Archive for July, 2006

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Saturday, July 29, 2006

 

Problems With My Bumhole

`This page, like my arse, is still under construction. Despite hemorrhoid surgery, laser fissure closing and repeated anal tucks, Johnny’s arse is still not ready for public exposure. Once Johnny is happy with his arse we expect to be able to show it on this page. In the meantime here’s a picture of a bird trying to fine-tune her smile by twiddling her nips…..’


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Friday, July 28, 2006

 

Accused Prowler Found Asleep In Police Van

`Police in this Seattle suburb didn’t have to go far to arrest a man for investigation of car prowling. He was found sleeping in a special weapons and tactics van.

Officer Greg Grannis said a municipal worker reported someone breaking into cars, including his own, shortly before midnight Monday.

Officers quickly found burglarized cars, but couldn’t determine who might be responsible ó until about 4:50 a.m., when two SWAT team members came to the police vehicle maintenance yard to get their van and found a 25-year-old transient asleep in the back, Grannis said.’


288-pound man gets 288 jellybeans

`What do you get a 288-pound man for his birthday? How about 288 pounds of jelly beans? His family didn’t plan it that way, but when Mike Lively became the 1 millionth person to tour the Jelly Belly Center on his birthday Wednesday, he won his weight’s worth of the sweet treats.

The 41-year-old Indiana man, who claims he weighs only 278 pounds, said he wasn’t planning on sharing his windfall.’


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Hair Soy Sauce: A Revolting Alternative to the Conventional

`Recent reports of problem foods in Mainland China have raised global concerns about the safety of Chinese food products. Drawing on reliable data extracted from Chinese newspapers, magazines and the Internet, this report, the second in the series, takes a closer look at the hair-made soy sauce, a common kitchen-accessory for marinating and seasoning foods. It seeks to inform the scientific and medical communities regarding the potential short- and long-term epidemic consequences of consuming such soy sauce.’


Man fined for forcing woman to pluck beard

`A Japanese man has been found guilty of sexual harassment for forcing a female work colleague to pluck his beard.

“Asking a female colleague to pluck your beard is totally inappropriate and illegal,” media reports quoted the judge as saying as he ordered the man and the government, as his employer, to pay a total of almost $5,000 (2,700 pounds) in compensation.

According to the lawsuit filed by the woman, the man — an employee in his 30s in an office affiliated with the Labour Ministry — had repeatedly asked her to pluck his beard.

The woman, also in her 30s, told him he should do it himself but finally was forced to give in, Kyodo news agency said.’


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Upside-Down-Ternet

`My neighbours are stealing my wireless internet access. I could encrypt it or alternately I could have fun. [..]

Suddenly everything is kittens! It’s kitten net. [..]

For the uninitiated, this redirects all traffic to kittenwar.

For more fun, we set iptables to forward everything to a transparent squid proxy running on port 80 on the machine. [..]

That machine runs squid with a trivial redirector that downloads images, uses mogrify to turn them upside down and serves them out of it’s local webserver.’


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Inmate’s request for liquor license denied

`Town officials have nixed an idea for a jailhouse bar. The Select Board, acting as the town liquor board, rejected an inmate’s application to sell liquor from the state prison.

Paul Murphy of Worcester, Mass., is serving time at the Southern State Correctional Facility for aggravated assault, escape and passing bad checks.

He said in an application for a first- and second-class liquor license that he wanted to sell liquor from his home, which he listed as 700 Charlestown Road. That also happens to be the address of the state prison just east of downtown Springfield.’


Man drove tank to buy ice cream

`A Czech man drove a armoured personnel carrier through a historic town centre to buy his kids an ice cream.

Miroslav Tucek, 34, now faces a £300 fine after driving the 12-tonne military vehicle through Hradec Kralove.

He told police it was too far to walk from his home and he had promised his kids an ice cream.’


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Bouncer Lessons

`Bas Rutten demonstrates bouncer techniques for folks trying to get into the business.’

(2meg Windows media)


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Woman mails five-foot python

`A German woman sparked panic at her local post office when a 1.5-meter (5-foot) albino python escaped from a packet she had mailed, police said Tuesday.

The 28-year-old woman, who had sold the snake over the Internet, stuffed it in a package labeled “attention — glass” to be sent to its new owner.

“Staff accepted the package and put it in the back of the office — they had no idea what it was,” said police spokesman Andreas Blum. “All of a sudden, they noticed that it started moving around and then saw a big snake wriggling out of it.”‘


Crawley kids in a tilgate park

What happens when you use a scooter to make a merry-go-round type thing go faster?

Pretty obvious really.

