‘God wants me dead. I pissed him off. Pissed him off good. I don’t know what sent him over the edge. Maybe it was my off-colour, sacreligious sense of humour. Maybe it was the bilby I drowned in a duffel bag. Whatever it was, one thing is clear – the great skyfairy wants hardcore vengeance, and he wants it now. Let’s educate you on whats happened so far. If you don’t want to read, I’ll summarise it for you in the next two words.
It’s a long story, but read it all the way to the end if you’re gonna read it. Or you’ll miss this bit:
“AIE YE DEMONS, I DELIVER THEE UNTO HELL! …BURN IN ETERNAL DAMNATION!”
From when chemistry was more like some sort of crazy magic. Let’s all eat mercury! Hooray.
‘Smoking during a brain scan is not easy. Why would you want to? Because functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) allows researchers to observe activity in the brain, and doing so while smoking tobacco or pot could enhance our understanding of addiction and how to treat it.
But during an MRI, the head must remain completely still. In the narrow bore of a superconducting magnet, there isn’t much room to maneuver a cigarette or eat a pot brownie either. Smoke raises a second set of concerns. At the very least, it will stink up the lab. Perhaps, it could even damage the expensive machine.
So Blaise Frederick at Harvard Medical School built a device that delivers smoke into the narrow confines of a scanner. His colleagues, Kim Lindsey and Liz Ryan, tested it out on nine volunteers at McLean Hospital. They described their work in the May issue of Pharmacology, Biochemistry, and Behavior.’
‘(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
(+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny?
(+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
(+ware) looks up at me and says, “I AM NOT HAPPY!”
(+ware) So, I look down at him and say, “Well, which one are you then?”… and
(+ware) THAT’S when the fight started . .’
‘A fruit-picking trip to southern New South Wales ended in the death of a Scottish backpacker who became embroiled in a bizarre row about creationism and evolution.
English backpacker Alexander Christian York, 33, was today sentenced to a maximum of five years jail for the manslaughter of Scotsman Rudi Boa in January last year. [..]
The Scottish couple and York, neighbours at the caravan park, were becoming friends and spent the night of January 27 drinking at the Star Hotel in Tumut.
However, towards the end of the night, an argument between York and the pair about creationism versus evolution escalated into a shouting match at the pub.
The couple, both biomedical scientists, had been arguing the case of evolution, while York had taken a more biblical view of history. [..]
According to Ms Brown, York was making dinner when he attacked the couple outside his tent, stabbing Mr Boa with a kitchen knife as the argument escalated.’
‘A middle-aged man was beaten up by his drinking buddies after being caught gratifying himself in front of school children camping at a popular Manawatu reserve.
The unemployed man, 48, from Palmerston North, suffered a “substantial” head injury and was admitted to Palmerston North Hospital.
Police have since arrested and charged him with committing an indecent act. [..]
The offender was seen sitting and watching a number of teenage girls camping at the site, along with children from Dannevirke Primary School, for nearly an hour.
He is then alleged to have stood up, exposed himself and performed an indecent act in plain view of all present.
“His associates, who he had been drinking with since before lunch time, obviously didn’t approve of his behaviour and they’ve dealt to him themselves, giving him a pretty nasty head injury,” Ms Ross said.’
‘Some physicists are uncomfortable with the idea that all individual quantum events are innately random. This is why many have proposed more complete theories, which suggest that events are at least partially governed by extra “hidden variables”. Now physicists from Austria claim to have performed an experiment that rules out a broad class of hidden-variables theories that focus on realism — giving the uneasy consequence that reality does not exist when we are not observing it (Nature 446 871).’
‘On the slaughterhouse floor at Quality Pork Processors Inc. is an area known as the “head table,” but not because it is the place of honor. It is where workers cut up pigs’ heads and then shoot compressed air into the skulls until the brains come spilling out.
But now the grisly practice has come under suspicion from health authorities.
Over eight months from last December through July, 11 workers at the plant in Austin, Minn. — all of them employed at the head table — developed numbness, tingling or other neurological symptoms, and some scientists suspect inhaled airborne brain matter may have somehow triggered the illnesses.
