‘Most parents like to pull out all the stops to make a child’s 16th birthday as memorable as possible.
But having a female stripper surprise your son in front of his teacher in class would not feature on many wish-lists.
Yet that’s what happened when one woman booked a special performer for her son’s big day.
She stipulated that the surprise take place in drama class – and even asked the teacher to film it so the family could see the boy’s reaction.
But – thanks to what has been put down as a booking error – a female stripper turned up in place of the gorilla-suited man the unnamed mother had apparently asked for.
The stripper, who arrived on cue halfway through the lesson, first walked the birthday boy around the classroom on all fours.
Then, gyrating to the sounds of Britney Spears, she spanked him before stripping down to her bra and knickers and insisting the “naughty” schoolboy rub cream all over her body. [..]
“To be fair to the teacher, you could tell she was just stunned – and when the cream came out she told the stripper: ‘That’s it. That’s enough’.”‘
This is just a bizarre situation. Seizures? WTF?
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‘Mark O’Dwyer owes his life to a 14-year-old punk rocker and an edgy television science program.
The 54-year-old was waiting at Lisarow train station on the Central Coast at 2.45pm on October 19 when he fainted and toppled two metres from the platform onto the tracks below, as a freight train bore down on the station.
Julian Shaw, who is 180 centimetres tall and weighs 70 kilograms, was travelling home from school with classmates when he saw Mr O’Dwyer, who is 187 centimetres tall and weighs 110 kilograms, fall. Julian leapt into action. [..]
“[As the train roared past] the noise pierced your ears and there was a suction that pulled us in,” Julian said.
“I’d seen that on MythBusters, so I stayed right back and pulled Mark back towards me.”‘
‘A definite integral walks [in] and orders 10 shots of whiskey. “You sure about that, buddy?” “Yeah, I know my limits.” [..]
sin(x) walks into a bar and asks for drink. The barman declines: “We don’t cater for functions.” [..]
A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” “For you? No charge.”‘
‘Construction on a cooling system for the world’s biggest science experiment that produces temperatures colder than outer space was completed today.
The mammoth chill factory can generate temperatures as low as 1.9 degrees above absolute zero (-456 degrees Fahrenheit) for the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a circular particle smasher 17 miles (27 kilometers) wide that is being built at the CERN physics laboratory near Geneva, Switzerland.
The cooling system uses more than 10,000 tons of liquid nitrogen and 130 tons of liquid helium.’
‘The San Rossore train station on the edge of Pisa, Italy, is a lonely stop. Tourists who visit this city to see its famous leaning tower generally use the central station across town. But San Rossore is about to be recognized as one of the country’s most significant archeological digs. For nearly a decade archeologists have been working near and under the tracks to unearth what is nothing short of a maritime Pompeii.
So far the excavation has turned up 39 ancient shipwrecks buried under nine centuries of silt, which preserved extraordinary artifacts. The copper nails and ancient wood are still intact, and in many cases cargo is still sealed in the original terra cotta amphorae, the jars used for shipment in the ancient world. They have also found a cask of the ancient Roman fish condiment known as garum and many mariners’ skeletons—one crushed under the weight of a capsized ship. One ship carried scores of pork shoulder hams; another carried a live lion, likely en route from Africa to the gladiator fights in Rome.’
Tigers are funny animals. :)
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‘Residents in a Blackwood street are kicking up a stink about litres of raw sewage flowing past their homes.
People living in Edward Street are furious that effluent is being forced out of storm drains on a daily basis and running along the length of their street.
They say waste including faeces, toilet paper, used condoms and sanitary towels is being washed up just yards from their front doors, causing a terrible stench and stopping children playing in the street. [..]
Caerphilly council environmental health officers have been monitoring the situation and keeping in touch with Welsh Water.’
‘Organizers for the 2008 Olympics in China have released their list of items banned from the Olympic village where the athletes will stay.
Among the “prohibited objects” — Bibles.
The Catholic News Agency reports that the committee behind the Beijing games cited “security reasons” for the ban.
Athletes are also prohibited from bearing any kind of religious symbol at Olympic facilities.’
‘A tourism student who twice had to walk barefoot in a Sri Lankan rainforest is suing a college, claiming his health was damaged by leeches.
James Sheridan, 50, said people on the field trip were made to remove their footwear because villagers considered the Unesco world heritage sites sacred. [..]