Edit: Now with working video.

(2.7meg Windows media)

see it here »


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Cell Phone Picture Called Obstruction Of Justice

`A Philadelphia family said they are outraged over the arrest of one of their family members. [..]

Cruz said police told him that he broke a new law that prohibits people from taking pictures of police with cell phones.

“They threatened to charge me with conspiracy, impeding an investigation, obstruction of a investigation. Ö They said, ‘You were impeding this investigation.’ (I asked,) “By doing what?’ (The officer said,) ‘By taking a picture of the police officers with a camera phone,'” Cruz said.’


Escapees flag down wrong car

`Three escapees from a western NSW correctional centre managed to effect their own recapture yesterday, when they inadvertently flagged down an undercover police car for a ride.

They also aided in their own recapture by still wearing parts of their green prison uniforms, which helped the officer in the undercover car, already alerted to their presence in the area, to identify them.’


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Americans ‘too fat for x-rays’

`Increasing numbers of Americans are becoming too fat to fit into X-ray machines, US researchers report.

The nation’s rising obesity problems mean many citizens are not only too large for scanners but they have too much fat for the rays to penetrate.

Over the past 15 years, the number of failed scans linked to patient obesity has doubled, Radiology journal reports.’


New Monopoly version drops paper money, adds debit card

`If you’re passing Go and want to collect $200, better bring a debit card.

A British version of the classic Monopoly board game released this week substitutes a Visa-imprinted debit card for the stacks of yellow, blue and purple play money long hoarded by children worldwide.

Cheating just got a little tougher.’


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Teenagers ‘bagging’ mothballs to get high

`The 18-year-old French woman was hospitalized with scaly skin on her legs and hands, appearing unsteady and mentally sluggish, doctors said.

They found the condition puzzling, especially since the woman’s twin sister displayed similar, but less severe, symptoms and there was no family history of the problem, the doctors reported in this week’s New England Journal of Medicine that

Several days later, doctors discovered the cause: a bag of mothballs stashed in her hospital room.’


Feds Warn Of Marijuana-Filled Gumballs

`Authorities aren’t happy about yellow, smiley face gumballs.

The federal Drug Enforcement Agency is warning about so-called “Greenades,” which are marijuana-containing gumballs.

[..] The gumballs came wrapped in colorful tin foil labeled as “Greenades” with a marijuana leaf on the wrapper and detailed instructions for use. Instructions on the foil told users to chew for 30 minutes to 1 hour “before you would like receive your high” and to “chew for as long as possible, then swallow.” [..]

Each gumball contained approximately one gram of marijuana, and the total net mass of the two gumballs was 17.5 grams.’


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Paris Hilton’s baby bath

‘Paris Hilton gets an unwelcome surprise when she takes a bath with a baby.’

(1.2meg Flash video)

see it here »


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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

 

“You call that a knife?”

`With Australian outback hero Crocodile Dundee as her inspiration, an 80-year-old British pensioner foiled a knife-wielding burglar with an even bigger blade of her own.

When woken by a masked man holding a knife, Winifred Whelan screamed and ran downstairs to the kitchen.

Grabbing a giant carving knife, she told the startled intruder “You call that a knife? This is a knife” in an echo of the famous scene in the Crocodile Dundee film when actor Paul Hogan confronted a New York mugger.’


License Plate Tracking for All

`In recent years, police around the country have started to use powerful infrared cameras to read plates and catch carjackers and ticket scofflaws. But the technology will soon migrate into the private sector, and morph into a tool for tracking individual motorists’ movements, says former policeman Andy Bucholz, who’s on the board of Virginia-based G2 Tactics, a manufacturer of the technology. [..]

“I know it sounds really Big Brother,” Bucholz says. “But it’s going to happen. It’s going to get cheaper and cheaper until they slap them up on every taxicab and delivery truck and track where people live.” And work. And sleep. And move.’


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The council is wrong, says Manilow

`Crooner Barry Manilow believes Rockdale Council has it all wrong by using his music to ward off car hoons.

Manilow has told locals who are getting tired of hearing his songs every weekend that he is putting the rock back into Rockdale.

Manilow’s spokeswoman told The Daily Telegraph he could not believe his music was being used to stop car hoons gathering at Cook Park Reserve in Brighton-le-Sands.

“He thinks it will have the opposite effect,” she said. “He thinks people will hang around to dance to it.”‘

followup to: Bystanders caught in Manilow cross fire.


report

Man who beat duck sentenced

`An Atlantic City man has been sentenced to three years of probation and community service at an animal shelter for beating a duck.