The use of compressed air to remove pig brains was suspended at Quality Pork earlier this week while authorities try to get to the bottom of the mystery. [..]
Five of the workers — including Kruse, who has been told she may never work again — have been diagnosed with chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, or CIDP, a rare immune disorder that attacks the nerves and produces tingling, numbness and weakness in the arms and legs, sometimes causing lasting damage.’
But over in a cold part of the square is the enclosure of the dark ones.
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‘A Father Christmas has hung up his Santa suit after he claiming he’s been sacked for saying “ho, ho, ho!”
John Oakes, 70, says he was fired from a department store in Cairns, Australia, for using Santa’s famous greeting and singing carols.
He claims agency employer Westaff ordered their Santas to say “ha, ha, ha” instead of “ho, ho, ho” because “ho” is a derogatory US slang word for a woman.
Mr Oakes told the Cairns Post: “After my shift on Monday, I got a call from my manager telling me my services were no longer required.
“I hadn’t done anything wrong so I asked her why, and she said, “You said ho, ho, ho and that’s not appropriate”.’
This man could lick his own arsehole.
If he wanted to.
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‘After playing World of Warcraft, the 12 year old boy knew how to cope when he was attacked by a moose in the forest.
In the article he describes how he first yelled at the moose, distracting it so his sister got away, then when he got attacked and the animal stood over him he feigned death. “Just like you learn at level 30 in World of Warcraft.”‘
I’ve spent the week playing with all sorts of settings on the server. It’s now running dramatically faster. So dramatic that the whole thing could be made into movie staring Tom Cruise called “The Midget vs. MySQL”.
Not that I’m a midget. It’s just that Tom Cruise is.
In any case, everything should be running much better now. I also pretty much rewrote the entire image site code, piece by piece as I was optimizing things, so it’s much cleaner now and is running much faster aswell.
‘This was the incredible scene after a car cartwheeled more than 100ft through the air before embedding itself in a first-floor flat.
John Gordon’s Volvo took off after hitting a tree on a roundabout and flew until it crashed into the flats 15ft off the ground and facing backwards.
The car smashed into a lounge where 19-year-old Laura Stevens had been a few seconds earlier. [..]
Engineers had to spend three hours dismantling the wall of the flats in Werrington, Peterborough, before they could remove the car.
Mr Gordon, from Peterborough, hit the roundabout at around 9.10am on Saturday, clipped a tree and bounced before being catapulted into the air.
His car cartwheeled so it entered Miss Stevens’s flat backwards, sending debris flying on to the floor.’
And when your dreams are on a train to train wreck town..
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‘A surgery meant to reverse a colostomy on a Dover man went horribly wrong last year, resulting in fecal mater being discharged from his penis and urine passing through his colon, according to a lawsuit filed in Superior Court.
During the procedure, the suit alleges doctors at Kent General Hospital improperly stapled the colon to the bladder instead of the rectal stump. This left the patient with diarrhea, as well as gas and liquid stool passing from his penis.
The man was taken to Christiana Hospital 12 days later to have the procedure corrected, but not until after much suffering and embarrassment as well as “disfigurement and disability,” the suit claims. It also affected life at home with his wife, who also is suing the three doctors involved in the allegedly botched procedure, Surgical Associates P.A. and Bayhealth Medical Center Inc.’
‘Sophisticated scans have revealed the eating disorder anorexia is linked to specific patterns of brain activity.
Even young women recovering from anorexia who have maintained a healthy weight for over a year had vastly different brain activity patterns.
The findings in the American Journal of Psychiatry point to a brain region linked to anxiety and perfectionism.’
‘Cashier: How are you?
Customer: Do you want the honest answer?
Customer: I feel like the business end of a donkey. I am extremely hungover and did a mountain of cocaine last night. Now I have to make dinner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is trying to fuck me.
Cashier: I’m… sorry.
Customer: And the woman I love is in another state pregnant with her ex-boyfriend’s baby, and I wish the baby was mine. And I’m sleeping with a dominatrix. And it’s all true.’
During normal operation or in Safe mode, your computer may play “Fur Elise” or “It’s a Small, Small World” seemingly at random. This is an indication sent to the PC speaker from the computer’s BIOS that the CPU fan is failing or has failed, or that the power supply voltages have drifted out of tolerance. This is a design feature of a detection circuit and system BIOSes developed by Award/Unicore from 1997 on.