The court heard claims that Mr Sheridan, of Townhill, Swansea, was so weak after returning home that he could “only eat corned beef and lettuce for months”.
Mr Sheridan claimed he had suffered from malaria-like feverishness, sleeplessness, excessive sweating and lethargy in the six years since the trip, paid for with European funding as part of a tourism and leisure management MSc degree course.’
‘Duct tape thin fishing line at around head height and watch your unsuspecting roommates make fools of themselves.’
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‘It was supposed to be 14 feet high and topped with razor wire. It was also supposed to send a message to Washington that if the government wouldn’t seal off the southern border, volunteers could.
Almost two years later, the reality is a five-strand barbed-wire barrier that ranchers dismiss as a mere cattle fence. [..]
On the Minuteman Web site and in e-mails to members, Simcox asked for donations while making big promises, including a vow to build a fence along the border. It was not just any fence; it was to be 2,000 miles of state-of-the-art fencing at a cost of $55 million.
Simcox described it as “our high-tech, double-layered gauntlet of deterrent.”
The fence was described on the Minuteman Web site as 14 feet high, with security cameras and sensors, topped with razor wire and flanked by ditches to stop vehicles. Simcox referred to it as an “Israeli-style” fence, similar to the barrier Israel has erected to keep Palestinians from crossing from the West Bank.’
‘A man is facing drug charges after he allegedly walked into the Danbury police station puffing on a marijuana-filled cigar.
Capt. Robert Myles says Scott Snow walked into the station early Saturday and blew smoke from his cigar into a small opening in the bullet-resistant glass separating desk officers from the public.
Myles says the 24-year-old man was told there’s no smoking inside the building and he allegedly stubbed out the cigar on the counter.
Officers came out and smelled the distinctive odor of marijuana and arrested Snow.’
‘A teenage gunman who killed eight people in a high school rampage before turning the weapon on himself has died in hospital.
Seven students and the school principal died when 18-year-old student Pekka-Eric Auvinen opened fire at a school in southern Finland yesterday, hours after he posted a video on YouTube foreshadowing the massacre.
Witnesses said Auvinen walked through the corridors of Jokela High School firing into classroom after classroom with a .22-caliber handgun.
Police said Auvinen came from “a very normal family”. [..]
The YouTube video, set to a hard-driving song called Stray Bullet by the industrial rock band KMFDM, shows a still photo of a low building that appears to be Jokela High School.’
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He may have good dexterity in his fingers, but he appears to be some sort of idiot regardless. :)
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‘Two-photon (2-P) microscopy offers several advantages for biological imaging – in particular for non-injurious imaging of dynamic cell behaviors deep within intact tissues, organs and even the living animal [Cahalan et. al., 2003, Stutzmann et al., 2005]. However, its widespread adoption for such applications has been hindered by two factors: commercial 2-P microscopes are very expensive, and they typically acquire images at frame rates too slow to resolve many biological processes. Both of these problems may be circumvented by building your own 2-P microscope!
[..] The object of this web page is to gather together all the information you should need to build your own 2-P microscope.’
‘Two students at Southern Illinois University in this St. Louis suburb kidnapped, paddled and burned a young man with freshly baked cookies after a drug deal went bad, prosecutors said. [..]
Sheriff’s Capt. Brad Wells said that Friday night, three men went to James’ house to buy marijuana, but two of them grabbed the drugs and fled, leaving the third behind. The suspects held that man, who is in his late teens, and told him he needed to find $400 for the drugs, Wells said.
The suspects beat the man with a wooden paddle, burned his neck and shoulders with cookies immediately after taking them from the oven, shaved off some of his hair and poured urine over him from a soda bottle, Wells said.’
‘A Scottish woman has avoided a prison sentence after she admitted putting dog excrement in her husband’s curry.
Jill Martin, 47, took drastic action after her marriage broke down and burst out laughing when her husband Donald started eating the dish at their home in Newton Mearns, Glasgow, Paisley Sheriff Court in central Scotland heard.
She admitted culpable and reckless conduct in May following the incident in March.
But Sheriff Susan Sinclair said that she would not send her to jail because her circumstances are “quite different” than at the time of the attack. She was discharged without punishment.’
Followup to Wife put excrement in man’s curry.
‘When 80-year-old Thomas Ward, a former city councilman and retired Baltimore Circuit Court judge, heard someone hollering “Police! Police!” while he took a walk the other day near his home in Bolton Hill, he didn’t flinch.
