‘My bedroom is a converted attic accessed by retractable metal ladders.
I fought my brother for this room at the young age of 12, and being the eldest it really was no contest.
You see at this young age I had already foreseen the benefits of being able to pull the ladders up and shut myself away from the world.
Actually, if I may take this chance to say a few things.
My 15,16,17 and 18 year old would like to thank my 12 yr self for providing the freedom to masturbate at will.
My 19, 20, 21, and 22-year-old self, thank my 12-year-old self for giving me the freedom to shag girlfriends in a fully occupied house.
My 23 yr old self however is less greatful and would have no qualms about kicking my 12 yr old self in his pre pubescent nutsack…..and ill tell you why.’