CCTV cameras, scanning every move.’

‘You’ve heard the legend: Cue up Dark Side of the Moon and The Wizard of Oz, and trippiness ensues. Now we’ve set it up so you can judge for yourself.

Watch the four creepiest sync-ups, right now!’

I like number 3.

‘A tour guide in southwest China stabbed 20 tourists and locals in an attack blamed on a row over kickbacks from souvenir shops and possibly linked to an unhappy childhood, Xinhua news agency said on Tuesday.

Xu Minchao, 25, was leading 40 tourists through Lijiang, a World Heritage-listed tourist destination in mountainous Yunnan province, on Sunday when he suddenly ran into a souvenir shop and demanded a knife, Xinhua said.

“Not realising the man was ready to kill, a girl in the shop gave him one and was stabbed immediately in the arm,” Xinhua said.’

‘More than 4,000 clubbers danced through the rush hour at Victoria station in Britain’s biggest flash mob stunt.

Revellers responded to e-bulletins urging them to “dance like you’ve never danced before” at 6.53pm.

There were knowing looks and giggles among the casually dressed crowd that gathered from 6.30pm, wearing earphones.

A deafening 10-second countdown startled station staff and commuters before the concourse erupted in whoops and cheers. MP3 players and iPods emerged and the crowd danced wildly to their soundtracks in silence – for two hours.’

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