Archive for August, 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

 

Burger the angry cat

`Sounds like its scream breaks the sound barrier.’

(1.2meg Flash video)

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api

Break-in was necessity, judge rules in acquittal

`Jim Nelson, 49, a homeless man who had been living in a tent in the forest outside Whistler since 2002, admitted to doing all that but argued in North Vancouver Provincial Court that he was forced to commit the crime in order to save himself from dying of cold and hunger.

His defence of necessity was an argument rarely heard in Canadian courts.

Provincial Court Judge Douglas Moss finally acquitted him, although he found Nelson’s tale of how he came to be there — as the result of a quest to reach spiritual perfection through fasting — “bizarre, to say the least.”‘


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Cop Tazers Himself

A policeman manages to shoot himself in the leg with his tazer when he tries to put it back in the holster. Then he falls over.

(960kB Windows media)

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Residents, Police On The Lookout For Naked Tickler

`The latest incident was Saturday morning in New Smyrna Beach. The victim told deputies she had fallen asleep at her home, on Katy Drive. When she woke up, the naked man was crouched behind the couch, tickling her foot.

The police report said when she screamed, the man dashed across the room with his hands over his private area, and ran away.’


news

Tomkitten’s ‘first poop’ on display

`Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to show their baby daughter off in public, but eager fans were given an unusual preview today with what’s claimed to be a bronze cast depicting her first solid stool.

The scatological sculpture – more doodoo than Dada – is purportedly cast from 19-week-old Suri’s first bowel movement and will be shown at the Capla Kesting gallery in Brooklyn, New York, before being auctioned off for charity.’


Vicious Monkey Takes Bite Out Of Chicago Teenager

`Chicago police had a wild afternoon Monday as they found themselves in a standoff with a spider monkey that had attacked a teenage girl.

The 14-year-old victim was in pretty bad shape, according to CBS affiliate WBBM-TV. Chicago police she was bitten to the bone, but what caused the animal to attack is unclear. [..]

“Monkeys are very smart animals. If you mess with them, they will mess with you,” Sgt. Ramos said.’


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Mick Jagger Relies On Oxygen Mask To Get Through His Shows

`To help him get through his grueling live performances, Mick Jagger has an oxygen tank backstage. At 63, the Rolling Stones lead singer struggles to keep his energy levels up for an entire two-hour performance, so when guitarist Keith Richards plays his two solo songs, Mick goes backstage and straps on an oxygen mask.

A source told Britain’s Daily Star newspaper, “It helps him get his breath back quicker, keeps the airways clear and gives him what he needs to get back out and step it up a gear for the second half of the show.”‘


Miracle is Sunk

`Evangelist preacher Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation he could repeat the biblical miracle.

But he drowned after walking out to sea from a beach in the capital Libreville in Gabon, west Africa.

One eyewitness said: “He told churchgoers he’d had a revelation that if he had enough faith, he could walk on water like Jesus.

“He took his congregation to the beach saying he would walk across the Komo estuary, which takes 20 minutes by boat.

“He walked into the water, which soon passed over his head and he never came back.”‘


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best-of-craigslist

Bunches of funny Craig’s List posts. Some good ones:


Wednesday, August 30, 2006

 

Panda sneeze shocker

When a panda sneezes it is apparently quite startling. :)

(630kB Flash video)

see it here »


tools

DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.

`Don’t even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you…

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

…is that the primary ingredient is something called “olean” which I have since learned is Latin for “Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease.”‘


Nude bather won’t leave Munich fountain

`A homeless woman refuses to stop bathing naked in Munich’s public fountains despite being repeatedly fined for breaking public nudity laws.

Bild newspaper reported the 44-year-old woman named “Bille”, who weighs about 150kg, can be seen almost every day with her bottles of soap and shampoo bathing in one of the Bavarian capital’s 183 public fountains.

“She’s already been charged on 21 occasions for such things as causing public disturbance as well as breaking and entering,” a Munich police spokesman said.’


Dress your Gay Dog

If you fail your dog won’t be gay enough to go out and party.


api

1D Tetris


blog

‘Unfortunate’ photo wasn’t tampered with

`The first photo in the 2007 catalogue — a two-page, front-cover foldout — shows a young family lounging on a bed with a dog.

The dog, which appears to be a greyhound or whippet, seems to have one distinctly human male characteristic, prompting some to suggest the image had been tampered with by a mischievous employee using a program such as Photoshop.

Ikea Canada says that’s simply not the case. [..]

Though the picture — which one blogger referred to as “Swedish Sausage” — is fast making the rounds on the Internet, reader response in Canada has been minimal so far, McDowell said.’


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Fireworks vs pants


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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

 

Cutting Down A Tree Branch

‘This guy is such a great friend. He decided to sacrifice his Saturday afternoon to help his buddy cut down some overgrown tree branches. I think next time he wont ask for any help.’

