`Once upon a time, I was a coder not unlike yourself. My day consisted of coffee, perl and java hacking, meetings, and e-mail. I had a cubicle with fluorescent lighting, my own bookshelf and two computers. And I traded it all in.
Even before Office Space, white collar workers peered out the window (if they were so lucky) and imagined a more romantic life doing real work out under the sun.
Well, having no children, no great career ambition and no financial obligations more pressing than a crippling student loan, a year and a half ago, I decided to live this dream.
I became a bicycle messenger and now I’m here to report back.’
`The following may or may not be true, and is based on hearsay, rumor, and gossip–most of it from relatively reliable sources, some from more dubious ones, and some based on my own suppositions. I have tried to make this list as accurate as possible, but in some/many cases I wasn’t able to verify rumors. I have not put anything here that I know to be untrue.’
`The study, which has caught the attention of millions of Muslims worldwide, is based on in-depth interpretations of various verses in the Koran. It predicts that the US will be hit by a tsunami larger than that which recently struck southeast Asia.
“The tsunami waves are a minor rehearsal in comparison with what awaits the US in 2007,” the researcher concluded in his study. “The Holy Koran warns against the Omnipotent Allah’s force. A great sin will cause a huge flood in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.”‘
`The highest-ranking US general in Iraq authorised the use of interrogation techniques that included sleep manipulation, stress positions and the use of dogs to “exploit Arab fears” of them, it emerged today.
A memo signed by Lieutenant General Ricardo Sanchez authorised 29 interrogation techniques, including 12 that exceeded limits in the army’s own field manual and four that it admitted risked falling foul of international law, the Geneva conventions or accepted standards on the humane treatment of prisoners.
The memo, dated September 14 2003, also stated that the Iraq interrogation policy was modelled on the one used at Guantánamo Bay “but modified for applicability to a theater [sic] of war in which the Geneva conventions apply”.’
`Back when I was dating Asian Super Slut, we had a lot of great sex – great sex for me, I should say. ASS had been pleasing me for months, and I had been completely failing at taking care of her needs. Being the dutiful boyfriend, I thought it would be a nice gesture to somehow turn this around. As you all know, succeeding in getting a woman off is a difficult job. But let me be honest… it is especially difficult when your big toe is longer than your penis. I was smart enough to realize that it was folly to depend on Mr. Winky to get the job done, so I decided to try out my skills as a Cunning Linguist.’
`The parents of Terri Schiavo have authorized a conservative direct-mailing firm to sell a list of their financial supporters, making it likely that thousands of strangers moved by her plight will receive a steady stream of solicitations from anti-abortion and conservative groups.
“These compassionate pro-lifers donated toward Bob Schindler’s legal battle to keep Terri’s estranged husband from removing the feeding tube from Terri,” says a description of the list on the Web site of the firm, Response Unlimited, which is asking $150 a month for 6,000 names and $500 a month for 4,000 e-mail addresses of people who responded last month to an e-mail plea from Ms. Schiavo’s father. “These individuals are passionate about the way they value human life, adamantly oppose euthanasia and are pro-life in every sense of the word!”‘
`Here’s a note from your parents. It says, “Let’s play hide and seek for thirty-five years.”‘
`Michael Jackson has been crowned the US’s most foolish person for the third consecutive year, snatching the dishonour from the likes of President George W. Bush and society heiress Paris Hilton.
Eighty per cent of 1030 people who took part in an annual April Fool’s Day survey felt that Jackson, on trial for molesting a 13-year-old boy, deserved the top spot on this year’s list, which also featured his bra-popping sister Janet Jackson and convicted domestic diva Martha Stewart.’
`1. Hold your face a few inches from the screen.
2. Concentrate on the star in the center.
3. The image will start to become blurry.
4. Wait for the illusion to appear.’
`For those that love to worship feet! Kaylani’s foot has long slender toes with ruby red nails. The best part is that it has a tight ribbed pussy in the heel of the shoe.’