Glancing across the street, Ward said, he saw a man trying to get out of a fenced yard behind a house on West Lafayette Avenue.
“I know the people in that house,” the judge said. “It wasn’t his.”
As the man – about 6 feet tall and burly, and much younger than Ward – began clambering over the 8-foot fence, Ward recalls running up to him and saying, “Come on, baby, you’re all mine.”‘
‘A fourth grade Oakville student has been expelled from a Waterbury school for bringing a toy gnu onto the property. The action falls under the school district’s ‘zero tolerance’ policy, according to administrators. Officials believe the student, who is dyslexic, tried to intentionally break the policy.
“We’re convinced he intended to bring a toy gun.” said Meredith Simmons, Principal of Waterbury Elementary. “His reading disability may have confused him about what is prohibited in the policy, but we can’t take any chances. That’s why it’s called zero tolerance.”
The expulsion received full approval from the superintendent’s office. “We support Principal Simmons’ decision.” said Milton Decker, Assistant Superintendent. “The toy gnu may seem harmless, but we can’t ignore the underlying intent. I seriously doubt any of our students even know what a gnu is.”‘
‘A Chelan County fire chief says a couple were lucky they weren’t killed by a cow that fell off a cliff and smashed their minivan.
District 5 Chief Arnold Baker says they missed being killed by a matter of inches Sunday as they drove on Highway 150 near Manson.
The 600-pound cow fell about 200 feet and landed on the hood of the minivan carrying Charles Everson Jr. and his wife Linda of Westland, Mich., who were in the area celebrating their one-year wedding anniversary. They were checked at Lake Chelan Community Hospital as a precaution.
The van was heavily damaged, including a broken windshield.’
‘The father of a fallen Marine was awarded nearly $11 million Wednesday in damages by a jury that found leaders of a fundamentalist church had invaded the family’s privacy and inflicted emotional distress when they picketed the Marine’s funeral.
The jury first awarded $2.9 million in compensatory damages. It returned later in the afternoon with its decision to award $6 million in punitive damages for invasion of privacy and $2 million for causing emotional distress to the Marine’s father, Albert Snyder of York, Pa.
Snyder sued the Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church for unspecified monetary damages after members staged a demonstration at the March 2006 funeral of his son, Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, who was killed in Iraq. [..]
Church members routinely picket funerals of military personnel killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, carrying signs such as “Thank God for dead soldiers” and “God hates fags.”‘
‘Karl Marx, who complained of excruciating boils, actually suffered from a chronic skin disease with known psychological effects that may well have influenced his writings, a British expert said on Tuesday.
Sam Shuster, professor of dermatology at the University of East Anglia, believes the revolutionary thinker had hidradenitis suppurativa (HS) in which the apocrine sweat glands — found mainly in the armpits and groin — become blocked and inflamed.
“In addition to reducing his ability to work, which contributed to his depressing poverty, hidradenitis greatly reduced his self-esteem,” said Shuster, who published his findings in the British Journal of Dermatology.
“This explains his self-loathing and alienation, a response reflected by the alienation Marx developed in his writing.”‘
‘Tourism officials have been slammed for featuring an axe wielding serial killer on a children’s Christmas advent calendar.
They defended the move by saying mass murderer Fritz Haarmann was part of the German city of Hanover’s history.
The calendar is already on sale at tourism offices and shows children singing Xmas carols and laughing as Santa hands out Xmas gifts – and the Star of Bethlehem twinkles over the rooftops.
But over the first door of the calendar, a trilby wearing man peaks out from behind a tree with a meat cleaver in his left hand.’
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The distance may be fine, the aim is maybe not so good. :)
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‘Doctors have long argued about the health effects of coffee, but its reputation seems likely to receive a boost thanks to a flavoured condom that aims to encourage safer sex in Ethiopia.
Around 300,000 of the coffee condoms were sold in a week when they were launched in September, according to the US charity DKT International.
It hopes to tap into Ethiopia’s coffee mania as a means to tackle high rates of HIV in the country, which is said to have invented the drink.
The charity said that with 2.1% of Ethiopians infected with Aids – and more than 7% in the capital, Addis Ababa – the flavoured prophylactic was more than a novelty. “Everybody likes the flavour of coffee,” said a spokeswoman.’
A series of photographs, recreating some of the most famous images from the last century.
Although, approximating might be a better word than recreating. :)
This is a few weeks old, but I’ve decided to archive it for posterity. :)
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