(2meg Windows media)

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Horse Love

Safe for work if you have headphones. :)

(6.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Man saws off arm

`At 3:49 a.m. an injured man stumbled up to the Mobil Station at Northcliffe and Mariner Blvd. The clerk noticed the man had a mangled left hand and missing part of his right arm.

Detectives followed the blood trail back to the 4200 block of Goldcoast Ave. Detectives discovered an electric circular saw in the middle of a vacant lot with the cord plugged into an outside outlet. The trigger of the saw was taped so that the saw would constantly run. At that location, the man’s severed arm was found. The man then walked approx three blocks to the Mobil Station.’


Saddam’s cartoon torture

`Toppled dictator Saddam Hussein is being tormented in jail – by being forced to watch himself in South Park.

The evil tyrant is portrayed in the movie version of the cult cartoon as the Devil’s gay lover.

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut was banned in Iraq on its launch in 1999 for showing Saddam as a homosexual. [..]

South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone yesterday revealed Saddam is made to watch the movie “repeatedly” by the US Marines guarding him.’


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Police Arrest Woman After Mistaken Text Message

`A woman has been arrested after a text message, obviously meant for someone else, ended up on the cell phone of a Broken Arrow police officer.

The officer was working a traffic shift Friday evening when he received the message wanting to know where they could get together to smoke some marijuana the sender had just purchased.

The officer responded to the message and arranged to meet the messenger at a local business. When the woman arrived, she was surprised to find out she was under arrest for possession of marijuana.’


Germans plant bugs in our wheelie bins

`Electronic spy ‘bugs’ have been secretly planted in hundreds of thousands of household wheelie bins.

The gadgets – mostly installed by companies based in Germany – transmit information about the contents of the bins to a central database which then keeps records on the waste disposal habits of each individual address.

Already some 500,000 bins in council districts across England have been fitted with the bugs – with nearly all areas expected to follow suit within the next couple of years.’


tools

Paris Hilton Screwing


Woman Crashes When Teaching Dog to Drive

`A woman in Hohhot, the capital of north China’s Inner Mongolia region, crashed her car while giving her dog a driving lesson, the official Xinhua News Agency said Monday.

No injuries were reported although both vehicles were slightly damaged, it said.

The woman, identified only be her surname, Li, said her dog “was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive,” according to Xinhua.

“She thought she would let the dog ‘have a try’ while she operated the accelerator and brake,” the report said. “They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car.”‘


Monday, August 28, 2006

 

The cautionary tale of a janitor, his dildo, a rope and two Samoans

`When Marcelino P. Castro plunged a dildo into his rectum in the wee hours of Feb. 20, he could not know it would lead to his arrest last week. But then the dildo became stuck, and Castro began a ride that took him through the UCI Medical Center’s emergency room and may land him in prison.’


api

A Real Head Turner

‘This almost hurts to watch. This guy is double jointed in his neck and can literally look behind himself.’

(1.4meg Windows media)

see it here »


blog

Feathers to soak up Philippine oil spill

`The Philippine Coast Guard is appealing for chicken feathers and human hair to help sponge up the country’s worst oil spill.

A tanker chartered by refiner Petron Corp sank in heavy seas on August 11, oozing about a 10th of its two-million litre cargo of industrial fuel off the central island of Guimaras, affecting 40,000 people and 200km of coastline.

Petron, in which the Philippine government and Saudi state oil firm Saudi Aramco each have a 40 per cent stake, said a fresh spill was spotted late on Wednesday.

“We are appealing for the supply of indigenous absorbent materials like chicken feathers, human hair and rice straw,” Harold Jarder, head of the Coast Guard in Iloilo, a province north of Guimaras, told Reuters.’


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Robber hid for 20 years as policeman

`A convicted Vietnamese robber who escaped from prison 20 years ago chose a sly way to hide from the law — inside the police force and as a member of the ruling Communist Party.

A police newspaper reported Friday that Ngo Thanh Tam, 51, was re-arrested Tuesday, two decades after joining the police under a false identity in the Central Highlands province of Dak Nong.

The An Ninh Thu Do (Capital Security) newspaper described Tam as a “dangerous criminal” on the national wanted list. After his arrest he was purged from the party, which he joined in June.’


news

Softball Hits Girl On Head

‘Man this girl has some bad luck. First she gets pegged hard in the head as the catcher tries to throw out the baserunner, then she gets called out for interference!’

(1.5meg Windows media)

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Polar Bear Genitals are Shrinking

`The icecap may not be the only thing shrinking in the Arctic. The genitals of polar bears in east Greenland are apparently dwindling in size due to industrial pollutants.

Scientists report this shrinkage could, in the worst case scenario, endanger polar bears there and elsewhere by spoiling their love lives and causing their numbers to peter out. [..]

The adult polar bear testicles the researchers examined were on average roughly three inches across and 1.8 ounces in weight, although they could dramatically enlarge during the height of sexual activity from January to July. Their bacula, or penis bones, were on average nearly seven inches long.’


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