`The table is derived from the National Safety Council’s data on accidents. There are four columns:
Column 1: Manner of injury
Column 2: Total number of deaths nationwide due to the manner of injury for the year 2000
Column 3: Odds of dying in one year due to the manner of injury [i.e. 1 in 46,901 chance of dying as a Pedestrian]
Column 4: Odds of dying over the course of a lifetime due to the manner of injury [i.e. 1 in 610 chance of dying as a Pedestrian]’
`Type in your name and wait for the web page to load’
`As the prostitute entered the room, the full horror for him of discovering his daughter’s occupation hit him. The father began feeling chest pains which may have been a mild heart attack.
He then cut short his stay in Eilat, and on his return home told his distraught wife the truth of what had happened.
She has vowed to track down her daughter and find a more suitable job for her.
However, her forgiveness has not extended to her husband and she has made it clear she wishes to divorce him.’
`In retrospect, this magazine’s coverage of socalled evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it.
Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence.’
`a great trick to do on your background image’
`An Ohio teen was severely traumatized after discovering the stars of a downloaded porno flick were none other than his own parents.
Timmy Shannon, 17, recalls the moment that scarred him for life. “I was like five minutes into this porno called Horny House Wives 4, when I thought to myself, ‘Hey, that couch looks exactly like the one I’m sitting on. Oh crap, it is!’ I remember the horror overcoming me when I realized the woman bent over that couch was my mother, and the guy giving it to her was my father. I instantly pulled my pants back up and vomited.”‘
All the style and class of the 70’s, straight to your screen.
`German electronics company Kleinhenz is shipping a network-enabled Linux system barely larger than a standard RJ-45 Ethernet jack. “Picotux” is based on the DigiConnect ME module from NetSilicon, along with a 2.4.27 uClinux port that was probably developed by German embedded system specialist FS Forth Systeme.’
`Experimenters burst water balloons in the low-gravity environment produced aboard a NASA Glenn DC-9 aircraft.
The tests were conducted in part to develop the ability to rapidly deploy large liquid drops by rupturing an enclosing membrane. As can be seen from the experiment footage, the initial rupture process is nearly ideal, but the finite size of the balloon material eventually ejects a spray from the drop surface. Then, when the balloon material leaves the drop entirely, it causes a large deformation of the drop (blob) which oscillates throughout the remainder of the test. Calculations suggest that such oscillations will continue for hours before the drop eventually becomes spherical. Highspeed photographs of punctured Water Balloons in a Lab were also taken.’
`Billy Idol has decided to rebel against the ageing process by shaving off his grey pubic hair.
Idol, who has been bleaching the hair on his head for decades, has now resorted to a new tactic to combat unwanted colour on his hair down below.
The 49-year-old rocker told Maxim magazine: “I shaved my balls – they were going grey, I so I shaved them. It’s like steel wool down there!”‘
`A state trooper was suspended for 15 days without pay after he was recorded on a 911 tape saying “too bad” to a caller seeking help for a man injured in a motorcycle accident.
State police said the dismissive answer by Trooper Robert Peasley did not affect the response time to the accident involving Justin Sawyer, 21, who died of a severe head injury a week after the crash last August. Peasley was suspended on Monday.
Russell Shepard, a friend of Sawyer’s, called 911, which was routed to the state police barracks in Montville. When he reported the accident, Peasley said, “Yeah … too bad,” and hung up, according to a tape obtained by WTNH-TV.’
`Scented candles are available in just about any fragrance from blueberry to ocean mist.
Now, there’s a candle that lets you experience the scent of Jesus.
That’s right. And they’ve been selling out by the case.
Makers of the candle called “His Essence” say you’ll experience the fragrance of Christ.
Bob and Karen Tosterud say it’s right in the Bible, that Jesus’ garments had the scent of myrrh, aloe and cassia.’