Although these symptoms may appear to be virus-like, they are the result of an electronic hardware monitoring component of the motherboard and BIOS. You may want to have your computer checked or serviced.’
Inside the cockpit of the cruising airliner, Captain Bob Pearson was understandably alarmed at the out-of-the-ordinary beeps that were chiming from his flight computer. On the control panel, an amber low fuel pressure warning lamp lit up to punctuate the audio alarm.
First Officer Maurice Quintal, copilot of Air Canada Flight 143, checked the indicator light to determine the cause of the computer’s complaints. “Something’s wrong with the fuel pump,” he reported.
The mustachioed Captain Pearson pulled out the trusty Boeing handbook, his fingers dashing through the pages to find the specifics of the warning. To his relief, the troubleshooting chart indicated that the situation was not as perilous as it might seem: the fuel pump in the left wing tank was signaling a problem, a minor issue considering that gravity would continue to feed the engines even if the pump failed. [..]‘
‘The mayor of an Arkansas town resigned on Wednesday, claiming he was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly three decades ago.
Centerton Mayor Ken Williams said he has been living under an assumed name for nearly 30 years. He had been mayor since 2001.
Williams told authorities he was born Don LaRose and that in the mid-1970s, he was a preacher in Indiana. He said he was abducted and brainwashed into forgetting all about his life as Don LaRose.
It was a double-life he had never acknowledged, Williams said, because he didn’t even realize it existed until he had recently taken a truth-serum injection.’
A grandmother’s reaction to 2 Girls, 1 Cup.
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see it here »
‘Carol, who asked that her last name not be used for fear of making herself or her land a target for vandals, called for help recently when she arrived at some vacant property she owns in east Austin and found her security chain gone.
She grabbed her new Casio G’zOne phone from Verizon Wireless, which to her horror made an audible alarm when she called 911.
Fearing vandals were still on the property, she hung up and hid, then put her hand over the earpiece and dialed again to muffle the sounds.
“I was afraid the criminals were down the driveway and they would hear and they would know somebody was doing something and they would come out to stop me,” she said.
The alarm is not ear-splitting, but it is loud enough to be heard at least several yards away.’
A friend of mine said she’d shave her head if she could get $1,000 in donations towards education for some kids in Kenya. Apparently people like to help children in Kenya, or they really want to see her with no hair. Either way, the money was raised and the hair came off.
Kenyans will be able to read, and muppet’s skull will be cold. It’s a win-win situation.
I think she should glue the hair she’s chopped off to her boyfriend’s face whilst he sleeps so he wakes up thinking he’s a wolfman. That would be a win-win-win situation.
Hopefully there’ll be a wolfman video in the near future, but for now the video of the hair removal will have to suffice.
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‘Gropecunt Lane was a name used in English-speaking towns and cities in the Middle Ages for streets where prostitutes conducted their business. In most cases, the name would appear to derive directly from the words grope (sexual touching), and cunt (female genitalia). At one point there were streets of this name in many cities in Britain and Ireland, though in most cases later sensibilities changed the name to some more polite variation.
In London, the street that was Gropecunt Lane was near the present-day site of the Barbican Centre in the City of London. The street was called Grub Street in the 18th century, but renamed Milton Street in 1830. It is possible that the street known as Gropecunte Lane is now known as Threadneedle Street, however.’
‘Astronomers have discovered white dwarf stars with pure carbon atmospheres. These stars possibly evolved in a sequence astronomers didn’t know before.
They may have evolved from stars that are not quite massive enough to explode as supernovae but are just on the borderline. All but the most massive two or three percent of stars eventually die as white dwarfs rather than explode as supernovae.
When a star burns helium, it leaves “ashes” of carbon and oxygen. When its nuclear fuel is exhausted, the star then dies as a white dwarf, which is an extremely dense object that packs the mass of our sun into an object about the size of Earth. Astronomers believe that most white dwarf stars have a core made of carbon and oxygen which is hidden from view by a surrounding atmosphere of hydrogen or helium.
They didn’t expect stars with carbon atmospheres.’