Donald Chapman pleaded guilty to animal cruelty a few months ago, saying he kicked the mallard and beat it with a broom March 15 in the parking lot of the Fox Chase development he worked at in Galloway Township. [..]

Beall’s organization retrieved the duck after the beating and took it to the Galloway Animal Hospital for treatment.

The duck is doing well, officials said.’


Woman driver charged for tailgating train

`A Ffemale driver has taken a wrong turn on her way home – and ended up following a train along a railway line.

Police in Brisbane said the woman, 52, had picked up her daughter from work and was driving home about midnight on Saturday, when she took the wrong turn at a level crossing.

She allegedly drove along the track, honking her car horn at the train as she followed it for 300m before being stuck on the tracks.

She has been charged with dangerous driving.’


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Talk To Aliens Now!!!

`HOW IT WORKS:

[1] Add me (AlienChat@hotmail.com) as a contact to your messenger account.

[2] Send me a message and Iíll use the EXTRATERRESTRIAL BROADCASTER 3000 to send your message into the cosmos.

[3] Depending on who picks up your message (so far Iíve contacted what sounds like 12 different alien species) you should receive an Audio message within a few seconds.’


French police thwart joint-rolling world record attempt

`Police in France said they had thwarted an attempt by a group of marijuana smokers to roll the world’s longest joint by seizing a work-in-progress measuring 80 centimetres (32 inches) in length.

“At some point, these young people had wanted to craft a joint of 1.12 metres to beat the world record in the discipline and get it officially registered,” said a police officer in eastern France. [..]

During an investigation targeting a group of four smokers in the eastern Vosges area of France, police discovered the giant joint containing 70 grams of marijuana resin. It had not been finished because of a lack of tobacco.’


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‘Zombies’ arrested in downtown Minneapolis

`Six friends spruced up in fake blood and tattered clothing were arrested in downtown Minneapolis on suspicion of toting “simulated weapons of mass destruction.”

Police said the group were allegedly carrying bags with wires sticking out, making it look like a bomb, while meandering and dancing to music as part of a “zombie dance party” Saturday night.

“They were arrested for behavior that was suspicious and disturbing,” said Lt. Gregory Reinhardt, a police spokesman. Police also said the group was uncooperative and intimidated people with their “ghoulish” makeup.’


Customer at Market in Springfield Cuts Off His Hand

`Igbal Asghar reached across the counter at Super Halal Meat market and passed two butchered chickens to the man with the familiar face. Then he ducked into the walk-in freezer to fetch the customer’s second order, goat meat.

When the butcher stepped out seconds later, the customer’s severed left hand lay on the floor by the meat saw, Asghar said. The customer ran down the Springfield store’s center aisle and into the front parking lot, leaving a trail of blood and yelling repeatedly that he was “not a terrorist.” Outside, another witness said, the man announced that he had used the meat saw to cut off his hand “for Allah.”‘


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Peace prize winner ‘could kill’ Bush

`Nobel peace laureate Betty Williams displayed a flash of her feisty Irish spirit yesterday, lashing out at US President George W.Bush during a speech to hundreds of schoolchildren.

Campaigning on the rights of young people at the Earth Dialogues forum, being held in Brisbane, Ms Williams spoke passionately about the deaths of innocent children during wartime, particularly in the Middle East, and lambasted Mr Bush.

“I have a very hard time with this word ‘non-violence’, because I don’t believe that I am non-violent,” said Ms Williams, 64.

“Right now, I would love to kill George Bush.” Her young audience at the Brisbane City Hall clapped and cheered.’


The Middle East Buddy List

`Last month, Hamas militants tunneled into Israel and kidnapped an Israeli soldier. Israel immediately invaded Gaza. Hamas began lobbing rockets into Israel. The Lebanese group Hezbollah kidnapped two more Israelis near the Lebanon-Israel border. Israel responded by carrying out airstrikes against Lebanon. Egypt and Saudi Arabia condemned Hezbollah for instigating the violence. Syria, Iran, and Lebanon called Israel’s retaliation an excessive use of force.

Confused? [..]’

With an interactive table showing who’s buddies with who.


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Israel ‘regrets’ UN deaths

`Israel said today it regretted the deaths of four UN military observers in southern Lebanon and would investigate the air strike that killed them.

“Israel sincerely regrets the tragic death of the U.N. personnel in south Lebanon,” Israeli Foreign Ministry spokesman Mark Regev said.

“We do not target UN personnel and, since the beginning of this conflict, we have made a consistent effort to ensure the safety of all members of (the UN peacekeeping force). This tragic event will be thoroughly investigated,” Mr Regev said.’


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